Down the Road
by MelanthiaChase
Summary: With her man in jail Milla has to make the best of a bad situation.  This is a continuation of the Juice/Milla Saga and takes place after season three while the guys are in jail.  Juice/OC
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own, except for Gillian who belongs to the wonderful Superdani. Thanks for your collaboration Sweetheart!  
**

**Chapter One**

"Come on Dixie, it's not that bad." I pleaded as Dixie grabbed her stuff and angrily marched toward the door.

"Not that bad? He slept with me then said it was just 'fun'. I like you Milla but I can't be around that…that…player." She turned on her heel and slammed the door behind her. Great, now I had to find a new nurse.

I sighed in defeat and went into the living room. Damn Koz. I was finally alone for the first time in weeks and I relished it. I just had to be sure not to over exert myself. I was on a portable heart monitor and if it spiked I'd be treated like a child. I'd just gotten people to trust me again so I didn't want that to happen. I turned the TV on and turned it to the Food Network, it was my go to channel. As I watched Guy Fieri eat a sandwich that was unhealthily big but looked delicious, the doorbell rang and I sighed. So much for enjoying time to myself. I turned down the volume and hoisted myself up. As I made my way to the door I sighed again, damn my lower back hurt. The doorbell rang again and I got frustrated, couldn't people be patient?

"Hold tight, I'm coming!" I yelled as I got closer to the door. Once there I looked through the peephole and was shocked by who I saw. I wasted no time opening the door and my guest looked just as shocked as I was.

"Milla? You live here?" Gillian, the most competent nurse at St. Thomas and object of Koz's insane stalkerish affection was standing on the stoop.

"Yeah, have for a while." I gave her a smile and she blushed. "What can I help you with Gillian?"

"Umm, it's about my car. Koz said I could pick up some paperwork here since I couldn't make it to the garage." She blushed brighter when she said his name and I bit my cheek to keep from laughing, the girl had it as bad as he did.

"Come in, I'll check for the paperwork." She nodded and I walked her into the living room where I was sure there was a folder Koz set down. "Sit down, I'll be with you once I find it."

She nodded and sat on the couch while I went to the rolltop desk in the corner which was my current work station and found the folder I was thinking of. Just a simple manila one with a single smudge in the corner which proved it was from TM. I'd been barred from TM and the clubhouse ever since I punched some croweater skank and broke her nose. Well I was barred because the incident had caused an unhealthy spike in my heart monitor…but still. What was I supposed to do? She called my man a fairy and said that he was probably currency on the inside. She didn't know how close to home that hit so I hit her. With a shake of my head I picked up the folder and flipped through it, inside there was the order slip for the two tires and an insurance slip which she needed to sign and send into her company and a workorder which she needed to sign and we'd take the original. It was very simple paper work.

"I found it." I turned around and saw Gillian staring at the entertainment system with the huge flatscreen at the center and various game consoles and different kinds of media players. It had taken me about a month but I finally figured out how to work the damn thing. Now when Ellie, Kenny and Piper wanted to play Wii they could. And Koz already knew how to use the PS3 and Xbox. I almost rolled my eyes as I thought about how much time and effort Juice put into making everything perfect. He measured the space down to the millimeter and spent hours calibrating everything from the soundsystem down to the playback speed on the dvd player. The only thing he put more time into was his bike and that made me smile. In reality what he put the most time and effort into was _us_ so I could give him a pass on the technolust.

"Thanks. Do you use all that stuff?" She pointed to the entertainment center and I smiled as I sat in the chair next to the couch. With my belly I tended to spread out when I sat and I didn't want to crowd my guest.

"I don't but the kids are here all the time and Koz likes to play on the Xbox and have Mariocart tournaments with Chantal. I can't really participate with this." I gestured to my arm and she nodded. I knew that she knew my file backwards and forwards, she was that thorough. "I'm being a terrible hostess, would you like something to drink?"

"Don't put yourself to any trouble on my account." She said and I shook my head. The least I could do was make her comfortable.

"No problem, the kitchen's just through that door. We have bottled water, different kinds of soda, orange, apple and grape juice and of course brews. Anything sound good?" I asked and she smiled.

"I guess I'll have some water." I nodded as I hoisted myself up and went into the kitchen. As I was rummaging through the fridge I heard a bike pull up followed by a little girl's voice and I grimaced. Ellie shouldn't have been home, it was barely eleven.

There was a knock at the kitchen door and I sighed before I went across the room and opened it. Standing there was an angry Ellie and an equally belligerent Opie. I gasped when I saw my baby's face. She had the start of what promised to be one hell of a black eye.

"Milla? Where's Dixie?" Opie was well aware of my staff's schedule. Juice had him held to the same promise as Koz and Paco. They were in charge of keeping me and Baby Ortiz happy and healthy.

"She took off, now please tell me what happened to my Elliedoll." I reached out my arm and Ellie moved into the safety of my arms before her Dad continued.

"Shit, you're alone?" I gave him a glare and he sighed but he was still angry. "Little Miss Anger Management got into a fight with this boy. He said shit about SAMCRO so she went at him. The little bastard punched her."

"Why are you mad at her? She was defending her family." I rubbed her back while she sniffled and Ope sighed again.

"Brains before brawn Milla. It would've been fine if she hadn't thrown the first punch. I don't know where she got the strength from but she knocked out three of his teeth." There was the ghost of a smile on his face before he continued, still playing the hardass. "I brought her here because I have to go to Oakland for a meet with some contacts and Lyla's at that financing thing so I thought between you and Dixie she'd have someone to watch her."

"Of course, I have a guest right now but Ellie knows where everything is and how to use it." Ellie nodded before she had me lean over and she kissed my cheek. With one last glare at her Dad she ran behind me and I could hear her talking in the living room.

"Who's your guest?" Opie was on alert. He obviously thought I was at risk being alone.

"Koz's girl, Gillian." I smirked when I thought of all the shit he pulled to simply get to know her and she was not making things easy for him.

"Ah, the nurse who's been making him a fool. I'd love to say hi, but I gotta run Mills. I'll have Lyla pop over when she's done. Until then stay away from the windows and don't be surprised if you hear bikes driving by." I nodded and he started to turn before I stopped him.

"Did you hear anything about Putlova?" I was nervous. Part of the reason I was never alone was my health but a larger, harsher reason stemmed from the fact that Putlova and the whole Russian crew wanted revenge and were not picky about how they got it. Me being so entangled with key members of SAMCRO painted a nice target on my forehead.

"Whispers in Lodi, I want you safe Milla. I don't care if we have to have another lockdown but nothing's going to happen to our women again. But for now stay inside, stay safe and take care of Ellie. I know you're gonna spoil her so I won't even waste my breath telling you not to." It made me laugh and I watched him swing his leg onto his bike and head down the driveway.

I turned and picked up the water bottle from the kitchen table. It was slightly warmer so I went to the fridge and got her a new one before I went into the living room. I was glad that I went when I did because I was suddenly privy to what had to be the most hilariously awkward conversation I'd ever heard in my life.

"Are you gonna marry Uncle Koz?" I had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing at the completely shocked deer-in-headlights look on Gillian's face.

"Umm, ah I..don't.." She sputtered and Ellie paid it no mind as she continued.

"If you don't that's ok. Aunt Milla didn't marry Uncle Juice for a long time and Uncle Bobby hasn't married any of his girlfriends. You should have a baby though, they're fun and Espy and Abel are gonna need friends who understand this life. I'm Espy's Auntie, it's my job to make sure she's happy and I know she'd like any kids that you had. Don't have a boy though; they don't know how to be anything other than asses." I stared at her in shock shock but not before I noticed the sad look on Gillian's eyes, as I moved into the living room.

"Elizabeth Marianne Winston, language." I admonished her but I knew my smile took the power of it away.

"It's true, they are!" She countered before she turned back to Gillian who grabbed the water from my hand and drank it in an effort to compose herself. "If you want a baby, just have sex. It's the only way to do it. That stork stuff is bullshit."

"Ellie! That's enough! Watch your language. You don't talk like this in school do you?" I wanted to save Gillian from any more embarrassment but from the bright red face she was sporting I could see she'd weathered the worst of it.

"No I don't. Grampa says that there's a time and a place for bad language and school isn't the time or the place. Lyla doesn't mind if I swear." There was just enough truth to it that I knew I'd have to talk to Lyla about it later.

"Well I do, why don't you go to the nursery and check out the new rocking chair Uncle Koz picked up?" She nodded and got off the couch. I watched her run down the hall before I shook my head. "Sorry about that she's normally a really good kid but things have been tough for her lately."

"What happened to her eye?" Gillian asked as she took a sip of her water and I sighed as I rubbed my eyes.

"She got in a fight with a boy at school. I didn't get into all the reasons or the punishments but she's fine." Gillian nodded as I reached my hand to the back of my neck and rubbed.

"You ok?" She sat up and looked closely at me while I nodded.

"Yeah, just stress." She got up and took my hand away before she started rubbing my neck. It felt really good so I let her continue and by the time she was done the stress was gone. It was the best massage I'd had since Juice went in.

"That better?" She asked as she pressed her thumb to a spot at the back of my neck.

"Yeah, that's fabulous." I smiled at her and she smiled back before she turned and picked up the envelope.

"I should be going. I have to get to my insurance company with this, and then enjoy the rest of the time off that I have today. Thanks for the water .Tell Ellie it was wonderful to meet her. And please, don't fight with her too much just because she got into a fight with a boy. I'm sure there was a reason for it. She was just defending herself." Suddenly I got a crazy thought and I grabbed her arm as she passed, not missing her flinch but she composed herself.

"Wait. I have to ask you something." She looked expectantly at me and I continued, "Have you ever done freelance work?"

"What?" She looked confused and I released her before I elaborated.

"My fill-in nurse just abandoned me this morning and I need someone to fill in odd spots in the schedule." She gave me a considering look.

"I don't know, I just started at St. Thomas and am trying to find a place for myself here. Taking on an extra job may be too much." I nodded, it made sense but I wanted her to consider it.

"Just think about it. It would just be a few hours a week, sitting with me, making sure I don't over exert myself. Just stuff like that. Besides it would be nice to have a female presence around here. Koz can be a bit overwhelming." She smiled despite herself before she gave herself a little shake and put a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll think about it. Thanks for the water." I got up and walked her out, giving a little wave as she walked down the street. I liked her and hoped that Koz didn't do anything stupid enough to scare her away.

"Elliedoll!" I shouted as I went to sit on the couch again.

"Yeah!" She shouted from the nursery.

"Wanna watch _Suite Life_?" She didn't even respond she just came bounding down the hall and joined me on the couch where we cuddled. I'd get the whole story later but right now I could just enjoy being with her.

* * *

"You're good to go." The guard said as he handed me back my ID and put his metal detecting wand thingy back in its holster.

"Thanks." I put the ID back in my pocket and went to stand by Tara while we waited for the doors to unlock and let us into the private room. Koz, Opie and Chibs were standing in a different group since the family meetings took priority.

Stahl had been a smart, calculating bitch when she'd worked out her deal for Jax. Due to the bad blood SAMCRO had managed to accumulate with the just about every group inside the prison walls it had been decided that they would be in protective custody away from gen pop. Stahl in that calculating way of hers had ensured that the boys would be safe and secured and I was grateful for the foresight but not enough to wish her back into the land of the living.

"You ok babe?" Koz asked as he moved away from Opie and placed his arm across my shoulders.

"Yeah, this just never gets easy, seeing him in the jumpsuit, not being able to touch him. That's the hardest thing. Fucking federal prisons." I grumbled and he squeezed me tighter. Suddenly there was the telltale noise of the locks being disengaged and Koz pulled away as we waited to be brought in. I straightened my shirt and smoothed my khakis as I waited for the guard with the clipboard.

"Millicent Ortiz?" The big guard asked and I nodded as he took my id again and put it next to the list. "Ok, you get to visit Jean Carlos Ortiz, for the duration of one hour. Sign this sheet and I will lead you in."

I nodded and signed the sheet before he nodded and let me go into the meeting room. Juice was at one table, Dad at the next and Jax in the corner. In the next row there was Bobby and Tig. Happy was conspicuously absent and it made me nervous but that nervousness was overshadowed by the joy I felt when I saw my husband. He grinned and I felt an answering smile on my face. I looked at each of the guys and nodded before I sat down and had to rub my palm against my pants, my hands were literally itching to touch Juice.

"You look so good baby." Juice said and I watched him flex his hands, he was feeling the same itch.

"You look pretty good yourself. Any more trouble?" The last time I visited he'd pissed off another guy in protective custody and had gotten knocked around a little.

"Nah, Clay fixed things. What did the doctor say?" I believed him that Dad fixed things and I had no doubt that that was the reason Hap was missing.

"Dr. Nior wants to have more control over my labor so we've decided to induce on the 13th, which is coincidentally a Friday." I grinned at him and he shook his head.

"Only you would do that baby. How are you? The heart, the blood-pressure?" Great, another visit wasted on medical talk.

"Baby, you can have Lowen give you the run down on my medical status. I'm sitting here across from you, I'm not hooked up to an IV, my monitor's been off for two days. What does that say?" He let out a breath I didn't know he'd been holding and reached across the table before he stopped himself and darted his hand back to his lap.

"I should be there with you baby, rubbing your back, reading to the baby. I'm so sorry." I shook my head and wanted nothing more than to have him in my arms.

"Every time, every fucking time you bring this up. Baby, don't be sorry. I'm fine, Espy's fine and you'll be out before either of us know it. Oh, did Lowen send you the pictures of the nursery?" There, we could talk about the house.

"Yep, I liked it. The cartoon Harleys were a nice touch and I'm glad it's not pink." I rolled my eyes and he laughed.

"I fought Ma tooth and nail on that one. She said that if she was paying she got to choose color. I told her that if she wanted to see her granddaughter I'd pick the colors and since she knows I'm capable of keeping her grandbaby away she caved and Esperanza got a bright, sunny yellow nursery with white accents and pale green ivy on the walls. I had no idea Chick was such a good artist." I smiled as I thought of the new room. I had to give up my tiny office but that was ok, I could do any work I needed to do from the rolltop in the living room and when Juice came back he'd have his office just as he left it.

"God I wanna touch you." He practically growled and I took a deep breath.

"I want you to, but you're gonna have to wait. Now, tell me about how Dad took care of your little problem." Juice sighed before he reluctantly told me about the whole situation. Apparently the whole fight happened because one of the prisoners saw the Paiute symbol he had on his bicep and called him on not being Native. Juice's defense wasn't good enough so they knocked heads and since Juice didn't start the fight he didn't get a write up but the dude got punished. After the dude who fought Juice got out of solitary Dad had a discussion with him about leaving his men alone and showed his own Tribal ink. Now they had new allies on the inside.

"At least something good came of it." Juice said as he finished the story and I could do nothing but agree.

* * *

"You bitch!" Koz shouted as he elbowed Chantal in the ribs and she responded by doing something with her finger which caused his character to blow up. As "Game Over" flashed on the screen he sent her a death glare.

"Oh stop it or I'll tell your nurse that you're mean t women." She stuck her tongue out at him and it was hilarious to watch him cave.

"Shut it. Aren't you going to defend me Mills, sweetheart?" Koz affected a hurt tone and I laughed from my spot on the recliner.

"You're a grown ass man and SaA you can defend your own damn self." He chuckled and got up.

"Need anything, I'm gonna get a brew?" He asked as he stood and stretched.

"I'll take some orange juice; I need to up my vitamin C." He nodded and went to the kitchen while Chantal took another game off the shelf and put it in.

"So, you tell Juice I'm living in his house yet?" Chantal asked and I hissed. He had no idea and I wanted to keep it that way. She was just living with me to help with my personal care and to be there when Esperanza was born. She was gonna be moved out by the time Juice got home so I was hoping it wouldn't be an issue.

"No I didn't tell him. An hour isn't long enough to go through the issues this would bring up." She nodded as she sat back and started creating a player profile.

"You have to tell him, otherwise those issues are just gonna grow. Besides we worked through most of our shit and he knows I won't capitalize on your vulnerability. I mean look, I can actually say his name now, no bitchy nicknames or descriptors." She was speaking the truth but I knew he still didn't completely trust her.

"I'll tell him during my next visit." She looked satisfied and started playing her game.

Koz came in a second later and handed me a glass of orange juice with some ice. Before he sat on the couch and took a long pull of his brew. He looked so content, so domestic that I had to give him shit about it.

"Shouldn't you be at the clubhouse dude? I bet the croweaters miss you." I gave him mock-sad eyes and he rolled his.

"Let them miss me. I'm here with my girls. Nowhere else I'd rather be." It was so honest that it made me smile. I liked having my surrogate big brother around, it made life easier.

"Except for in bed with a certain nurse." Chantal piped up from her seat on the floor before she was pushed over by Koz. "Hey you just killed me."

"Sorry slipped and I dare you to prove otherwise." He took another drink of his beer and she smiled.

"Don't need to I'll get you back, you won't know when or where or how, but it will happen and I _will _get the last laugh." She smirked and Koz just shook his head. He was in for trouble and didn't even realize it.

I laughed and smiled as I sat and tried to find a comfortable position. My back had been hurting for hours and no position seemed to work for me. At about my fifth shift Koz looked over and his brow furrowed.

"Are you ok sweetheart?" He set down his brew and moved over before Chantal crawled toward me and put her hand on my knee.

"What's wrong?" She patted my hand and I sighed.

"I'm fine, just some back pain, I'm fine. It's been hurting all day." They looked at each other before Koz took out his cell.

"Where on your back baby?" Chantal asked as Koz got up and went into my bedroom.

"The lower back. I'm fine it comes and goes." She got this big smile on her face and stood up before she went to my coat rack and got my shoes, "What are you doing?

"I'm getting your stuff sweetheart. You're gonna have a baby." I shook my head and she nodded.

"No, not for another two weeks. It's planned." I shook my head, I wasn't ready.

"Esperanza has other plans, now get your ass up and get ready. What did she say?" Chantal asked as Koz came back with my emergency bag.

"Tara will meet us at the hospital; she's already called Dr. Nior and told her to prep the operating room. Looks like you're having this baby tonight." Koz helped me stand and actually picked me up and carried me bridal style.

"I'm not ready." I said with tears in my eyes and Koz gave me his smile.

"No one ever is sweetheart." He moved through the door and we went to the car. I was more frightened than I'd ever been in my life. Could I do this?

* * *

**Author's Note:** Yay, they're back! I tried writing my other stories and have met a wall of monumental writer's block. Milla just would not leave my head so here's the continuation of their story. As always I look forward to your reviews and I hope you all like this story.


	2. Chapter 2

**I own nothing you recognize. Gillian belongs to the amazing Superdani and of course Milla, Chantal and anyone else you don't recognize belongs to me.**

**Chapter Two**

"Everything looks good Mills. Sometime during the day your water broke and you're dilated about four centimeters, but we don't need to worry about that. How are you feeling?" Tara asked and I took a deep breath.

"Scared out of my mind. I'm two weeks early Tara. Shit, Lowen was going to find a way for Juice to be on the phone or something, now… Tara! How will he find out?" I started to panic and Tara put her hand on my shoulder.

"Calm down sweetheart. I talked to Gemma and she's talking to Lowen and Rosen right now. Something good will happen, you'll see." I gave her a skeptical look and she simply smiled at me. She knew something. Just as I was about to say something pain rippled across my belly and banded around. I wanted drugs…now.

"Tara, I need drugs." My voice was breathy from the pain and she simply squeezed the hand that was on my shoulder.

"Dr. Nior will be here any time. Just wait, be patient." She moved her hand and it was a smart move I was ready to attack.

"This wasn't supposed to happen yet. I'm not ready." I was scared and Tara gave me wide, sympathetic eyes.

"I've seen you with Ellie, with Abel. You're ready, more ready than you think you are. I'm going to go check in with Dr. Nior. I want you in that OR within the next hour. Your heartbeat is getting erratic and I don't like it." I was surprised to hear that, I'd been so focused on the pain and my nerves that I'd totally missed the issues with my heart. With one last look she went out and I was left alone, I hated being alone. I felt another contraction and started doing my breathing; I was a nervous wreck and needed to calm down. The last thing I wanted was to be on the mini-monitor again. As I was starting to calm down I heard the click-clack of heels coming down the hallway. Thank god, they were letting Chantal in. I needed her, hell I needed anyone. The feet paused briefly outside the door before I heard them moving with purpose. I looked over, expecting to see Chantal and felt my eyes widen, there was my Mom in all her Queenly glory.

"Ma, what are you doing here? How are you here?" She simply smiled at me as she came to the bed and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"I've had this in the works since they put the damn thing on my ankle. As long as I have a police escort and don't leave the hospital premises I'm allowed to be here for the birth of my grandchild. It doesn't hurt that my only daughter's prone to emotional and physical distress. Officer Eglee, Candy-"She snorted at that, "was happy to bring me in and stay as long as I needed. Aren't you happy to see me?"

There was nothing I could say I simply held out my hand and she took it. I was freaking ecstatic to see her, now if only Juice could be part of this I'd consider myself that happiest person in the world. Mom dragged a chair over and sat by my bed while she told me about the room she was having remodeled in the house which would be for her grandbabies. She had plans for Abel, Espy and Tara's bambino to spend a lot of time with her. Well Abel already spent a lot of time with her but that was simply due to the fact that Neeta was with me quite a bit and Ma had a lot of time on her hands lately and an idle Gemma was potentially dangerous. As we chatted Gillian came in to check my vitals. I had been surprised to see her since I knew she was off shift, I was as much privy to her schedule as Koz was. I had to keep tabs on him; the man was known to do crazy things to get what he wanted.

"Gillian, what are you doing here?"I was happy to see her, but it still caught me off guard.

"Didn't think I was going to miss this, did you?"She winked and went to stand at the end of my bed, with charts in hand and I smiled.

"Who are you?" I almost cringed at Mom's bluntness but stopped myself. If Gillian was going to be around she had to learn how to deal with the Queen.

"Gillian Smith, I'm the nurse assisting Dr. Knowles. I'll be with Milla through the whole procedure." She gave me a smile which caused mine to widen.

"Gillian? I've heard about you." Mom had a smirk on her face and I sighed. "You've made quite the impression on Kozik."

Gillian blushed and marked something in the chart before she seemed to collect herself. But I decided to save her from any further discomfort.

"Gillian, this is my Mom Gemma Teller-Morrow. I'd say she's not always this gruff but I don't want to lie to you." Mom turned her smirk to me while Gillian smiled again.

"Nothing to worry about. Dr. Nior is having the Operating Room prepped and Dr. Knowles had to speak to Ms. Murphy about something but she should be here soon to give you another internal examination." I groaned. I loved Tara and knew she could compartmentalize her doctor and Old Lady roles but having her check my dilation was beyond awkward. "I have to give this chart to Dr. Nior, is there anything you want me to get you while I'm out?"

"I'll have a coffee, doll, black with two sugars. Get my baby some ice chips and let everyone in the hall know how she is." Giving orders, what my Mom was best at.

"Sure thing." Gillian said as she exited the room.

"She seems nice, not the usual ass Koz pulls. She good to you baby?" Mom asked as she found a loose strand of my hair and played with it.

"I consider her a friend; she's nice, competent and very good at her job. We've talked a few times; I really haven't told her much about us. There's something about her that seems so innocent, I don't wanna corrupt her." I shrugged and Mom snorted.

"I think Koz has plans of his own about corrupting the nurse. As long as she's good to you and keeps her nose out of club business we won't have a problem." Mom continued to play with my hair before she decided to get up and report my status to everyone in the hall.

During her absence I had a mini panic attack and luckily Gillian came in and managed to talk me down. I don't even know what I said but Juice's name came up a few times and Gillian was laughing. Once I was calm Mom came in wearing scrubs, a hairnet and a face mask followed by Tara and Dr. Nior in similar get ups.

"Let's go have this baby!" Dr. Nior said brightly and Gillian came in and helped me get onto the gurney for transport.

As we wheeled down the hall I caught Koz's eye and he smiled and gave me a thumbs up while Lyla and Chantal blew me kisses. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I was freaking out but I could do this, I wouldn't even have to push or worry about an episiotomy. I'd be just as tight for Juice when he came out as I was when he went in. The randomness of the thought made me laugh and I got a knowing look from my Mom and Tara, I'd had the tightness discussion with both of them and they could be mind readers when they wanted to be. Once we were in the OR Gillian and another nurse started prepping me. Gillian gently lifted my head and put a hairnet on me while the other started the IV process. Great I'd be on the table at least half an hour before they'd start the cuts.

"We have a fast acting anesthetic that we're going to use on you Milla. It's mainly a muscle relaxer but it will also go to work on those nasty labor pains. We have two options, we can give you a spinal block with the epidural that is a continuous IV feed or we could use a regional block which is a single shot to a group of nerves in your spine. Normally we would just use a regional block without the epidural but due to your heart and blood pressure issues we feel including the epidural is best. Luckily as it is fast acting it is also fast releasing and you will be able to interact with Esperanza immediately. Anything else you'd like to add Dr. Knowles?" Dr. Nior asked and I looked over to see Tara and the nurse who wasn't Gillian fixing up what looked like a laptop.

"Nothing about the procedure but we will be having a special guest in a matter of seconds." She turned her head and I could see her eyes crinkle in a smile before I heard a voice that made me burst into tears.

"Is the camera working on my end, I can see you guys. Can you see me Tara?" Juice's voice rang out in the nearly silent operating room.

"We can see you Juice. You can see us, but can you see Milla?" She moved and I looked over seeing Juice's grinning face and it was almost as though we could actually make eye contact.

"Yeah I see the most beautiful woman in the world. How are you baby?" He asked and I was crying too hard to say anything. The only thing better would have been to have him there.

"How?" I managed to ask after I composed myself and he grinned wider.

"Lowen worked out a deal with the DA and the warden. I'm gonna have to do some weird teaching thing but it's worth it to be here with you baby."I felt the tears start again.

"I love you." I smiled and he kissed his thumb and pressed it to the camera unself-consciously.

"I love you more than anything else in the world. You ready to start doc? I wanna be a Daddy as soon as possible." The joy in his voice made me laugh and I managed to tear my eyes from my husband long enough to see the nurses working in tandem to drape my lower body so I couldn't see anything and I saw a man, who I knew from experience was the anesthesiologist prepping what looked like a really long needle with a huge reservoir. He looked over before he gave a spiel about what the drug was. I didn't care so once he was done explaining I looked back over to see Juice glaring at him, he was entirely too close to my lady parts. Jealousy was not something Juice would give up easily.

"We're ready to start. Milla you'll feel a pinch followed by an extended bit of pressure as Mr. Gavin starts to administer the regional anesthetic. Nurse Smith and Nurse Reynolds will help us roll you onto your side as Mr. Gavin injects the anesthetic. It should be over in a matter of seconds." No sooner had she finished explaining the procedure before Gillian and Nurse Reynolds rolled me over, making my back visible.

"Hey, where are you injecting that?" I could hear the concern in Juice's voice and it made me smile.

"The regional anesthetic or nerve block must be administered to the spine Mr. Ortiz. Once it is administered we have a twenty minute time limit to get the procedure done but Dr. Knowles and I know what we're doing. Between us we've conducted nearly a hundred c-sections." I could tell Juice was nodding. He didn't like it but there was nothing he could do.

"I'm ready back here. Milla, just remember to breath and calm down. The pain will be over before you know it and you'll have your baby in your arms." I nodded then hissed as I felt the needle go into my back. A "pinch" my ass it was a sharp, burning pain, so bad that I felt nauseated but soon enough the pain stopped, but so did all feeling in my legs. Well at least I wouldn't feel them cutting into me.

"Milla? Baby? You ok?" Mom asked and I looked into her eyes, knowing mine were swimming in tears. I nodded and she took a deep breath. She was nervous about seeing me cut open. It was nice to know something could shake her up.

"We'll give the block about two minutes to be sure it's working then we'll begin." Dr. Nior said as I was rolled onto my back again. Once I could look over I looked to the computer screen and saw Juice staring intently at me and everything that was going on. I would have given just about anything to have him there with me.

"Milla, sweetie, we're going to start." Tara said and I nodded. I had the option of watching the surgery but I decided to focus on Juice.

"Hang in there baby, you're so strong. Talk to me," I nodded and kept my eyes on him.

"I shoulda told you this earlier baby. Chantal's living with me and Koz right now. Don't be mad." I quickly added the last and sucked in a breath. They'd started; I could feel pressure where the scalpel was cutting me open.

"Baby, I know. Koz told me before she moved in. It's ok, I'm not mad at all. You need her and I'm glad you have someone you can trust. They've started Milla, soon we're gonna have our little girl." I grinned at that and took a deep breath as I felt my insides shift then I felt a tug.

"Look over here baby." I could hear tears in Mom's eyes and I looked over to see Dr. Nior and Tara holding a bloody gooey thing which Dr. Nior held at an angle while Tara used what looked like a little vacuum to clean out its nose and throat. Dr. Nior held my baby at a steeper angle before she lightly slapped her bottom. That did it my baby cried and I cried with her.

"You did it baby, I'm so proud of you." I could hear Juice talking but my eyes were on that bloody gooey little person.

"Well Mama, you've got a beautiful little girl. Dr. Knowles is going to get her cleaned up while I sew you up. How does it feel Daddy?" Dr. Nior asked as she looked to computer screen and as soon as Esperanza went out the door with Tara I looked over and saw tears in Juice's eyes.

"I don't think I've ever been this happy. We did it baby." I nodded and kissed my fingertips before I feebly blew him a kiss.

"We're going to cut the feed now Mr. Ortiz. Once Milla is set up in her room we'll resume it." I shook my head I wanted him with me.

"It's ok baby. I'll see you soon. I love you." Nurse Reynolds hit a button and he disappeared. I looked for Gillian before I realized that she must have gone with Tara.

Dr. Nior and Nurse Reynolds sent Mom out before they started cleaning me up. I could feel them working but there was a glorious lack of pain. A few minutes into the suturing Tara came through the door pushing the cart. She smiled a crinkly-eyed smile before she lifted my baby out of the cart and set her on my stomach.

"She's beautiful. You did so well Milla." She held Esperanza to my chest and I really looked at my baby for the first time. She was absolutely beautiful. Her skin was the same rich caramel of her father's and she looked like she had a less prominent version of his nose but the cheekbones and the set of her brow were pure Morrow. She also had a full head of dark, downy hair and it made me smile, I couldn't wait to braid that dark hair. All I needed was to see her eyes. I hoped she had her Daddy's deep chocolate brown.

"Hey babygirl. I'm your Mommy." I said quietly as my voice got strangled with emotion. She was the single most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I knew without a doubt that if anyone hurt her they'd get a bullet between the eyes. No one would ever hurt my baby.

"We're ready to take you to the room now." I nodded and Tara took Espy off my chest as I was cautiously moved to a gurney for the return to the room.

Once we were settled in the room Tara put Espy in my arms and they set up the feed. Juice was the proud Daddy as we got a steady stream of visitors. Opie and Lyla were there but I was assured that Ellie would visit the next day. Since it was two-thirty in the morning I was actually glad they'd left the kids at home with Neeta. I breathed a sigh of relief when I learned that Abel was with them. The hospital in the middle of the night was the last place for the baby boy. I had tears in my eyes as Piney put a pink beanie with the Reaper on it on Esperanza's head. It was official, she was a club kid now and every man with a patch was now honor bound to protect her with their very life. I was getting groggy and starting to dip into sleep when Mom liberated Espy from my arms and kicked everyone out with assurances that they'd get to visit me the next day. Koz assured me that he'd be in the hallway watching out for us and Chantal promised she'd watch the house but she'd be returning the next day. I was glad and smiled when Juice said he held her to her promise. Maybe they really had worked through their shit.

I started to nod off and Mom took a seat next to me. I'd rest for a little while then we'd give Espy her first feeding. With one last look at my baby my eyelids closed and I was out like a light.

* * *

"Can I hold my baby Ma?" I asked as I watched my Mom holding Esperanza as she stood by the window a couple of hours after I'd finally been able to rest.

"Sure baby. She's so beautiful." Mom gave me a smile as she handed Esperanza to me and I stared in awe at the little bundle in my arms in her Sons onesie and hat. I had no idea when they'd put the onesie on her but I had a suspicion that Mom was behind it.

"Of course she is, she looks just like her Daddy." I smiled as she started air sucking and I knew she'd need her next feeding soon.

"Don't worry she'll grow out of that." I chuckled before I moved to cuddle Espy closer.

"Don't listen to grandma, you have a handsome Daddy and you look just like him." I kissed the top of her head. I had never loved anyone as much as I loved the little girl in my arms. The only person who'd ever come close was her Daddy.

"How does it feel baby?" Mom asked as she caressed my hair and looked at Espy.

"I've never fallen in love so quickly. She's my everything Ma. Did you feel like this the first time you held Jax? Did you feel like everything in your life finally made sense, had a purpose?" I asked as I stared at my baby's face.

"Sounds about right, felt the same way when I held you that first time too. I had my little princess. I think you're one of the reasons I made it after Tommy. You gave me a reason to move on." I turned my eyes to Mom in shock. She'd never said anything like that before. In fact sometimes I thought I was a burden to her, an inconvenience. I wasn't one of her "boys", I never thought I meant so much to her. I felt tears in my eyes and let them flow as mom reached over and took out a tissue. She smiled as she started wiping the tear tracks from my face. "Don't look so surprised, you know I love ya."

"Now I do." I whispered as I shared a watery smile with Mom.

* * *

"What's wrong with her? How bad is the heart thing?" Juice asked and I took a deep breath as I looked to my side where Espy was resting in her bassinet. She was two days old and still the most beautiful little thing in the world. She was in, yet another, SAMCRO onesie and sleeping so soundly I doubted an atomic blast could wake her. She was definitely her Father's daughter

"Well the tear is larger than they thought and we were given two options. One we just have her medicated and see what happens. She could be like me and have a stress induced reaction decades from now or she could potentially develop symptoms like Tommy." I felt my throat practically close as I thought of the big brother I'd never met whose death had caused a pain so big that the club was nearly destroyed. Mom had survived his loss but I doubted I could handle losing Esperanza.

"What would it mean to have the surgery?" His voice was quiet; I knew he was having the same thoughts I was.

"They're confident that they'd be able to fix the problem with a minimally invasive procedure. She'd have to stay in the hospital an extra week as the incisions healed. Honestly I think this is the best option and since I'm also having a minor surgery we wouldn't be separated." I took a deep breath and saw Espy start to move. She'd be ready for her next feeding soon.

"Ok, I'm with you on this. Get our baby girl the surgery. Is there anything for me to sign?" He asked and I smiled. He wanted to do what he could to keep his girls safe.

"No baby, since you gave me power of attorney while you're in I'm responsible for everything." I was about to add more when there was a beep.

"Shit baby, I'm outta time. I love you two more than anything and give Espy a kiss from me. I'll have Lowen send me Espy's stats." I felt tears prick my eyes. I missed him so much.

"We love you too baby. Be safe in there." He grunted and the call was cut off. I hung up my phone and sighed. The next year was going to be tough but as long as I had my baby I could do it. Suddenly there was a wail for the bassinet and I smiled, she was hungry and would fuss until she was fed. I shook my head as I pressed the call button. Yep, she was definitely her Father's daughter.


	3. Chapter 3

**I own nothing you recognize. The characters of Milla, Chantal, Esperanza, Chick and Dr. Bremmer belong to me. Gillian belongs to the wonderful and understanding Superdani. Thank you for the collaboration sweetheart!  
**

**Chapter Three**

"You'll be doing the surgery, right?" I asked Tara as she stood by my bed and held Esperanza.

"Unless you think this is a conflict of interest." She said as she gave me a sly smile and ran a fingertip along Espy's cheek.

"I'll cry foul is anyone _but_ you performs the surgery." I gave her a hard look and her smile widened.

"Then you have nothing to worry about. When are you going under?" Espy fussed a little and Tara started rocking her. She must have really loved her Aunt Tara since she calmed down right away.

"Dr. Bremmer agreed to wait until after Espy's surgery." I sighed, I was getting a temporary pacemaker put in, the erratic heartbeat I had while I was in labor had caused some damage and the pacemaker would even out the beat and I'd be fine until I could get the hole repaired. Dr. Bremmer and I agreed that it would be best to wait until Espy was older before I had the surgery.

"Sounds like a good plan, Espy needs you." She cuddled Espy closer before she gave me a more familiar smile.

"Abel needs you." I smiled at her and we stayed in comfortable silence before she had to leave for her rounds.

I stared at the bassinet for what felt like hours as Espy slept. I didn't want to think about her having surgery, even a necessary surgery, and it was bothering me. I had a suspicion that I might have to be sedated when she went in, I didn't think I could remain calm without actually seeing her. As I used my good arm to move her bassinet closer there was a knock at the door before a huge bunch of balloons were thrust through followed by my favorite teenager.

"Tris!" I said happily while she smiled and moved to the bed. Her progress was stopped as she looked into the bassinet.

"She's so cute!" She squealed before she passed the balloons to me and started cooing and baby talking into the bassinet. A few seconds after she'd planted herself next to Espy a smiling Elliot walked into the room carrying a large box and balancing a vase of tiger lilies, someone must have told him they were my favorite flowers.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as he leaned over and kissed my cheek while Tristen continued to baby talk Esperanza.

"I'm good, after my surgery tomorrow I'll be better. You guys made it just in time, Espy's about to go into surgery soon and I'll be a wreck." I went out of my way to be honest with Elliot and Tristen, it was just good job acumen.

"I heard that she had the same heart defect. I take it they're confident about her recovery?" Elliot asked as he took a chair from the other side of the room and sat down while Tris smiled at me before she went back to cooing.

"Very confident and I got assurances that Tara would be doing the surgery. I am confident but it's still terrifying. I can't imagine any parent being ok with their kids going under the knife." I gave him a sad smile and he nodded.

"Tristen had her tonsils taken out three years ago and Karen and I were…well now you know how we were." He smiled before he stood and looked into the bassinet with Tris. "She is beautiful; she has a lot of her father in her."

"Yeah she does. How's everything going?" I was worried about Elliot, he was really good at putting up a brave face for Tristen but I could see the tightness around his eyes and the forced nature of his smile.

"Nothing to concern yourself with just know that I can't wait for you to get well. Gemma told me you were having surgery as well. What happened to you this time?" His tone was jovial but pure concern radiated from his eyes.

"They're putting in a pacemaker, I'm less concerned with that than I am about Espy." I looked over and saw Tris playing with Espy's fingers.

"She's so tiny, can I babysit when you go back to working for Dad?" She asked as she looked at me with smiling eyes.

"If you can wrestle her from my Mom." We shared a smile and chatted for a while before I opened the gift they'd brought. Inside the box there was an activity center so that Espy could play on the floor and work on her hand/eye coordination and several tiny, expensive looking, outfits. There was also a gift certificate to one of the upscale baby boutiques in Sacramento. Tristen must have went shopping with Karen to get all this. It was nice to know that even though she and Elliot were no longer together she felt no ill will toward me. I thanked them and they left. Now I just had to wait until they came in to bring Espy to the OR. The waiting was the worst part

* * *

I was in my bed staring at my clock. They took Esperanza in an hour and a half ago and despite the fact Chantal was sitting with me I was a nervous wreck. Both Tara and Gillian had assured me that everything was going to be fine but until I held my baby in my arms again or kissed her tiny head I wouldn't be alright.

"Your Mom's in the waiting room, want me to get her?" Chantal asked nervously as she watched my face.

"No I think that would actually make me more nervous. Could you go check on her though?" I loved Chantal but I needed to be alone. As soon as she left the room I took a few deep breaths and did something I never did…I prayed and it made me feel better even though I wasn't a believer. As if in answer to my prayers Gillian came through the door, giving a little knock on the door. I glanced up at the clock again and realized more time had passed, I must have zoned while I prayed.

"Everything's fine, her heartbeat is regulated and she's already starting to wake up. We're going to keep her under observation tonight but we'll bring you to see her soon. You have a strong little one there." She smiled and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you so much. She looks good?" I felt my brow furrow and Gillian gave me a slight smile.

"She has good color and of course she's beautiful. Relax and I'll bring you to her once we've double checked everything." I nodded and gave her a smile as she left the room. If my baby was fine then maybe the world wasn't out to get me.

Later I sat in my wheelchair in front of the glass partition with my Mom on one side and Chantal on the other as we watched Esperanza sleep in the small protective bed; since she was recovering from surgery they wanted her in a germ-free environment. Mom held a hand on my shoulder while her police escort hung back and let us have this moment to ourselves.

"When are Koz and Chick getting back from Thief River?" I asked Mom as she squeezed. Now that he wasn't around I had an almost desperate need to have Koz with me.

"Tomorrow morning, he'll be here in plenty of time for your surgery." Mom leaned down and kissed my forehead while I nodded. Good, he could watch over my baby while I was in surgery.

"Good." I didn't say anything else as I watched my baby's chest rise and fall. As long as she was ok I could relax.

* * *

"Come on peanut, Mama and Gillian need some sleep and you need to rest up so you can meet your Daddy, Grandpa and Uncle Jax tomorrow." I told my angel as I stood over her crib while I waited for Gillian to come from the kitchen and pick her up. I had resentment attached to my arm but now it was a murderous hatred. I shouldn't have to depend on other people to pick up my baby. We'd been home three days and it didn't get any easier to deal with. A few seconds later Gillian came in with a bottle of breast milk and pointed me in the direction of the rocking chair. I settled myself in and waited while Gillian picked up Espy and carried her to me. I couldn't keep the smile from my face as Espy settled down once I propped her.

"Thanks Gillian." I smiled at her before I tipped the bottle to my babygirl's lips. At two weeks old she was getting bigger and as she healed from her surgery she was getting stronger. I had thought that I'd be physically breast feeding Esperanza but after the first attempt in the hospital I discovered that with my arm the way it was and while I recovered from my own surgery I wasn't able to hold her close enough to get her to the actual breast but as long as I pumped my breasts twice a day I had plenty to give my baby.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go to Stockton tomorrow, to help with Esperanza?" Gillian asked as she hovered near the crib.

"Yes I'm sure; Chantal's coming to help with Espy, besides we want you to keep your innocence for as long as possible. You're already being lumped with us around town and that hasn't helped your image." She gave me a blank look before smiling and I smiled at her and stared down as Espy sucked her bottle.

"Oh yeah I hate being lumped with a nice group of people who go out of their way to help me, who fix my shower for free. It just sucks being part of that." Her sarcasm made me smile. It amazed me how much trust she put in us.

"Ok Gillian I get it, you see nothing wrong with us but a lot of people do and I worry about you. Also I like having you around, it helps having someone with us who's above suspicion." I gave her a wider smile and she rolled her eyes again.

"Stop worrying about me. I'm a grown woman and can take care of myself. Is Kozik going with?" She asked as she helped me prop Espy better on the pillow. My smile turned sly but it was lost on her since her eyes were on Esperanza.

"Yeah, he's going to visit our guy Happy. He finally got out of solitary so Koz has to update him on the stuff that's gone down." I looked up from Espy's face and saw that her eyes were wide, I had to make it sound better. "Don't worry Hap was just doing his job, he was protecting his brothers. In fact, he saved Juice's ass."

"He was in solitary? What did he do?" Gillian was always curious but respectful, I tried to keep her out of as much club business as possible.

"Let's just say that he had to be _persuasive_ with someone who wouldn't leave my husband alone. Luckily no one died." As soon as I said it I cursed myself but Gillian just shook her head.

"Is your husband ok?" Ever since I'd told her about Juice during my mini freakout I'd been telling her little stories and one day we went through my wedding album and picture box and she put up with me while I blubbered like an idiot.

"Juice is great, can't wait to hold this little one though. Seriously, he was like a kid on Christmas morning the last time I talked to him." I grinned and looked down at the little one in question. She'd stopped sucking and looked like she was finally ready to sleep. I looked at Gillian who nodded and took Espy, she carefully balanced her on her chest and rubbed circles in her back. Because of the surgery we had to be very careful when it came to feeding and burping her. After a few minutes there was a little burp and Gillian brought her to the crib and made sure she was settled.

"She's sleeping, want me to do anything else?" I shook my head as I slowly rose. For the first few days after the C-Section standing up was the most awkward thing in the world. It had felt like my lower body was "settling" it was like my organs were moving independently and I hated it. Now I was just sore but Tara said that would be the norm for about five weeks, oh joy.

"Just try to get some rest. Thank you." I gave her another smile before I went to the crib again to look at my baby. Soon she'd be meeting her Daddy and the thought made me grin, he already loved her but he was about to learn just how quickly and deeply he could fall for someone. "Mommy loves you babygirl."

* * *

"Alright, Ms. Tau you're cleared." The guard flirted as he handed her ID back and she flirted with everything in her arsenal. During an earlier visit I'd learned that I could get away with a lot as long as Chantal was there showing off her tits.

"Thank you." She smiled as she settled Esperanza in her arms again. I'd learned that I could stand or I could hold Espy, not both at the same time.

We waited for a few minutes more while Tara and Koz went through the security checklists. Since this was a family meeting we had to undergo even more intense checks since we'd be meeting with more than one of the guys at a time. Well I'd have a fifteen minute window alone with Juice but then Dad and Jax would have a chance to see us. I heard a gurgle as I looked over to see Tara standing next to me with Abel. He gurgled again and leaned toward me, I smiled before I tilted my head and kissed his little baby cheek. He giggled and Tara and I shared a smile.

The locks soon disengaged and we were led in. I looked over and saw Juice bouncing in his seat, as soon as he saw me with Chantal a grin split his face and I felt an answering look on mine. A guard led us to the table and Chantal and I sat while Juice took a deep breath.

"Can I?" He asked no one in particular and the guard nodded while Chantal stood again and moved so that she could place Esperanza in his arms. He stared in awe at her and I felt tears streaming from my eyes as I saw tears in his. "Hey there pretty girl, I'm your Daddy."

His eyes were on her and I looked over to Chantal to see her crying. She looked over at me before she handed me a tissue and we watched Juice get acquainted with his daughter.

"You're so beautiful Esperanza. You look just like your Mommy and we both know she's the most beautiful girl in the world. Someday I'll tell you about your grandma, she's the first Esperanza and she would have loved you. God, I've done so many wrong things in my life but you're the one thing I did perfectly." He leaned down and kissed her forehead and the tears started coming faster from my eyes. He looked up at me and there was still that awe on his face. "I'm wrong, you're the one thing _we_ did perfectly."

"I love you." I whispered and he leaned down to kiss Espy again.

"I love you both more than anything in the world. She's so tiny, my tiny, little princess." He smiled wider and was drawn under her spell again. The fifteen minutes passed quickly and before I knew it Tara came to sit with Chantal and I and Dad and Jax joined the table.

"Hey Daddy." I smiled and my Dad gave me the indulgent smile that he always reserved for me.

"Hey angel." He smiled wider and looked over at Juice who looked like he was never going to let Espy go. "Hey can I hold my granddaughter?"

Juice looked up and he looked like he was about to protest but then he looked in Dad's eyes and they shared what could only be described as a fatherly exchange and he passed Esperanza over. The look of pride on Dad's face made me smile and I felt tears in my eyes again, but couldn't help but laugh as Dad talked to Espy.

"You look just like your Mommy when she was tiny like this. I'm going to have to beat the boys off with a stick but I have your Daddy and Uncle Jax to help with that." Both of the guys nodded and Jax leaned over to look at Espy with Abel in his arms and Abel looked over too. He had a fascination with the tiny baby. "You will never have to worry about anything babygirl, if grandpa can get it for you it's yours, if he has to tear the world apart to get you what you need he will but you gotta promise me something too. No boys, your Mom almost killed me until she found one good enough so no boys. Ok? We'll have this talk again in a few years but until then just remember…no boys."

We all shared a chuckle at that and Dad looked like he never wanted to let go but he relented when Jax offered up an exchange, Dad would take Abel while he held Espy. Jax smiled at me as soon as Esperanza was settled in his arms.

"I'm so proud of you." Jax told me as he cradled Esperanza, then he chuckled again, "I can't believe something this beautiful came from that goofy looking bastard."

Juice just shook his head, used to being the butt of jokes. I just smiled as I watched Jax smile at his niece, he apparently didn't have any rules or platitudes for her and I was ok with that. Once he got out of prison he'd have plenty of time to be the "cool" uncle as was his birthright. Once time started to get low he handed Espy back to Juice who held her in a death grip.

"Fifteen Minutes!" The guard shouted and I felt like panicking. This was nowhere near enough time for Juice and Espy. I'd been bonding with her since she was born and he had barely gotten to hold her. Life wasn't fair.

"It's ok baby. I'll see you both again next week, then we can spend the whole hour together." He grinned and it calmed me down, he was always insanely perceptive when it came to me and I was grateful for it.

"I just want you to have some time with your daughter. She deserves to know her Daddy." I said it quietly and Juice smiled sadly before he moved and deposited Esperanza in my arms. During the exchange he briefly gripped my fingers and that touch calmed me more than an entire bottle of Zoloft could have.

"Don't worry sweetheart, she'll know her Daddy. We're doing what we can to keep his ass around for you." I had to laugh at Dad's announcement, he had no idea how grateful I was for their diligence.

Far too soon the hour was over and we watched as the guys were taken to the back, Juice looked back and gave me a smile while Chantal put Esperanza back in her car seat and I waved before he was out of sight. With a sigh I helped Chantal with what I could and we walked out. Koz was standing outside on his cell but he ended the call when he saw us and sauntered over.

"Everything go ok?" He asked as he reached out and wiped away a tear I hadn't known escaped.

"As well as it could. It just seems so unfair." I took a deep breath and stopped my tears while he smiled.

"I get that. I just got off the phone with Gillian, she's up for dinner tonight. How do you girls feel about having a family dinner tonight? Gemma said that if you agreed to help she'd host." He was so happy that it was infectious.

"You get Lyla to help and we're there." Chantal answered for us and Tara rolled her eyes but still smiled. I knew we were sharing the same thought. Gillian was about to get a baptism by fire.

Koz just grinned and kissed my cheek before he sauntered over to his bike prouder than a peacock. That boy had it bad but for once he'd made a good choice. With a smile to Chantal we walked to her car and left. We suddenly had a lot of shit to do and a short time to do it in.

* * *

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I own nothing you recognize. Gillian belongs to the wonderful Superdani and everyone else you don't recognize is mine.**

**Chapter Four**

"Ellie, sweetie, can you take Espy and put her down in the bassinet?" Ellie jumped out of the seat next to me and took Esperanza out of my arms. She'd only been Auntie Ellie for two weeks and she was already the perfect little pseudo-mommy.

I took a deep breath as I watched them go through the doorway to the den. Mom sat next to me once Ellie was gone and pushed a glass of orange juice in my direction.

"Drink up, you've been looking kinda tired lately, you can't afford to get sick." She took a drink from her own glass and I sighed. I had shit to talk to her about.

"Well if I get sick we have doctors and nurses at our beck and call. Speaking of nurses, what the hell Ma?" Her interaction with and _kindness_ to Gillian was disconcerting to say the least.

"What I'm not supposed to be good to people? Aren't you the one who spent the majority of your life trying to make me _nicer_?" She shook her head and chuckled while I took a deep breath and held in my glare.

"I gave up when I realized you were never going to change, now suddenly you're buddy, buddy with a relative stranger and I'm not supposed to think anything of it? Jesus Ma, just warn me before the hammer drops." I sipped my orange juice and she took a longer swallow of what she was drinking.

"No hammer to drop. Can't you believe I'm just being nice because I like her?" She looked like she was honest but I knew Gemma Teller-Morrow better than most people did and it took me the better part of my twenty-five years to get to that point.

"No, I can't believe that because if it were true a huge chunk of my life would be a lie. Seriously, you're not even nice to me out of maternal obligation. Just promise me you won't drive her off." The smile on her face was disconcerting and she merely looked at me.

"If she gets driven off by anything around here then she's not the girl you or Koz need." She took out a cigarette from her pack and lit up. We had a rule, when the kids were here she was restricted to one cigarette an hour and she couldn't be in the same room with the kids when she smoked. Threat of not having access to her grandbabies was a good enough reason for her to do her part. A bike rumbled in the driveway and I got up to see which of the guys was here. I smiled when I saw Phil but the smile faltered a little in confusion as I saw Chantal get off the back. She was supposed to be shopping with Lyla and Tara while Ma and I watched the kids.

"Goddamn, motherfucking sons of bitches." She was cursing up a storm as she made it to the door. Mom had gotten up with me and opened the door as an irate Chantal walked in with a sheepish Phil behind her. She stalked right past me and went to the kitchen, still cursing a blue streak.

"What happened?" The look on Phil's face was pure fear and panic but he was saved from answering when Chantal came back out with a beer in hand.

"Fucking Russians." As soon as she said it Mom and I both tensed. At least she was still alive, that was something.

"Where are Tara and Lyla?" Suddenly I felt cold and nervous; the thought of any of them getting hurt killed me.

"They're at the store, Opie and Chibs are with them. Chantal had to pick something up at your house and one of the Russian bastards followed her. He must have recognized her car." Phil explained; fear still plain on his face.

"My house, shit is it safe for us to go back tonight?" I asked and Mom put an arm around my shoulders.

"Well we don't know. The guys are going to take it to vote whether or not we should have a lockdown." I felt my head start to throb and needed to sit down. I broke away from Mom and walked into the dining room collapsing into a chair.

"No, I'm not going to a lockdown. I have a two week old daughter, I can't handle that shit." I shook my head but rubbed it when the pain started.

"We won't know anything until they go to church." Phil said in a calm placating manner. As if sensing my distress I heard Espy wail from the living room.

I waited for someone to bring me my baby and was rewarded for the wait by seeing the most simultaneously sweet and disconcerting thing I'd ever seen. Phil came into the dining room cradling a calm Espy in his arms. She looked utterly content as he cooed her and he seemed lost in his own little world. It was amazing what an effect a little bundle of human had on big, burly, manly men. She was only two weeks old and she already had these men wrapped around her little finger. Suddenly Phil looked up and blushed.

"Sorry it's just-" Mom put up a hand and smiled at him, a rare real one.

"No need to apologize, that little one has the same effect on everyone. Hold her for a while, she needs to get used to big men in cuts." She put a hand to my shoulder and leaned down to kiss my cheek.

Phil continued to hold Espy while Chantal filled us in on what happened. Apparently she had decided to go to the house and put on some different shoes since she'd hurt her heel earlier and as she pulled into the driveway a large black SUV had blocked the driveway. Luckily Chantal had called Phil and told him she'd broken from the pack and since she wanted to leave her car at the house she knew he'd give her a ride back to the grocery store. She freaked out when the vehicle pulled up and stayed in her car. After a few minutes a man in an expensive suit and sunglasses got out and walked to her car. She refused to open her door or roll down her window so he took matters into his own hands and broke her window. He had a message for the Sons. If they didn't get the money the Russians were owed to them in two weeks time it was war and all their women would be working off that debt. He didn't hurt her but she was still shaken up.

Chantal sat beside me and cried while I held her hand with my good one. This was not good; the Russians had stepped up their game. Maybe a lockdown really was needed. I looked at Phil and his fear was gone, now he was livid. He viewed Chantal as his and the fact that she got hurt on his watch bothered him. Despite his rage he was still holding Espy in that perfect baby hold and I had to give him props, it takes a real man to hold a baby like that. After Chantal calmed down Mom took her in the kitchen and Phil sat down, still holding the baby.

"You're really good with her." He smiled as she shifted a little.

"Oldest of four, you learn to handle babies or you're out on your ass. Besides she's the calmest baby I've ever seen." Just like that he was under her spell again. I had to be careful with her or I was going to end up raising a little diva.

"Don't know where she gets that, Juice and I are both pretty high strung. Think you're going to have your own some day?" I asked as I adjusted my sling. Ever since my latest surgery I'd had more problems with the arm, no position was comfortable. My physical therapist said that was normal but still made me come in three days a week to work with it.

"If I find the right girl." He smiled and I nodded, we both knew that he'd found the right girl, unfortunately she was on the lookout for the right girl herself.

"You will." I smiled sadly and Phil got a call so he handed me my daughter and went outside to answer. It had to have been something important because a few minutes later I heard his kickstart and the rumble.

* * *

About an hour later I was sitting with Ellie going over her English homework when there was the sound of bikes coming up. I'd been on edge ever since Chantal had shared her story. I trusted the guys implicitly, especially after _**The Plan**_, but this seemed too big. The Russians ran a good chunk of the underground and had dealings with many of our "associates" one call to Lin or Leroy and we could have war on our hands from three sides. I knew I was zoning when Ellie touched my hand.

"Aunt Milla? What should my haiku be about? I've asked you a few times." She had a concerned look on her face that a girl her age shouldn't have had.

"What does the assignment say babygirl?" Esperanza was my light and my joy but Ellie would always be my baby too.

"Write a haiku about someone in your family. Can I write bout Espy?" I smiled and placed my hand on her head.

"Of course baby, we'd both like that." She grinned before a look of concentration transformed her face and she turned back to her paper. A few seconds later the door opened and I could hear the sounds of bags being jostled followed by curses.

"Fuck Ope you don't have to man handle me." I kissed the top of Ellie's head before I went into the dining room and saw Lyla and Tara unloading groceries while Opie and Chibs stayed at the door.

"Hey." I looked at them and Tara nodded.

"Hey, do you know what's up? These two haven't given us an inch of space and we were followed by a small formation." As if proving her point more bikes could be heard pulling into the driveway. I felt something in my chest loosen that I didn't even know was tight when Koz came into the house.

"Where's Chanty?" He asked as he looked around.

"She's resting in the guest bedroom." He nodded as he and Opie made their way to the stairs.

"What happened to Chantal?" I looked at Chibs and he nodded. It was alright to tell them.

"The Russians, they broke into her car while she was inside and delivered a message. We have two weeks to get them what was owed for Jimmy or it's war and SAMCRO's women will be working off the debt." I let the implications hang in the air and Tara sat down.

"What does this mean? Are we safe?" She looked at Chibs who shrugged.

"We're going to church as soon as dinner's over, we don't want the kids to suspect somethin's up. We'll arrange a meeting with Putlova because there's no fucking way we can have that much money in two weeks." I nodded, I truly did trust them.

"You didn't answer my question. Are we safe? Milla's got a new baby, is still recovering from multiple surgeries and is by far the most vulnerable. What about her?" Leave it to Tara to put everyone else first.

"We'll do everything we can to keep you safe. We won't let another of our women be hurt on our watch. As far as Milla goes you know we'll keep you and Esperanza safe. Right love?" I nodded and Chibs came over to kiss my head. "Where's the little one?"

"She's sleeping in the living room, Ellie's watching her." Chibs kissed my head again before he went into the living room; he was yet another man who'd fallen under Espy's spell.

"Good you two are back? Did the German have the steaks?" There was Mom unfazed by it all.

"Yes he had the steaks but Jesus, Gemma. We spoke to you half an hour ago and you couldn't fill us in." Tara was angry, being kept in the dark was never a good thing.

"Not my place. Besides the boys were with you and I didn't want you distracted. Now help me in the kitchen, Gimpy over there's only got one hand and our other guest is still at work. Chop chop, we've got things to do." Lyla smiled at Tara's annoyed expression but they both got to work as I went back in the living room and saw Chibs leaning over the bassinet while Ellie watched him out of the corner of her eye. He may have been Uncle Chibs but she was Auntie Ellie and she took her job seriously.

"Did you finish the haiku baby?" I asked to keep her from glaring at Chibs.

"Yeah, let me know if you like it." I nodded and sat on the couch by where she was on the floor.

"The cutest baby / Anyone will ever see / My Esperanza." As she read the haiku I felt tears in my eyes. It was the sweetest, most adorable thing I'd ever heard. "Did you like it?"

"I loved it baby. You should paint it on Espy's wall. Let her know how much her Auntie Ellie loves her." She grinned again and went back to her homework. I looked up from her and dried my eyes, smiling wider as I saw Chibs pic Espy up out of her bassinet. When he looked at me I raised my eyebrow and he chuckled.

"Don't worry over there Mama, I won't wake her up. She just seemed so lonely in her cot." I nodded, no need to explain, she had him around her little finger.

"No problem Chibs, just make sure you get her to me or Ellie if she fusses." He ran a fingertip over her face; I could tell that he was feeling a bit nostalgic. Now that he had his daughter and his wife back he could allow himself to think back to the time when he had his own baby girl.

"Shit!" Ellie shouted and my attention was drawn to her.

"What is it babe?" I wasn't going to yell at her about swearing. A quick talk with her teacher after the black eye incident had reassured me that she was a great kid in school; it's the other ones that were little bastards.

"I'm supposed to write another poem, it's due tomorrow…"She whined and I smiled, all kids had the same problems.

"Any particular subject?" I ruffled her hair and she got out of my way. Oh right, little girls and their hair.

"We're supposed to right about something important to us. I know what I'll write about." She suddenly became somber and started to write.

"Want to share it with me?" She shook her head and erased what she had written. I looked over her shoulder and saw the word "Mom" and knew that she wanted to be left alone.

I watched Ellie for a minute before my eyes were drawn to Chibs again as he gently placed Espy back in her bassinet. I could hear noises from the kitchen and the sound of more bikes riding by. Even though things looked pretty dire I could just sit here and enjoy the calm before the storm. I did have my family after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**I own nothing you recognize. Original characters, with the exception of Gillian, belong to me. Gillian belongs to the wonderful Superdani. I'd be lost without her encouragement.**

**This chapter is dedicated to Superdani, Dutch '76 and Belle. They helped me through a rough patch and it meant the world to me. Thank you.**

**Chapter Five**

I glared at my mother with every ounce of venom I could muster. Not only was I sequestered in the living room with all the other women and kids watching some reality show about trophy wives in Orange County, but Gillian knew everything about the Russians because Ma couldn't keep her mouth shut. I moved my glare from Mom and stared at the tv not caring about anything on it. I knew that Koz would eventually make his move and Gillian would be drawn into this life but until that time I wanted her to be outside the darker aspects of the club. I didn't want her to know about the Russians, the guns, the drug deliveries, just the random shit the guys had to do every day. She was so innocent, so trusting and it was refreshing to have someone like that around. Lyla was never like that, she had a healthy dose of distrust from the beginning. Growing up with an abusive father had removed any easy trust or innocence from Tara before she'd even met Jax. Chantal…well really bad things happened to her that ensured that she'd never trust anyone again without them jumping through hoops for her. Hell, I grew up in the club and I'd been taught that you don't trust anyone unless they've got a Reaper on their back. Gillian though… there was something about her that just made me want to shield her and keep her from the shit I dealt with on a daily basis, but I knew that was a pipe dream. So I just sat and glared as I processed everything.

"Milla, babe, you ok?" Lyla asked and I looked up at her but tilted my head as I thought of how to formulate my thoughts into words.

"She's fine, just restless and pissed off at me. She'll be better when the guys get back." Mom was right as always.

"Why are you mad at Gemma?" Gillian asked and there was a simultaneous snort from Tara, Lyla and Chantal before Mom's glare stopped them. Tara volunteered the answer.

"When isn't she mad at Gemma? Sorry Gillian but you'll get used to it. The Queen and the Princess are always at odds." I rolled my eyes, whenever Tara used the royalty thing it was to knock us down a peg and she succeeded, I felt like an ass.

"I didn't think it was a good idea to tell you everything. You were on the edge of this and I didn't want you roped in. Mom didn't respect that and told you everything. Therefore I am pissed the fuck off at her."I returned my glare to Mom who just shook her head.

"She needs to know." With those four words the conversation was ended and not a moment too soon. Espy started wailing from her bassinet so Tara got up and cuddled her while Gillian grabbed the diaper bag and went into the kitchen. It was a practiced routine that I was never a part of.

As I watched Gillian come back with the bottle and hand it off to Tara like a baton I felt all the resentment and anger I was bottling up inside rise in my gut. These other women were taking care of _my _baby and I couldn't do anything because my arm was jacked up. My mother was treating another woman more like a daughter than she'd ever treated me and I was forced to stay here "protected". I couldn't take it anymore so I got up from the couch, much faster than I should have and before anyone could stop me I was out the door. I couldn't be there, couldn't watch as everyone else took pieces of my life away from me.

I walked away but didn't go far, there was only one place I wanted to go and luckily it was just out the door. I tried the door to Dad's workshop and found it locked, a peek into the mortar under the window produced the key and I unlocked it and went inside, breathing in the smell of cedar and miscellaneous wood chips. Dad hadn't done his carpentry in a couple of years due to his hands and it showed, but his military training made him incapable of letting the space fall into disrepair. It was as clean and tidy as ever, except for the few months of neglect which left a fine layer of dust on everything.

I locked the door behind me and made my way to the rocking chair in the corner. Before I sat I saw one of my Dad's workshirts hanging from a hook and took it down. As I put it on I caught some of Dad's smell and wrapped it around myself. I found myself needing Dad more than ever. He was always the buffer between me and Mom, she'd be critical and he'd offer me a way to vent and work out shit. I was a Daddy's girl through and through and I missed my Dad's hugs and the smell of his stogies. I even missed the way he'd tease me for marrying the "village idiot", mostly because I knew he accepted Juice as a son and the teasing was just another way to show how much he loved me. That was the thought that made the tears come and I cried myself sick in that rocking chair.

I blew my nose on the sleeve of the shirt and looked up when I heard movement outside. Mom must have told them to give me space and time, but now they were getting nervous. I couldn't bring myself to get up because if I went back nothing would be changed. I still couldn't take care of my baby the way I wanted to, my Mom would still be my Mom and I'd be stuck in that damn house. I tried to pull my knees up to my chest but I was too sore so I leaned my head back and rested. I was so tired, physically and just plain tired of it all. I knew I needed to get back to my baby but for now I needed to work through my own shit.

I started to doze when I heard the sound of bikes pulling up. Good, at least one thing was going to be fixed. A few minutes later there was a knock at the door.

"Milla, are you ok in there? Everyone's worried about you sweetheart. Espy won't stop crying, she wants Mommy." I heard Koz clear as day but I couldn't force myself to move. "I'm coming in whether you want it or not."

There was a clinking and rustling from the door and I saw it twist before it opened and Koz stepped inside. His eyes were angry before they softened and he crossed the room. I looked around him and saw Gillian standing with Chantal by the door.

"I'm sorry." I whispered and lowered my head but he put his fingertips under my chin and lifted my head. As he looked in my eyes I rose up and wrapped an arm around his waist as he folded me into a hug.

"It's not easy is it sweetheart? The world took a crap on you and you have to be strong. Don't feel bad about breaking down, we just wish you wouldn'tve run off." He kissed the top of my head and I cried some more.

"I couldn't do it anymore, couldn't watch my life divvied up and passed around. I feel so fucking helpless Koz. The arm, my heart, everything…I just want to go back to how things were, before I was shot, before they went in. I'm so fucking pathetic." He pulled me tighter and just held me while I cried it out.

"Feel better?" I nodded, I genuinely did feel better. "Good, now you're going to listen to me. You aren't pathetic, you're scared, hurt and have more responsibility than you've ever had in your life. I'm amazed you aren't in a padded cell after all the shit that's happened to you. Yes, you need people to help you, yes you don't have control but that doesn't mean that you're pathetic. Come inside, we've figured out what to do with the Russians."

I looked up and nodded as he shifted me around and nudged me forward. I kept my head down as I walked out and Chantal placed an arm around my shoulders and led me into the house. I looked sheepishly at Mom and she sat me down in the arm chair while Tara put a still crying Espy in my arms. I brought her head up and kissed it.

"Mommy's so sorry baby, she'll never leave you again." She gurgled and stopped crying, I felt like the biggest tool in the world.

"Are you feeling better?" Lyla asked as she ran a hand through my hair and perched on the chair.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry." She nodded and continued running her fingers through my hair while Opie and Chibs stood by the fireplace.

"Alright, now that everyone's here and the kids are in the den we can let you know what's up." Opie said and Chib's nodded before he picked up where Opie looked off.

"We're meeting with Putlova next week. He's willing to negotiate terms if we make a down payment. We're handling it but he agreed that his men would leave our women alone, the mothers at least. He doesn't want to leave any orphans. So Chantal, Gillian and a couple of our others need to have some form of protection. Phil'l stay with Chantal but we have a bit of a problem with Gillian, Koz's in charge of Milla's safety that means we need to find someone else to take care of her." Chibs said as I looked around the room.

"He said he'll leave the mother's alone right? Well Koz can help with Gillian, make his presence known. I'll just stay home since Phil's gonna be there." Koz and Opie nodded, they liked the plan.

"Why do I need protection? I'm not like Chantal or Lyla." Gillian asked and the guy's looked between themselves so I answered as best I could.

"You're a friend to the club and really important to us, that pretty much paints a target on your back." Rather than looking horrified she nodded and remained quiet. Mom whispered something to her and I looked suspicious at their little interaction.

"Now that that's taken care of we've made plans for the night. Milla and Chantal will be going home with Phil and Chick guarding the place. Koz will be patrolling Gillian's place. Tara and Abel will be staying with Opie and Lyla, just for the night and Gemma, well; we thought we'd ask what you want to do." Mom nodded, knowing they'd have to defer to her during the interim.

"I'll have Tara and Milla here with my grandbabies. Chantal can stay too, there are less windows here, less of a chance of a drive by. It would also make a statement that the women stick together." Chibs and Opie looked between us while I nodded, it made sense.

"I need my breast pump and medicine bag. I didn't think I'd be here all night." Mom looked triumphant and Tara looked annoyed.

"Don't I have a say?" She asked and I shook my head before I made sure she looked at me.

"No, this is for the best. I need to know you're safe." She looked into my eyes and nodded.

Once she agreed it was decided. Koz escorted Gillian home while Phil took Chantal back to the house and she packed a bag for us. Opie took Tara to pack a bag and soon enough everyone was situated.

I was resting in the guest bedroom with Esperanza in the bassinet right next to the bed. Mom had dismissed my nurse for the night and had taken it upon herself to be the nurse. I was unable to sleep, still embarrassed by my breakdown earlier and my attention was drawn to the door which opened a bit. I wasn't the least bit surprised to see my Mom poke her head in.

"I knew you weren't asleep." Mom said as she came in and sat on the bed with me.

"I know I fucked up Mom, you don't need to give me the speech. You're ashamed of my behavior." I sighed and looked in the bassinet, no matter what I adored that little girl.

"Don't go puttin' words in my mouth. I'm actually surprised you didn't break sooner. You're strong baby, really strong but you're too stubborn for your own good. You need to let us help you, I know you want to be Espy's world but you can't so deal with it." She looked into the bassinet with me and her face softened.

"What no berating me for being a subpar Old lady?" I asked, wanting to get it over with.

"Nothing subpar about you baby. You're loyal to your man, you live, breathe and bleed the club and you gave your man a beautiful baby girl. Nope, nothin' subpar about that. Just don't bottle that shit up anymore. Talk to Tara, to Gillian, even me if you want to don't let it come to a head again. Once you learn to do that everything will be fine." She moved her hand over and caressed my hair. "I love you baby, don't doubt that."

With that parting remark she got off the bed and went out the door while I wiped tears from my eyes. I had to be strong but not let everything fester like I did. All I could do was try.

* * *

I sat at the table waiting for them to bring in Juice. It had been a couple of days since my breakdown and I needed a one on one with my man. Ever since everything had went down with the Russians and my breakdown I felt a need for my man more than ever. I was drumming my fingers on the table when I heard the locks on the doors disengage and a guard brought Juice in. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders as I saw him. He gave me a small smile and sat at the table while the guard propped himself against the wall.

"Hey baby." He greeted while I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. It was so good to see him.

"Hey." I didn't say anything else.

"I heard about the Russians. Is Chantal ok? Are you ok?" He asked as he searched my face, no one in the world understood me like he did so I knew he saw me wrestling with my emotions.

"Chantal's fine, Phil's with her every moment. He even goes to work with her. I'm staying with Mom for a couple of days but Koz is making sure the house is ok. Your daughter is perfect." He smiled at that, I had Lowen bring him pictures of her and I knew he kept them with him as much as he could.

"Of course she's perfect. You didn't tell me if you were ok. I'm guessin the answer is no, you look like you're ready to fall apart." Like I said no one understood me like he did.

"I just feel like I'm not in control of my life anymore. I have to have people with me all the time to take care of me. I can't do simple things for my daughter and I don't have you. I need you." I said quietly and his smile turned sad.

"I need you too baby. Yeah you have to let other people take care of you now but that's not a bad thing. You've been taking care of me for years, taking care of the club. It's about time people return the favor. I know you're a control freak baby but you need to let that go. That's the best thing you can do for yourself, for Espy…for me." The manipulative bastard, he knew I'd do everything in my power to make him happy.

"I'm not a control freak, I just want things done a certain way and no one can do that but me." He chuckled and I had to laugh. I needed him and he needed me.

"You are a control freak baby and I love that. Takes a lot of pressure off me. You feelin' better?" He was flexing his fingers. He wanted to touch me as much as I wanted to touch him.

"Yeah, a lot better. I needed you to get my head straight." I adjusted my sling and he nodded.

"It's why I'm here. Who's with you?" Now that the big stuff had been worked out he could think about the mundane stuff.

"Opie, he doesn't trust the Russians so he insisted that he go with me while I "run errands". I like having him around." He smiled at that, he knew Opie was my big brother, even if it wasn't in blood.

"Where's Koz?" He had made Koz swear he'd be my bodyguard so he had to ask.

"He's hanging out at the hospital today; apparently he fucked up with Gillian and felt the need to provide full bodyguarding services. I don't know what he did, but if Gillian's mood this morning was nay indication, it was big." He chuckled and gave me that smile.

"You should have her with during the next family visit; I'd like to meet her. According to Bobby, Koz has it bad. I'd like to see the woman good enough to get him offa pussy patrol." His eyes sparkled in a smile and I felt my eyes respond.

"You saw her; she was working on me during the c-section." I reminded him but he shook his head.

"No baby, my eyes were on you the whole time. All I saw was my beautiful wife bringing our baby into the world." I smiled wider.

"I love you baby, more than anything, except our daughter." Our visit would be over soon and I hated it.

"I love you too baby, be sure you let Espy know Daddy loves her too." I nodded, wanting nothing more than to kiss him. "I know what your thinkin' baby and I want that too. Fucking Federal Prisons."

"Yeah, I'd give anything for a conjugal visit. Dr. Bremmer says the pacemaker fixed the majority of my heart problems so I'll be fine for sex once I heal from the other surgeries. Once you get out I'll be able to rock your world baby." I smirked and he groaned.

"You are evil woman, but that's why I love you. Never doubt that, no mstter how bad shit gets out there I want you to know that I'll never stop loving you." I nodded and felt my eyes mist up.

"Time's up!" The guard shouted and Juice kissed his fingers and placed them on the table, as soon as he moved his hand I kissed my fingers and placed them in the same spot. Since we couldn't kiss or even touch each other we had to be creative.

With one last "I love you" he was led out and I was escorted into the waiting area where I retrieved my shoes and purse. Once I had everything I walked out and greeted Opie.

"Get what you needed?" He asked as he opened the door for me.

"Yeah, he was just what I needed." I said as I settled in the seat. He got in and helped me buckle up.

"Good, there are a lot of people that would be lost without you." That was the last thing he said before we pulled out. I'd had my breakdown and worked through it. Now I had to work on letting people help me and handing over the reins once in a while. It was going to be hard but nothing in this life is ever easy.

* * *

**Author's Note:** So sorry for the delay. I was having some really intense personal problems for the last month and they were blocking this story for me. Over the last week they have subsided and I figured out what I wanted to do, needed to do. I'd like to thank my readers and I hope I can get a couple of reviews because as self-serving as it sounds, when people show their interest it does aid in my writing. It also makes me feel appreciated and for a long time the lack of reviews made me feel like I wasn't. Anyway, as above a special thanks to Superdani, Dutch '76 and Belle for reminding me that people do still read my stuff.


	6. Chapter 6

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters, with the exception of Gillian, belong to me. Gillian belongs to the wonderful and amazing Superdani, who is helping to feed my muse lately. I really appreciate all you do sweetheart.**

**Chapter Six**

"Knock, knock. " I said cheerfully as I walked into the office at TM, my banning from the premises was over and there was nothing I wanted to do more than to see Lyla.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing here?" Lyla asked as she got up from behind the desk and gave me a hug.

"It's been a few days…I missed you." She gave me a smile but simply stood with me, not offering me a place to sit or anything…something was up. "What's going on Lyla?"

I got my answer a few seconds later when a familiar and unwelcome head of blonde hair entered the office from the garage.

"I don't see why I have to use the back entrance Lyla…I mean it's not li-"The words died in Ima's throat when she caught my glare and I moved away from Lyla. Suddenly so angry there were spots in my vision.

"What the fuck is that _whore_ doing here Lyla? Didn't we make it clear that that thing isn't welcome in Sons territory?" My voice was colder than it had ever been with Lyla, seeing Ima brought back feelings of betrayal and disgust so intense that I could barely remain upright.

"Milla, she's my frien-" I put up my good hand and cut her off.

"No she's not; she's a selfish, arrogant, haughty little bitch who gets off on fucking with others. She's hurt me, hurt this club and hurt Tara. She's not worth the air she's breathing." I spit the last out and Ima's eyes were wide.

"I'm so-" Lyla came up to me and I made sure I kept her at arm's length.

"You have a choice here Lyla, a very simple one. Ima or the club, there really is no other option. My Dad and Jax both made the call that she's not welcome. Just by having her set foot here you've broken club trust. I fucking _know_ Opie told you she wasn't welcome." Ima seemed to find herself again and drew herself up, but her response wasn't what I was expecting.

"She knew, she tried to tell me to back off but I came anyway. This isn't on Lyla. I needed help and…I had no one else, she's the only one I could trust, the only one who would actually help me. I'm sorry for all that other shit, really, I know now that your brother only wanted me for a quick fuck. I'll never be an Old Lady or anything to the club, I really do get it. Just please, let Lyla help me." She pleaded and I felt my eyes go flat. I believed parts but Ima could be a talented little actress when she wanted to be.

"What's your problem?" I was one hundred percent positive that I wouldn't let Lyla help her but I was curious about her reasons. She wasn't stupid and knew she was risking a lot of wrath by coming here.

"I tried to go out on my own, do the solo star thing. Wanted something like House of Jameson." I snorted; she sure as hell was no Jenna Jameson. "I started working with this computer guy, setting up my apartment with cameras and shit. I just found out that he's filming me all the time and broadcasting it on his site. I'm not getting a fucking penny and I signed papers that gave him the right to do it. I wanted Lyla to come over and help me get the camera's out of my fucking walls."

"No, she's not going with you. Opie wouldn't want his fiancée on some voyeur's private website. As for your problem, it's what you get for signing a contract without having a lawyer go over it. Lyla, go in the rolodex and look in the T's. Find Tomol, Roland." Lyla did as she was told and took the card out of the ancient rolodex that Mom just couldn't seem to part with. As she handed it to me I looked at Ima, not sure why I was even offering her this much help.

"This is the number of one of our associates. He's not a lawyer but he knows several who are affordable. Just copy his number into your phone, we need the card." Ima nodded and took the card before she furiously started typing the number in, then she handed it to Lyla who was still looking a little scared.

"Thank you, thank you so much. I just didn't know what to do. Why are you helping me?" She asked and I gave her a considering look.

"You and I have history Ima and not all of it's bad." She smiled but I shook my head to let her know that that wasn't the right response. "Also I'm considering this your payoff. You _never_ come here again or I will make sure you get taken out to the foothills…nothing good ever happens there to people who piss off the club. Finally I'm doing it so that you don't press charges."

"Charges?" She asked and Lyla's eyes went wide while I smirked.

"Chantal came with me…she told you what she was going to do to you the next time she saw you. Didn't she sugar?" I asked when the door opened and I could feel Chantal's presence.

"You! What the fuck are you doing here?" Chantal asked as she saw Ima, then it was on. Ima went out the back and Chantal was on her heels. Lyla and I went out in the parking lot in time to see Chantal tackle Ima and straddle her while she started raining punches. No sissy slap fights with Chantal.

"Chanty…I'm sorry…please…" Ima pleaded and I saw some blood trickling out of her mouth. The pleading made Chantal stop punching but she grabbed Ima's hair in both hands and held her head to the ground.

"I told you to leave my family the fuck alone. Didn't I Ima? Now I see you on our turf, with Milla and Lyla, two of the three I _specifically _told you to stay away from. There is no excuse good enough for you to be here…none. You betrayed everyone when you went to Georgie, could have gotten Milla killed, then you worked for Darby…then you hurt Tara. No excuses can trump that shit. I will let you walk out of here today, but the next time I see you around _my _fucking family, you'll be leaving in a body bag." She said the last so coldly and so finally that I felt a shiver go down my spine and in that moment I mourned the fact that she'd never be an Old Lady…she was made for this shit.

"I'm sorry…" Ima sobbed and Chantal crawled off of her. Suddenly Phil appeared and I looked around, shocked to see the guys formed in a semi-circle around us, watching the show. Phil helped her up and walked her back toward us. Ima pushed herself up and put a hand to her face, she winced when she touched her nose and her jaw. Chantal had done some damage.

"Just go Ima." I commanded and she scrambled up and ran across the lot to where she had parked inconspicuously with the repo cars…smart move. She peeled out of the lot and Lyla stood, looking very apologetic.

"What was she doing here?" I almost jumped when Chibs spoke and Lyla hung her head.

"She needed help, wouldn't take no for an answer." Opie sighed before he walked over and threw an arm around Lyla.

"We get it baby, no harm." I nodded; all my initial anger was gone. I knew Lyla would choose us, we were her family now.

"We should go inside, Chucky gets nervous around Esperanza and Neeta's not in a good mood. Everyone nodded and I moved over to Chantal and put my arm around her waist. "No one hurts your fucking family, huh?"

"Got that right." She smiled and kissed the top of my head as we walked into the clubhouse.

* * *

"When's the new Physical Therapist showing up!" I shouted to Chantal who was in the living room while I managed to change Espy's diaper one handed.

"Any minute now. The bitch is late." Chantal grumbled as she walked into the room with a fresh bottle, she'd be keeping Espy occupied while I had my appointment.

"She's new, cut her some slack. What's her name by the way?" I asked as I finished with the diaper. Chantal came over to me and put Espy in her onesy and the little outfit for the day.

"Carmen Ortega." As soon as she said the name I dropped the bottle of baby powder I was holding before I scrambled to pick it up before she noticed. I was too late and she raised an eyebrow. "You know her?"

"You could say that." I said breathlessly while the doorbell rang. There was no one in the house but me and Chantal so that meant it was up to me to answer the door since Chantal was balancing Espy in her arms with the bottle. With a deep breath I walked out into the living room and crossed the floor. I hadn't seen Carmen in almost four years and I wasn't prepared. With another deep breath I opened the door and looked into that all too familiar face…I was right…I wasn't prepared.

"Milla?" She asked and her eyes widened as she looked me over and I felt my heart clench the way it always used to with her. She was still as beautiful as she always was. A perfect blend of Shakira and Olivia Wilde. She was tall, curvy, bright green-blue eyes and a wicked smile… Damn, it suddenly got hot in here.

"Hi, Carmen." I moved out of the way and she took it for the invitation it was.

"I read Millicent Ortiz and never imagined that it was you. Ortiz?" She asked and I was drawn in by the way her eyes sparkled. She looked around and I cursed myself. There was baby paraphernalia everywhere and Koz had had a pity party last night and I didn't have time to clean up his mess.

"Yeah, almost a year." I pointed to my finger with my ever present engagement ring and wedding band.

"He's a lucky bastard…" She let it drift before she cleaned off a section of couch and grinned as she picked up one of Espy's reaper onsies. "Yours?"

"My baby's in her nursery right now with a friend. Keeping her in there so they don't interrupt the session." She sat and motioned for me to sit next to her. I couldn't seem to take my eyes off her

"Married with a baby, I never thought I'd see this. Shot on the other hand…not surprised." She tried to joke but there was a strain in her voice. She'd just inadvertently brought up one of the big reasons our relationship ended.

"Yeah…anyway why don't we go over the exercises?" I finally took the seat next to her and she looked confused for a minute.

"Exercises? Oh right. Well, since this is our first session I thought we'd just go over what your doctor wants then do some of the simpler exercises." I nodded and listened as she went over the exercises and I signed her paperwork. During our brief talk I couldn't help but notice that our hands kept on brushing each other and I shamefully admit to giggling and blushing when she complimented me. As Carmen was helping me out of my sling Chantal came out carrying a very unhappy Esperanza. I couldn't help but notice that Chantal didn't look too happy either.

"What's wrong?" I asked and Carmen moved away while Chantal put Espy in my arms. I started to rock her but when that didn't work I realized the issue. "Can someone help me prop her, she's got a burp stuck."

Chantal made a move toward us but Carmen got there faster and she helped me prop up Espy. I rubbed circles and did little taps on her back and soon there was a little burp and she settled down. I kissed the top of her head and Chantal came back to get her.

"Sorry, I burped her and she let out a little one." I nodded, Espy was the queen of the fakeout.

"No problem, Chantal this is Carmen Ortega, Carmen this is my friend and godsend Chantal Tao. She's living here with me." Carmen nodded and they shook hands.

"When do I meet Mr. Ortiz?" Carmen asked and I could see a bit of hardness in her eyes. Another reason we didn't work was that Carmen wanted forever and I was too scared. I was scared of what my family thought, scared of violence against us but more importantly scared of the concept of forever. Juice was the one who blew that fear to smithereens.

"Not for a while." I didn't elaborate and she didn't push. Good, she was professional.

"Ok, you can stay in the room Ms. Tao. I'm simply going to help Milla remove the sling, then try some height exercise to see how far she can move her arm." Chantal nodded and sat in the armchair while Carmen slowly and carefully undid the sling. I watched as her fingers moved over the straps and gently slid them away. I had always loved her hands. A light cough from the direction of the arm chair distracted me and I looked up to see Chantal giving me a disapproving look. I gave myself a mental shake and before I did anything else embarrassing I decided to concentrate on the matters at hand.

She had me do multiple arm lifts and my arm was throbbing by the time I was done. She saw my pain and had me stop. I was grateful. She helped me put my sling back on and took my hand in hers. She stared at the rings and moved her eyes to mine, I saw a flurry of emotion there but it ended with acceptance.

"It was really good to see you Milla. Lord knows I've missed you." She let go of my hand took a deep breath and stood. "Looks like I'm done for the day. I'll file this paperwork then we'll be set for the twice weekly sessions."

"Good, thank you Carmen. I'll walk you to the door." She smiled and I stood. My hand brushed hers on the way out and without any conscious thought I hooked my pinky with hers…just like the old days. She grinned and opened the door for herself before she stepped out.

"Goodbye Milla, I'll see you Thursday." She let go of my pinky and quickly squeezed my hand.

"Thursday." I said quietly and she leaned in to kiss my cheek. I didn't do anything else and she just walked down the steps. I sighed and leaned on the jamb. I'd forgotten how nice her ass was.

"What the fuck Milla?" Chantal asked after I turned around and she'd placed Espy in her bassinet,

"What?" I asked and shut the door behind me, being sure to lock and deadbolt it.

"You and _Carmen_! You two were practically all over each other." She accused and I hung my head.

"Carmen's my ex. She's the last person I dated before Juice." Chantal's eyes were wide as saucers. "We've been over for years."

"You've been with a woman before…Does Juice know?" She asked as she sat down heavily on the chair.

"I wasn't with her, with her. We dated and it ended before things got too intimate. Well physically intimate, before Juice came along I thought I'd lost the love of my life. I'm sorry I never told you, only a few people know, Juice does…you know how this is treated in my world, our world." I pleaded and she looked at me sadly.

"Ok, that explains a lot. I just wish you would have told me." She sighed and gave me a considering look. "So, if I would have met you before Juice would we have? Could we have?"

"Chantal, you're beautiful, brilliant, kind and tenacious but I've never felt that way about you. I'm so sorry. I do love you." She smiled.

"I love you too; now let's go get you some lunch. Neeta left some roast chicken and garlic potatoes. To die for." I laughed and walked to Chantal. She placed an arm around my waist and led me into the kitchen. She was still upset but she was going to let it go for now.

* * *

"They'll be fine, it's just a negotiation. No weapons, no heavies, just the guys in Putlova's restaurant. Stop pacing and tell me about _Carmen_." Mom commanded snidely.

"What's to tell, she finally got her PT certification and is working in St. Thomas and I'm her first client here. Not a big thing." I shrugged and Mom scoffed.

"Chantal seems to think it's a big thing. The girl called me all upset. She seems to think you'll be taking advantage of the prison clause." I looked up, shocked by Mom's accusation. I was loyal, not just to the club but to my man, my love.

"How can you fucking say that Mom? Juice and Esperanza are my life. Yes Carmen is as sultry and beautiful as ever but I'm a married woman. I love my husband." I slammed down the glass I was drinking and Mom nodded before she inhaled some of her joint. I was pissed that she was smoking in my house but we had negotiated things when they had expanded her house arrest radius. Now she could move in a four and a half block radius. She was already going back to TM. Good behavior and history as a productive and active citizen could pull a lot of weight with the review board.

"Keep that in mind darlin'. I know you miss the moron but don't let that cloud your judgment." I felt like crying, I did miss my husband, more than anything but not enough to rekindle some long spent flame.

"Whatever. Do you know what's up with Gillian? All I know is that Koz did something unpardonable and she doesn't feel safe around us anymore. I miss her." I said sadly and Mom got a thoughtful look.

"Can't tell you. Gilly trusts me with her secret." I gaped at Mom, angry and upset by her admission.

"Fine, you won't share, I'm going into the living room with my daughter." I got up and walked into the living room, smiling at Gerard, my new day nurse. He was gay as the day is long and absolutely wonderful.

"Hey Milla, I just fed Espy. She'll be down for a while. I think now would be the time to check your chest bandages." I nodded, he was right. I sat on the chair and took off my sling while he took out the gauze and sterile tape. I was healing wonderfully but until it was completely healed I needed my bandages changed twice a week. Usually Gillian did it but lately she'd been finding reasons to stay as far away from us as possible. I didn't understand and Koz was confused all the time. He had no idea what he did, but he knew was that it was bad. Now he was walking around like a zombie and focused completely on club stuff. So focused that he'd been sleeping in the clubhouse and we had Chick and Phil watching over us. With Gerard's help my shirt was unbuttoned and my camisole was up toward my throat. He removed the old bandages and was cleaning the crud off my last stitches when the door opened.

"Whoa, whoa now! Didn't ever wanna see that." Opie covered his eyes with his hand while the other guys followed suit.

"If you guys will just wait a few minutes I'll have this done." Gerard said as he applied salve to the still healing portion of the incision and applied new gauze. "At least I wasn't working on the C-Section bandages…Ooh that reminds me. Gillian asked me if I wanted a double shift so I'll be working with you tonight. I'll change your bandages after I help you in the tub." At the mention of Gillian's name Koz groaned and I had to look over. He had schooled his face into a hard mask; he wasn't going to give anything away.

"You sure you're queer boy? You sound a little too interested in dealing with our girl's bits." Chibs asked and Gerard helped me get back into my shirt and sling.

"Yes sir, I'm sure I'm _gay_. No need to go to Mr. Ortiz." I chuckled and moved into a more comfortable position on the couch. "Well now that that's handled I'll move Espy into the nursery and let you guys talk."

Gerard got up to walk to the bassinet and Opie stopped him.

"No, you're going to the gas station two blocks down and you're going to pick up some stuff. Don't care what. Just don't head back for say…forty-five minutes." Opie took out a fifty and put it in Gerard's hand. Gerard grew up in Charming, he knew the drill. He nodded to me and Ma, who had wandered in when the bikes pulled up, and went out the door.

"He out of the way?" Ope asked a few seconds later and Chibs nodded before they shut and deadbolted the door.

"Alright now that it's clear. We'll let you know what's going on with the Russians." Koz said in a no-nonsense voice that made me completely uneasy. "First of all you're safe, all the women are safe. No need for increased protection detail anymore. I'll be coming back home."

I just stared at him, wishing I could take away whatever he did and set things right again. Chibs came and sat on one of the armchairs while Ma sat on the arm of the couch next to me and started playing with my hair. I was either going to have to chop it off again or find a new way to style it. Too many people used my hair like some ritual fetish object.

"You're safe but we had to agree to some things we're not proud of." Mom nodded and Chibs continued. "We'll be givin' the Russians any and all bonuses we get from the Irish. We get to keep runnin' the guns but all we get to keep is enough to keep it runnin' and some overhead. We owe them the two million plus interest."

I hissed and I could feel tension in Mom, but we both stared at them and willed them to continue.

"We'll still be makin' a tidy profit, just not as good as it was. We also have to do protection runs for them in the less-than-nice neighborhoods. Help them keep up appearances and- "Chibs sighed. "We agreed to let them pimp their girls out in Charming. They won't touch our women if we let them do that. We know this goes against what the Club stands for but it as the lesser of two evils. Koz's meetin' with Clay tomorrow to give him the rundown but this is happenin'."

"We also have to take care of a little problem Putlova has with one of his brothers. If we do it it'll shave off a good two hundred grand from the payback. We just need Tara and…Gillian's help to get it done." I looked at Koz and at the mention of her name he visibly flinched but straightened himself out again.

"Ok, thank you for telling us. We'll let Chantal and Gillian know the women are safe. You need us to do anything?" Mom was ever the queen and all three guys shook their heads.

"We just need you to keep doin' what you're doin'. If you see or hear anything suspicious you know the drill." Chibs answered and I nodded with Mom.

"Thank you, for looking out for us." Chibs smiled and got up. He moved until he was by the couch and sat down next to me. I smiled as he put his arm across my shoulders.

"We'd die for you lovey, kill for you too." He kissed the top of my head and I nodded. I knew they would.

* * *

I woke up the next morning and moved around the house. Koz had drunk himself into a stupor the night before so I cleaned up his mess and made sure that I put on a fresh pot of coffee and ordered breakfast from Stumpy's that was going to be delivered. Why did I do this?

Simple, I had a plan. I had asked Gerard to call Gillian and tell her I needed her in the morning. She agreed, so I was going to sit her down with Koz and have them hash it out. They were good for each other and no matter what he'd done I was sure it wasn't something unforgiveable. I was in the middle of setting my table when there was a knock at the door. I was glad that I'd put the "please knock" sign on the door. I wasn't expecting the breakfast this early but I could always warm it in the oven. I grabbed some money from my purse and went to the door. When I opened it I almost dropped the money. There was Carmen, shit it was Thursday.

"Hey Milla, ready for the next session?" She grinned and I sighed before I looked around her and saw Gillian coming up the walk. Fuck, nothing was going as planned.

"Go in and sit on the couch Carmen, I have to talk to Gillian." She looked around and got a look of distaste on that pretty face.

"Nurse Icy, I'll go in and wait. Don't keep me long cutie." She flirted and moved around me as I looked at Gillian and saw the same look of distaste on her face.

"What's she doing here Milla?" Gillian asked as she balanced her bag on her shoulder.

"She's my new physical therapist. Come in Gillian, I've missed you." I moved out of the way and she entered the house, giving a suspicious look to Carmen. I didn't know what happened between the two but there was no love lost.

"Umm, Gerard said you'd need me this morning but if she's here…" She looked around like a deer in headlights. She had to have seen Koz's bike outside and she was nervous.

"Well I was hoping you'd watch Esperanza while we go through my exercises. Then maybe you'd help rearrange the diaper bag. We're going to see her Daddy in a couple of days and I need to separate the stuff from the regular diaper bag to the clear bag." She nodded, she understood.

"Ok, no problem. Do me a favor though, watch yourself around her, don't ask me why but I don't trust her around you." God, she sounded just like Mom and Chantal but I nodded anyway. She gave me a stern look before she moved around me and went down the hall to the nursery, not even bothering to acknowledge Carmen on the couch.

"What did I do?" Carmen asked and I shrugged.

"Never mind. Can we skip the big exercises? I have stuff to do this morning." I asked and Carmen smiled so wide those damn green-blue eyes sparkled brightly.

"Didn't you notice? I arrived two hours early; I thought we'd have a chance to catch up." I sighed and was saved from answering when there was another knock at the door. I looked out the window and saw the delivery boy for Stumpy's, here not a moment too soon. I went out on the small porch and made the transaction. I was happy to see that I could actually balance the box. The happiness changed to frustration when I almost dropped it. Carmen saw my distress and grabbed the box before we moved into the kitchen and she helped divide the food. As we were putting the finishing touches on the plates I heard the distinctive sound of boots on the stairs. Good, Koz was up. He walked through the door, looking better than he should have after his night of drinking but he stopped in his tracks when he saw Carmen.

"Hello Carmen, I thought you agreed to leave Milla alone?" Koz was definitely in a mood.

"Hello to you to Mr. Kozik." She finished scooping out the hashbrowns and stood. "Well the breakfast is ready."

I had filled her in on who it was for and she agreed to help. I gave her a nod and had Koz sit down before I went in the nursery where Gillian was reading a magazine. Once I got in the door I leaned on the jamb.

"Hey Gillian, can you help me in the kitchen for a few minutes. I want some oatmeal when Carmen leaves and need some help." Gillian put down the magazine and moved past me without a word. I followed closely behind in order to block her path and almost ran into her when she saw Koz and stopped in her tracks. Gillian stood still and I saw that Koz had risen to his feet.

"Did you do this?" She asked him coldly as she gestured to the food. I had never heard her talking like this. "Did you drag Milla into your _plans?"_

"No Gillian, I swear, I just sat down and Carmen told me the food was for me and Milla." When he said my name he glared at me and I felt horrible. This was not my intention at all. Gillian turned her cold eyes to me.

"What the hell is all this Milla? What were you trying to accomplish. I told you I didn't want him in my life anymore!" She yelled and I shrunk in on myself.

"I'm sorry; I didn't want to upset either of you. You're so good together I wanted you to hash it out over breakfast. I don't know what he did but I'm sure you two could work it out. I'm so sorry if I hurt you." Gillian's face turned colder, if it was possible, and it was that cold rage which was worse than anger.

"You had no right to force this on me, none. Just because this is inconveniencing you, you feel that you have the right to manipulate people and treat people any way you want. I thought you were my friend Milla, but maybe you're too selfish and spoiled to be anyone's friend." She rushed past me and went to the nursery. Barely any time had passed before she darted down the hall and ran through the door. I could hear her crying.

I looked at Koz and he was looking at me with disgust, a look I never thought I'd ever see on Koz's face. He picked up his plate and threw it against the wall and as it shattered he turned to me.

"How could you do this Milla? You made everything fucking worse! I can't even look at you right now!" He stomped to the stairs before he turned around. "I'm getting my stuff and moving to the clubhouse. I'll send someone else over, someone you won't try to screw over."

He was down the stairs and I stood motionless as Carmen came over and pulled me into her arms. She held me as I cried and kept me from chasing after Koz when he stomped out the door. I clutched her and was almost distracted by the same citrus scent she always wore. I managed to stop crying and moved away from her. I went to the destroyed plate and started to clean up when Carmen knelt down and helped me. I picked up an egg and didn't realize there was some porcelain underneath it and sliced my finger. As I lifted it to inspect the damage, Carmen took my hand in hers and brought my finger to her lips and kissed it before she brought it between her lips. I was fascinated by the sight and forced myself to look away. Unfortunately, I looked into her eyes and saw her staring at me.

Without even thinking I started to move toward her and she took my finger from her mouth and moved toward me to. Before my mouth made contact with hers Espy started screaming and I moved quickly away. Without Carmen's help I got up and practically ran to the nursery. Once inside I moved down the railing to the crib and with a mixture of determination and luck I managed to balance Espy in the crook of my right arm and I sat on the rocking chair. Gillian had left a bottle that was already warm and ready for Espy by the chair so I sat and fed my little girl while I tried to make sense of everything that had just happened.

I had just potentially destroyed relationships with two people I cared about, one that I considered a brother and loved as such. I'd let an ex that I was still attracted to into my life without thinking about the consequences. I'd also almost kissed that ex. Why was I actively sabotaging my life? I thought of Carmen again and tried not to; I was still replaying the almost-kiss in my head and wanted it to stop. I looked around the room and saw the picture that was taken after I started to develop my bump. Juice was holding me with his hand splayed protectively over my stomach. In that moment we were a family and there was love shining in both of our eyes. Then it hit me. I need to hug and kiss and touch my husband. Once I could do that I'd be able to look past this insane lust. That cemented the idea in my mind. I needed to talk to Lowen about full contact visits, not these partials where we were allowed to be in a room without glass but couldn't touch. I needed my man.

With that decision made I finished feeding my baby and had to call in Carmen to help me burp her. She came in and I motioned that I didn't feel like talking. She nodded in understanding and helped me with Espy before she left, knowing that physical therapy was the last thing on my mind. I called Lyla and she came over to help with Espy until Neeta came for the afternoon shift. I told Lyla everything and she held me while I cried before she had me look at her.

"You may be a little selfish and you may be spoiled but you're loyal and you have the biggest heart ever. Gillian'll come around and so will Koz, just have faith sweetie. Too many of us love you to let them treat you like anything other than our princess. Come on, you rest on the couch and I'll play with Esperanza until Neeta gets here." I took her advice and lay down on the couch. I was suddenly too tired to move and fell asleep. Maybe things would be better when I woke up but I wouldn't have bet on it.

* * *

**Author's Note: **If any of you are confused by things that are going on just message me and if you aren't already reading **Superdani's **story _The Nurse and the Son_ do so. A lot of the things that happen in this story are in direct reference to events in her story. We're working collaboratively on our respective stories. As always thank you for reading and reviewing.


	7. Chapter 7

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters, with the exception of Gillian, belong to me. Gillian belongs to the wonderful and amazing Superdani. I really appreciate all you do sweetheart. Original storylines are also my own**

**Chapter Seven**

"So, physical therapy? I thought you were going to be a brain surgeon." I raised an eyebrow at Carmen and she shook her head.

"I was but during my first year at Mayo I met this old woman, she couldn't even get out of her chair by herself, her muscles were atrophied and she was just a mess. I worked with her everyday and eventually she started to get strength back. I realized that that was my calling. So rather than going for neuro surgery I decided to go into physical therapy and I haven't looked back since. I'm just glad I chose Orthopedics otherwise I wouldn't have the chance to work with you." She grinned and I frowned. Ever since the near-kiss in the kitchen she'd been flirtier than usual and very insistent on being alone with me. Chantal didn't trust her and made sure someone was with us the whole time. Today it was Mom.

"If Milla didn't need an Orthopedic therapist would you still have come to St. Thomas? I heard you only moved here a month ago." Mom stared at her steadily and I tensed up as Carmen rubbed slow, firm circles along the back of my neck. It felt good but Juice was the one with the magic touch.

"I was always planning on moving to a small community, I didn't think it would be Charming though. It was made painfully clear that I wasn't welcome." She gave Mom a sharp look and Mom just calmly stared at her.

"Would you still be here if her husband was around? The way tongues wag in this town I know you know the story." Mom was in rare form.

"I don't care what you believe Mrs. Teller-Morrow; I'm here for the job. Yes I know about Mr. Ortiz, Mr. Morrow and the others but that doesn't mean anything. I'm here for the job." She lifted my arm until it started shaking then settled it down again. "Or do you think I have enough foresight to start a career in Orthopedic physical therapy on the off chance that the only person I've ever loved will have trauma. That's giving me a bit too much credit."

"Ummm, maybe we should cut this session short?" I suggested and realization dawned in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Milla, I really am a professional. I shouldn't have risen to the bait like that. Alright, we finished with your height exercises, now let's move onto rotation. According to your records the surgical wounds are healed on your arm and your collarbone is in the final stages. Next week we'll be able to add rotation to the exercise list. Are you doing your exercises before bed?" She poised her pens to take some notes.

"Yes, I usually have my night nurse help but she recently had to quit so I've had Chantal and Phil help me out." As soon as I said the names she made a face.

"That's not good; you should have someone with training. I'll find you a new nurse, you need as much help as you can get." She made a note and I felt Mom tense.

"She has the help she needs. Chantal is more than qualified to help her with exercises." I felt a smile tug my lips. She'd kept Chantal at more than arms length, treated her as something other, something different. Now she was defending her like she'd defend any member of our extended family.

"Well just consider getting a new nurse. I'll get you a few numbers." She then proceeded to press my still sore collarbone and had me extend my arm in front. I placed my hand on her shoulder and pushed forward. She had me do that for ten reps then I was done, my arm and chest were aching.

"I can't do this anymore, sorry." I apologized and Carmen shook her head.

"No need to apologize, you're actually doing much better than your injuries would suggest." Carmen smiled at me and I felt my heart flutter a bit. Damn I needed my husband.

"I'm too stubborn to let this stop me." Mom snorted and continued to watch us with overly attentive eyes.

"Not stubborn…determined." Carmen's eyes hooded slightly and I felt myself blush before I shook my head and looked away. I looked over at Mom and saw her glaring openly at Carmen while she helped me with my sling and moved away. "I should be going, lot's of paperwork."

She stood but before I could get up too Mom stopped me with a hand to my shoulder and walked her out. She closed the door behind them and though I couldn't hear the words they said the tone was far from friendly. The sound of feet stomping off drew my attention to the door as Mom came back in with a triumphant look on her face. I raised an eyebrow and grabbed a magazine from my coffee table. Even with Juice inside I still got his _Tech World News, Wired, Popular Mechanics_ and _Game Informer_. He went through them like they were nothing every month and I was collecting them. Yeah he had access to a couple of them in the prison library but it was one little thing I did that helped me feel closer to him. I also read them on occasion which was what I was doing now.

"We're gonna find you a new PT baby, I don't want that skank working with you. She's already caused enough trouble." She sat in the chair she'd recently vacated and I shook my head.

"She's good at what she does Ma, I'm getting strength back in my arm. Last week I could only do three push reps, now I can do ten. I'd say that's a marked improvement. Yeah we have a history, but it's over. She just needs to get used to it." I found an interesting looking article in _Wired_ about the new IPhone apps and decided to read that and ignore my mother's aggravatingly wise counsel. Unfortunately she would not be ignored.

"She wants you baby, we all see it. Maybe your head will be right after you see Juice this week but for now just sit back and let me take care of things. I'll have Tara find us a good replacement." I squared my shoulders and continued to stare at the magazine, not really reading just looking at the words.

We sat there, her willing to talk but me unwilling to listen until Chantal came home from work. Once she arrived she helped Mom fix dinner while Phil helped me with Esperanza in the living room. He had certainly taken his job as Uncle Phil seriously, so seriously in fact that he was the only one Ellie didn't watch like a hawk. I thought about everything with Carmen while Phil helped me change Espy's outfit. I knew logically that Mom was right, it was an awful idea to have her here, around me, but with all the upheaval that had been going on in my life recently it was comforting to have someone around who had been a steady presence in my life, even if it was in the past. It also felt great to have someone in my life that treated me like "Milla" not an Old Lady or one of SAMCRO's women. In a way it reminded me of how Juice treated me when it was just me and him. When we were alone I was his Milla and he was just my Juice. I sighed and smoothed the shining black hair on Espy's head. At least with her I was Mommy and that was all I needed to be.

* * *

"What do you want for your birthday Elliedoll?" I asked as I tried to keep a relaxed hold on the grocery cart. One of the things suggested in my physical therapy workbook was to go without the sling for at least an hour a day and today I decided to do it while I went grocery shopping with Ellie and Lyla. I'd been sequestered in my house for over a week and other than a couple trips to TM and Ma's I'd been restricted. Things would have been different if I would have had a Son available to take me but with increased gun and protection runs and Koz's abandonment I was left with minimal to no protection and since my house was pretty innocuous it was decided that it was the best spot for me. Now I was free to go out in public, I had Lyla and Ellie for companionship and Miles for protection I was good.

"Season One of _Suite Life of Zach and Cody_ on DVD or _Wizards of Waverly Place_. I'm not picky." I smiled indulgently and Lyla leaned over to whisper in my ear.

"Get her the wizard show, Chantal already picked her up _Suite Life_." I nodded and finally found a comfortable position for my arm.

"Would you guys mind if I got some groceries too. Mom has been having the prospects fill my pantry with stuff she likes and thinks I should eat. Koz isn't there to feed my junk food habit." I felt my throat constrict painfully. He hadn't talked to me in over a week and the two times I saw him he had urgent things to do in the garage. I missed him. Lyla saw my face and stopped the cart to take me in a hug. As I rested my head on her shoulder Ellie shouted and rushed down the aisle.

"Gillian!" I moved out of the hug and Lyla watched with me as Gillian caught Ellie and gave her a quick squeeze.

"Hi Gillian." Lyla said with a smile while I was firmly rooted in place. This was a new situation for me. Usually my plans went off with little to no collateral damage or at least damage to me. Gillian had been avoiding me as much as Koz had. Without her I had a huge empty spot in my nursing rotation but more than that I'd lost a friend. What bothered me most was that there wasn't any maliciousness on my part. I simply wanted everything to work out between her and Koz, I didn't mean to hurt her. She looked at Lyla and made a pointed effort not to look at me. I was never one to shy away from confrontation but this one had me at a loss.

"Hi Lyla, shopping I see. Are those candles?" Gillian asked and Ellie beamed.

"Yep, I turn nine next week. You have to come to my party. It's at my house and everyone will be there. Ooohh Uncle Koz can bring you. He hasn't been around lately but he promised me a ride on his bike. You can go after me though." Despite everything I was feeling I had to smile, Ellie wasn't a stupid kid, she knew there was tension between Gillian and Koz but she was playing dumb. She knew there were very few people that could resist her when she went all cute and peppy.

"We'll see what happens with my schedule. Listen I have to pick up some stuff for my dinner tonight. How about I take you, Piper and Kenny out for ice cream later this week? How does that sound?" Gillian knelt down to Ellie's level and Ellie nodded.

"Gillian you don't have to do that. We have ice cream at home, you can stop by. No problem, right Ellie?" Lyla asked and Ellie nodded.

"I'll call later this week to find a time. I really should be going. Bye Ellie, Lyla…Milla." She said the last quickly and moved around us as fast as she could without looking rude. Ellie cocked her head and took me in before she walked over and gave me a hug.

"Don't worry Auntie Milla she's just upset about something. She'll get over it and you'll be friends again. Don't forget that you still have me." She looked up and I leaned down to kiss her head.

"I'll never forget that I have you." She smiled and unwound her arms from around me and took my hand as we went down the aisle. Yeah, I'd never forget that I had her.

* * *

I stood just outside the bay doors watching Koz as he bent over the open hood of some car in the garage. I was sick of not knowing where I stood with him. He'd been part of my life ever since he prospected for the club. I was there when he got his patch, I was there when he became a Man of Mayhem, He was the first Son I'd ever visited in prison and he was the first one I told when I broke the taboo and started dating a woman. He'd held me when I cried over Alex and had held my hand when I got my first tattoo. We had too much history to let one tiny misunderstanding unravel us. I needed him and I knew that in some way shape or form he needed me too.

"You gonna stand there all day?" I jumped when Koz stood and slammed the hood closed.

"We need to talk." I stood straight and was happy when my voice came out strong and firm.

"Yeah we do…Thought you would have showed up sooner." He wiped his hands on a rag and just stood staring at me.

"Can we go to the picnic tables? I don't feel like hashing it out here." I asked and he nodded before he moved past me and led the way. He sat down in one of the tables farther away from the clubhouse and waited for me. I found a way onto the bench and sat, suddenly more nervous than I'd been in a while. The last thing I wanted to do was screw this up.

"How are you doin? Ope says you've been going without the sling a bit. Is Espy ok?" He placed his hands in front of him and I just looked at him. He looked slightly better than before but still awful.

"I'm doing better, Dr. Bremmer says the heart's great and Carmen's helping me quite a bit with the arm. I still have a long way to go but I'm doing better. Esperanza's wonderful; she's almost completely healed from the surgery. Dr. Nior says she's as stubborn as I am." The corners of his mouth turned up a little and he nodded.

"Any problems with the house?" So this was how it was going to be, a Q&A session. Not if I could help it.

"Everything's fine with everything except us. I'm sorry Koz." I took a deep breath and Koz gave a curt nod.

"Yeah, I know you are. Why'd you do that kiddo?" Koz tapped his hand on the table and I blew out the breath I'd just taken.

"I didn't want to hurt anyone, I just wanted you two to work out whatever this is keeping you apart. You're good together. I promise you that I only meant to help you." I looked down and heard Koz swear.

"Fuck! I know kiddo, I fucking knew the next day. Don't you see where I was coming from?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Not really, I just wanted to help. I don't see why it was so bad. Maybe if I knew what you did I'd understand the reaction I got." I silently pleaded with him and he ran a hand through his hair before he ran it over his face.

"I fucked up, I got drunk and treated Gillian like a croweater. I didn't mean to be so fucking stupid. Then that little get together you planned made everything worse. I was so fucking angry with myself that I took it out on you and yeah I'm annoyed by your meddling but I should have expected it." He gave me a once over. "I should have come back."

"Yeah you should have, or you should have at least given me a chance to explain myself. I really didn't mean to fuck shit up for you Koz, the breakfast was supposed to be an opportunity for the two of you to work out your shit. Damn I'm a broken record. This is my last statement on the issue. I'm sorry and I love you." I stood up and walked into the clubhouse where Opie was waiting to drive me home. If Koz forgave me I'd be seeing him later. If not I'd just have to find a way to live with it. There were plenty of Sons and Old Ladies who couldn't stand me and I dealt with them. I met Opie's eyes and he nodded before he walked out with me. By the time we got back outside Koz was gone and I sighed. I'd know soon if our talk had any effect.

A few hours later I was home and on the phone with Lowen. They were going to have to change the parameters of our visits for the next few weeks. There was a small scuffle in the yard between our guys and the Aryans, Juice got some of the worst of it and had to get some stitches from the infirmary. When she told me I couldn't breathe but she assured me he was going to be ok. Unfortunately since they were actively participating in the fight they had to have some of their privileges suspended, including contact visits and family visits. I could still see him every week but it would be behind glass. I felt tears in my eyes but kept myself in check as Lowen filled me in. Before we hung up a bike pulled into the driveway and I mentally cursed whoever arrived. The last person I wanted to see was a Son. I had Neeta with me and she was all I needed. I hung up with Lowen when the door unlocked and Koz walked in with his bedroll under his arm and duffle slung across his back.

"Basement still good?" He asked and I nodded. As he passed me he ruffled my hair. "I love you kiddo."

"Love you too." I watched him walk through the kitchen and heard his boots walking heavily down the stairs and smiled. He was back and hopefully it was to stay.

* * *

I looked into my husband's bruised and battered face and had to look away. It seemed like every few months someone was beating the shit out f him and prison had upped that frequency to every few weeks. He picked up his phone and tapped on the glass. With a deep breath I picked up my phone. I was in that rare stage of frustration where I couldn't decide whether to scream or cry.

"Hey gorgeous." He gave me a facsimile of his goofy grin. What set this one apart was the fact that it didn't reach his eyes.

"What the fuck happened?" The frustration had found an outlet and that outlet was anger. His grin disappeared and he was left with that cool, still look that all Sons get when they want to shut you out. He'd never shut me out before.

"We took care of it, that's all you need to know." He spoke in quick clipped tones and it just made me angrier.

"No, I need to know why you can't see or hold your daughter, why you can't hold me. Damn it Juice, we were going to get full-contact visits. We would have been able to touch again and now this! What happened?" He face hardened further before it took on the softness he reserved for me.

"We still have enemies baby and they made their presence known. That's all I'm telling you. Fuck Milla you think I'm not pissed as fuck about this. When I heard I could touch you again it was like I got every Christmas present I'd ever wanted at once. Then we get jumped in the yard and now I can't see you outside of glass for at least a month. Lowen's working to get that reduced but I don't see that happening. Tig and Jax did some serious damage, enough to have them reconsidering our privileges in the short term and their long term privileges. I love you baby and I'd give my left nut to hold you again but…shit… things are getting tougher in here and I'd rather be alive than risk it all to touch you. I have five backs to watch in here other than my own baby, I have to think about them first. I wish you could understand that." He ran a hand over the growth where his Mohawk used to be and I felt tears slide down my face.

"You think I don't get it baby? I was raised with this shit. I know that your brothers come first and wouldn't upset that for anything. I just got my hopes up and I know it's selfish but I've been crushed over and over and over again. I think I have a right to be frustrated. You know what? Watch their backs, I want you all to come home. Even Tig." The last remark made him smile; a genuine one and he pressed a hand against the glass. I repeated the gesture as I balanced the phone between my ear and shoulder.

"I love you." He smiled wider and I smiled before I felt mine falter.

"I love you too baby. I need to tell you something and I don't know how to do it." His brow furrowed and I decided to press on. "I got a new PT Babe and proving that all deities hate me and that my world is smaller than most that PT is Carmen. My Carmen."

I didn't know what reaction I was expecting but it certainly wasn't Juice going eerily calm and still. He looked down for a second and set down the phone while he worked something out in his head. He nodded to himself and picked up the phone.

"I'm going to say this once baby. You will get another PT, you will cut off all contact with Carmen and as of now the prison clause means nothing when it comes to you, you're mine and only I'm allowed access to you. I don't know if this bitch talked herself into your panties yet and I don't wanna know but know this. If she touches you I will reconsider my thoughts on taking out women." I stared at him in shock. His voice was so cold, so serious and I knew without a doubt that he meant what he said.

"You don't trust me baby?" I asked and he shook his head.

"When it comes to her your head isn't on straight. I don't think for a second that you've done anything with her but there's the possibility. I doubt those rings on your finger or our child in the nursery matter to her. I was waiting for you to tell me. Koz told Clay about her and word came to me. I don't believe for a second that it was coincidence that brought her to you. Just do what I say baby, cut off all contact with that bitch." The last was pleading and I felt myself shaking my head.

"Nothing will happen baby, she's good at what she does, did you even notice that I'm not wearing a sling, she's _that _good baby." I pleaded with him too and his eyes were steely.

"You'll find someone better. Don't fight me on this baby. For the first time be an Old Lady, not the princess. Do what I tell you to do." I felt my stubborn petulance bubble up in my gut and fought it down. I didn't come here to fight with him.

"That goes both ways baby. I do what you say and you tell me shit. I don't hear you telling me shit." There was this little voice in my head telling me to let it go but for some reason that voice was being silenced by my stubborn streak.

"In case you didn't notice sweetheart I'm behind glass and you're just a step above an invalid. It's not like you can play the no info, no pussy card. You're on a need to know basis and right now you don't need to know but what you need to do is be my fucking Old Lady and listen to me. I don't want that bitch around you and around our daughter and I will be checking on you." He gave me a smirk and I felt my blood boil. He was bringing up shit to hurt me and while I was hurt I was angrier.

"You son of a bitch. I've always been your Old Lady. I can't believe you just said that shit to me…" I seethed and he gave an almost feral grin.

"Remember what I said baby. This conversation is over, come back when you've cooled down and actually had time to think shit through. I really do love you." He hung up his phone and motioned to the guard who took him away. I hung up the phone and sat still trying to figure out what just happened. One of the guards came over and escorted me out, they needed the window for another prisoner so I nodded dumbly and followed the guard out.

Once I got my purse and shoes I sat in the visitor's chair and waited for Koz and Tara to come out so that we could go. That meeting was an unmitigated disaster. I didn't know what I did wrong and now that it was over I wasn't that angry. Yes I still hated being ordered around but he was my Old Man and he had a logical request. He was the only one other than my mother who understood how much Carmen had meant to me. It was his right to lay claim to what was his but this was more than that. He hadn't just issued a command to me, he'd withheld information and those two things weren't like Juice. More had obviously gone down than I thought and it had colored our interaction, something had pissed him off or scared him enough that he felt the need to lay down the law with me. Unfortunately this meant that I couldn't listen to his command. Now I had to investigate. I nodded to myself and the plan was set.

Soon enough Tara and Koz came out and we were on our way to Mom's where the kids were. I had a need for both my Mother and my baby so this was perfect. I needed to hold my baby and talk to Mom about what had just gone down. If anyone would understand the webs that were being formed in my head as I dissected everything it was Mom and if anyone could shed light on the shit that went down it would be her. With that thought I turned my head and looked out the window as we continued our forty-five minute drive back to Charming. Plenty of time to work through the first layer of shit.


	8. Chapter 8

**I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters are my own with the exception of Gillian who belongs to the amazing Superdani. Be sure to read her story, "The Nurse and the Son". Also, all original storylines are my own.**

**Chapter Eight**

"I do appreciate you being here Lyla I really do. It's just that I have a feeling that you're here for more than a visit." I said to Lyla as we sat in my living room. It was Tuesday so that meant that Carmen would be coming in for the physical therapy.

"Well I'm obviously here to help with Espy. You've gotten suspicious Mills." That was all the confirmation I needed.

"What's your mission?" I sat back on the couch and folded my arms on my, still too big for my liking, belly.

"Mission? I'm just here for you and the baby. That's all I swear." Lyla was a really bad liar. Mom was going to have to work with her on that one.

"Lyla…what did Mom want you to do?" She was about to protest but with the raising of an eyebrow she looked at me, defeated.

"I'm supposed to make sure that you, and I'm quoting here. "Fire the dykey bitch and make sure she makes tracks." Gemma just wants your head on straight." I took a deep breath and looked at Lyla, she was just trying to be a good little soldier, one of Ma's minions. I couldn't fault her for that.

""If I don't?" I was genuinely curious. Mom was very inventive with her punishments.

"Then I'm supposed to call her and Tara and we'll have a powwow-" I gave her a look, sensitive to any First Nations talk, "Sorry, we'll have a discussion with Carmen. We don't want her hurting you or hurting the club."

"Have any of you considered that I'm a grown woman with my own thoughts, feelings and can actually make my own decisions. Fuck! First Juice lays down the law now I've got you working as Mom's proxy and even Tara's in on it. I don't know why you aren't trusting me." I sighed and rubbed my head. Damn, the headaches were coming back.

"It's not that we don't trust you it's that you aren't looking at the big picture here. She could end up hurting the club to get to you. Talk to Gemma, she made some very good points. She said you almost left once already because of her." Of course Mom would bring that stupid act of rebellion up.

"I also didn't go through with it. Not to mention that last time I didn't have a husband that I loved more than life itself and a daughter I'd gladly lay down my life for. If I didn't leave then why the fuck would I leave now. Besides, I don't think she'll do anything stupid. Carmen's selfish, a spoiled little rich girl who got handed everything in life, but even she has to know when the deck's stacked against her." I rubbed the bridge of my nose near where a good deal of the pain was pooling.

"Are you going to fire her?" Lyla asked apprehensively and I took a deep breath.

"I've started looking for a different PT. I can only ignore so much, but when Gillian breaks her self-imposed non-com to tell me she gets a bad vibe from Carmen I have to listen. Also, my man laid down the law and the last thing I want to do is disappoint him. I love him Lyla and if booting Carmen gets us on firm footing again I'll do it." She nodded and gave me her bright smile before she went in the kitchen and got me some grapefruit juice. I was feeling a little run down so Vitamin C was welcome. After she sat down with me again and we settled into watching a movie the doorbell rang and Lyla was up and ready to go. I watched her walk to the door with a strange feeling of dread in my stomach.

"Hello, my name is Aaron Marx from the California Department of Social Services." I was on high alert. Did someone call CPS about Espy? Was the ghost of Stahl back to haunt us?

"How may I help you Mr. Marx?" Lyla asked in a voice that was calm and collected and only because I knew her as well as I did I could hear a small note of fear.

"There have been reports concerning a physically challenged adult in this household. I'm simply here to check in on the adult. I do have a police escort if you require their presence." Shit, shit, double shit fuck. What the hell was someone from APS doing here I wasn't an old woman, I wasn't mentally handicapped and, despite my injuries, I wasn't physically handicapped. Whoever had filed the report was in for a world of fucking pain.

"I'm confused, there isn't anyone physically challenged living in this house." I could just imagine her pretty little face scrunched up in confusion. I got up to go to the door. Once there I nudged Lyla aside.

"She's right; no one here is physically handicapped. There's just me with an arm injury and an unreliable ticker." I pointed to my sling and Lyla gave me a grateful smile.

"Are you, Millicent Ortiz?" He asked and I nodded. Now it was his turn to look confused.

"This doesn't seem right. According to the report you require around the clock care for a heart ailment and are relegated to your bed. It also says that you are being neglected with emotional and verbal abuse from caregivers." He shuffled his papers and I just gave him a steady look.

"Do I look like I'm confined to a bed?" I asked and he went back to his papers. "Listen I appreciate you coming to check on me and I know you can't tell who filed the report but they were mistaken, I'm as healthy as can be expected and I do receive around the clock care. My day nurse will be clocking in in about fifteen minutes and in the interim I have Lyla to help me. Feel free to check out the house. I can guarantee that I'm fine."

"Just a brief look. Officer Ryan, please come in as an escort." I nodded to them as I opened the door. Lyla had cleaned a bit when she got there so the house didn't have its usual veneer of Koz-induced chaos. They looked over the house and Mr. Marx took notes while the officer remained a quiet shadow. There was fussing coming from the monitor on the coffee table and Lyla went in to look after Espy.

"You have a baby?" The officer asked and I saw a spark of interest.

"A baby girl, she's a little over a month old. I can't lift her with my arm and my caesarian. She's a big part of the reason I have around the clock care. I need help with my baby. We're never alone and never neglected." The officer whispered something to Mr. Marx who jotted down a note. Once I showed them my bedroom with the hospital bed and medical equipment they were satisfied.

"Well Mrs. Ortiz, I'll be contacting your doctor and checking on your care situation but from what I can see you and your child receive adequate care. I do apologize for the circumstances of our meeting." He held out a hand and I shook it. Just as he and Officer Ryan turned around a bike pulled up and parked next to the nondescript sedan. When Koz got off he looked suspiciously at Mr. Marx and the officer.

He stayed off to the side as Mr. Marx made his way down the steps he took out his file and looked from Koz to his file. Then he approached Koz.

"You wouldn't happen to be Ken Kozik would you?" He asked and my stomach dropped.

"Who wants to know?" He asked and lit up a cigarette in an act of defiance.

"I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions before I leave, just a formality?" He was amiable but Koz wasn't one to work with government stooges.

"Who's asking the questions?" Koz asked as he stared down Mr. Marx who was already shaking and Koz hadn't even turned on his badass button.

"I'm Aaron Marx from the California Department of Social Services." Koz quirked an eyebrow and continued to level him with that steady gaze.

"Milla go in the house. I'll take care of this." Koz commanded and I nodded hoping it didn't look like I was afraid of him. Lyla was in the living room with Espy in one arm and the phone against her ear.

"Yeah Gem, it was scary as hell. Milla worked her magic. They're outside; I think one of the guys pulled up. Ok Milla's here." She handed me the phone and I put it to my ear.

"Are you ok baby?" Mom asked and there was genuine concern in her voice.

"I'm fine but I was wondering if you could do something for me Ma." I asked and I heard her let out a breath.

"Anything baby." I smiled, I knew she meant it.

"Have Phil hack the database and find out who filed the fucking report. I have a theory and I hope that I'm wrong but I want the proof." I rubbed my head. She couldn't be that fucking stupid, could she?

"I'll get you that fucking proof. But you already know who did it baby, we all do." I sighed and went up to Lyla. I gave her a reassuring smile before I leaned down and kissed my baby.

"I just can't believe she'd be that stupid. I'm also worried Mom, the cop got interested when he found out about Espy. What if they call CPS?" I asked and Mom growled.

"Then we fight. These kids all have the best care anyone could ever provide and if anyone tries to take my grandbabies away they'll find out just how fierce a bitch I can be." Mom got vehement and I felt some of the pressure in my chest ease.

"I needed to hear that Mom. Come over later I think Abel would love to play with grr, grr." Mom laughed at the noises Abel made when he reached for his baby cousin.

"I'll bring Tara, we could have a girl's night." She offered and I felt a smile grace my lips.

"Sounds good, too bad Chantal's out of town, she'd love this. Love you Ma." I listened for her response.

"Love you too Darlin'." She hung up and I took a deep breath before I handed the phone to Lyla and sat down. She handed me Espy and holding my baby was just what I needed.

As I sat just staring at my baby Koz came through the door angrier than I'd ever seen him. He looked ready to slam the door but one glance in my direction and he changed his mind. He simply closed the door and walked to his customary seat on the La-Z-Boy and folded his hands as he took several deep breaths. Once he was calm he looked at me.

"The bastard insinuated that I abused you and Espy. He implied that you were scared of me. Someone fucking reported us." I shook my head and felt like crying. Yeah he and I had a rough patch, he raised his voice to me but that was only once and except for that time and only a handful of others he'd always been one of my Knights in Scuffed Leather.

"It was a false report, they'll see. I'm so sorry this happened, it was my fault for letting her in my life again." A tear fell and since my hands were full I couldn't catch it and it landed on Espy's blanket.

"Don't you fucking blame yourself. I knew that bitch would do something like this. Just sit tight, I'm gonna call church, see what we can do." Koz got up, kissed my forehead and was gone again. Why couldn't things work out for us, just once?

* * *

"God I miss cooking." I sighed as I watched Mom and Lyla working on the pizza while the kids sat around the table doing homework. Ellie was in a bad mood so we let her listen to her IPod while she did her homework. She was rocking out to Gaga while she went through her math problems. I smiled thinking about how she and I were so different in so many ways. She was shy and reserved unless she was with me or other members of her family; I was always the uber-confident one ready to take on the world if it slighted me. She wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother, who was also a heart surgeon. I had to thank Tara for giving her that ambition. Juice had to work his ass off to get me to say yes to his proposal and I was content being an assistant who wrote whenever I had the chance. Finally the girl was a math whiz, already doing sixth grade problems. I hated math with a passion, English and History were my subjects. Despite this she was my Elliedoll and we were as close as any two people could be. I watched as she got this confused look on her face then she popped out an earbud and tapped my hand.

"Auntie Milla, what does she mean by "if it's not rough it isn't fun"?" I started laughing before I could stop myself. I loved that song and had to admit that the line she quoted worked wonders on Juice. Tara looked at me in challenge while Ma and Lyla leaned against the counter and watched the show.

"Umm, you know how when you fight with Kenny you guys get really mean to each other. Isn't that the best way to fight him?" She smiled and nodded before she put the earbud back in and continued her homework while I took a deep breath.

"Good one." Tara whispered as she put a hand on my forearm.

The doorbell rang and I got up, I'd been restless all day and felt like I needed to move. I looked through the peephole and sighed, it was the last person I wanted to see…ever…

"Hey Milla, sorry I didn't come earlier. One of my other patients rescheduled. Ready for your session?" Carmen asked as I opened the door. I looked behind me before I went outside and talked to her.

"No, I'm not ready for my session or for anything else with you. I should have kicked you out the first day you showed up." I was pissed the fuck off. APS was called because of her false reporting.

"Come on Milla, look at the progress you've made. It's because of them isn't it? Because of that fucking gang that's controlled your life ever since you were a baby. You know what I was going to wait until you were better, but I can't. Come with me, we can be on our way to Morocco by tonight or Dubai. Anywhere you wanna go baby." She pleaded and I backed up against the wall. Her eyes were turning crazy.

"That "gang" you're talking about happens to be my family. My husband's a Son, my father, my brother, everyone I love is associated in some way. This is why we didn't work before. You don't understand the concept of family and if you think I'm leaving them for you you're insane." I had my cell in my pocket, ready to send out my emergency tree text with one button.

"I'm not insane, you just forgot how good we are together baby. We can leave right now, get in my car and go." She tried to grab my hand and I dodged.

"What about my daughter? Did you think about her? Even if I could be persuaded to leave my husband, which will never happen, I could never leave my baby behind." She looked down for a second and seemed to be considering things.

"We'll send for her, my Dad has the best lawyer's in the world and you've got a spotless record. It would be easy to get her back, I mean her Father's a convicted felon and her Grandparent's, god the charges that have been levied against them. Just come with me now." She demanded and I shook my head.

"No, never, I will never go with you. I can't believe that I defended you for weeks and tried to tell myself that you weren't the manipulative bitch they said you were. I was wrong. If you leave now things will be easier in the long run." She looked like she was going to cry, "Go now, everyone's inside."

"I'm not leaving without you Milla. We were good together, you're the only one I've ever loved." Then she moved faster than I could comprehend and pinned me to the wall. As her mouth descended onto mine, I pressed the button on my phone, hoping that one of them would answer the call. A few seconds later the door flew open and she was pulled off of me.

"Get the fuck off my daughter!" Mom shouted as she flung Carmen to the steps then proceeded to push her off backward. "I've held my tongue for weeks, because as much as I hated to admit it, you were helping her. Now you've crossed a line. Get the fuck out of our lives and the fuck out of Charming you dykey little whore."

Mom stood with the steps framing her as Carmen fumed from below.

"I'm going to press assault charges, you'll go to prison you old biker whore. Milla will see, in time she'll see. I'll be back Milla and you'll come with me." She made a dash to her car and I sagged in the porch swing. The bad feeling in my gut from earlier intensified and Mom came to the swing and pulled me into her arms.

"She won't do shit. She's just blowing smoke. You think I'd let some little tart get the best of me?" Mom asked and I pressed my face to her shoulder and shook my head a little. "Good, no one's going to break up my family, least of all her. Let's go in, I bet the kids are missing you."

I nodded and got up while Mom kept a firm grasp on my shoulder. Something in Carmen's bravado had spooked her and she was holding on with all her might. I patted her hand with my good one and felt her relax a bit. No, no one was going to break up our family.

* * *

"Come on Ope, leave at least one piece for me." I begged as he put the last piece of the Canadian bacon/bacon/pepperoni/onion/green pepper pizza on his plate. Our girls' night had turned into an impromptu SAMCRO family night and I was glad. I felt a need for my entire family to be together and we were as whole as we were going to be with the guys in prison.

"Here." He said as he cut the piece in half and put one of the halves on my plate. It was our favorite pizza, one of many things we had in common.

"Thanks." He smiled and finished his piece off in three bites while I nibbled on my piece.

Once I finished my piece I walked into the nursery where Esperanza was sleeping. Ever since this afternoon when Carmen begged me to leave I had to be close to Esperanza. The thought of losing, of leaving my baby was a nightmare. I caressed my angel's face and heard heavy boots in the hallway. I looked over and Opie was framed in the doorway.

"How is she?" He asked as he came over and stood by me. He looked into the crib and a small smile graced his lips.

"Perfect." He smiled wider and we watched her in silence.

"I heard about what happened. Did you know they came to the garage to investigate?" Opie asked and I sighed.

"I was afraid they would. What happened?" He reached over and put an arm across my shoulders.

"We were on our best behavior, kept Chucky in the storage room. I don't want you to worry Mills, but I also don't want you out of the loop." I looked into Opie's face then leaned my head against him.

"If you want to keep me in the loop, tell me what happened with the Aryans in prison." Ope nodded and pulled me tighter.

"One of them told Jax that you're Mom was a good lay, turns out he was one of Weston's men, picked up for drugs about two days after the rumble. Jax lost it and he went after him, pulled everyone else in. Tig pulled Jax off then bit the guy's nose clean off when he wouldn't shut up about Gemma. The rest of the guys were trying to keep an ambush from happening Juice and Hap were trying to keep Clay out of the thick of things. That's all there is to it. Juice didn't want you to worry. You'd think after all the years you two have been together that he'd realize you need to know." I smiled and moved away to look over the crib again.

"Thank you Ope, I really needed to know that." He nodded and we stood in silence. The silence was rudely interrupted by the doorbell ringing. I felt myself tense and Ope pulled me to him.

"Whatever it is it's ok." He said and he led me to the living room where Mom was opening the door.

"Can I help you?" She asked snidely and the woman at the door took out a clipboard.

"My name is Amanda Ramos, I'm from Child Protective Services. I'm here to investigate a report of possible abuse and improper medical care." I didn't hear anything else as the world went dark.

* * *

**Author's Note:** If I got anything wrong about procedure I apologize. I've had family members reported to CPS before when there was nothing wrong so I understand that fear. Thank you all for reading and reviewing.


	9. Chapter 9

**I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters are my own with the exception of Gillian who belongs to the amazing Superdani. Be sure to read her story, "The Nurse and the Son". Also, all original storylines are my own.**

**Chapter Nine**

I woke with a start and found myself on the couch with a painfully bad smell burning my nostrils. I looked around and saw Tara kneeling next to the couch with something in her hand and Ellie was running her fingers through my hair. Opie and Chibs were standing behind her with their arms crossed over their chests.

"It's alright Milla, you just fainted. I administered smelling salts and I'll continue to watch you for a few hours to see if there are any adverse effects." Tara gave me a concerned look and handed the, now identified, smelling salts to Kenny who ran to the trash in the corner. I sat up with Tara and Ellie's help and saw that my nightmare was real. A woman in a sensible blouse and skirt was talking quietly to Mom while a police officer looked on. The smile on his face showed that he was amused by something.

"She's awake." Tara announced and placed her hand on my forearm, offering her support in a show of solidarity.

"Thank god." Mom said and she turned to the woman from CPS. "This is why she's never alone. She and her daughter have the best care money can provide."

"Is this a common occurrence?" The woman asked and Tara answered.

"No, due to the stress of the day and your impromptu visit she had a spike in blood pressure. We'll be sure that she goes to the doctor tomorrow to have her medication adjusted but rest assured that every precaution has been taken." She was every inch the accomplished surgeon and the look on her face dared the woman to contradict her.

"You are?" The woman asked and Tara drew herself up taller.

"Dr. Tara Knowles, I'm a Pediatric Surgeon at St. Thomas and a close, personal friend to Mrs. Ortiz." She didn't need to volunteer that information but we all knew that it would go a long way in establishing credibility and halting an investigation. Also it would be better not to divulge her relationship. My older brother's babymama wasn't quite the right message we wanted to send out

"I see, thank you for your assessment Dr. Knowles. May I see the child?" My blood chilled in my veins I wanted to say no, to run but Tara squeezed my arm.

"I'll go get her. Lyla, sit with Milla." Tara commanded and Lyla did as she was told, such a good little soldier. Ellie sat on the arm of the couch and glared daggers at the woman. She was fiercely protective and this woman's mere presence rubbed her the wrong way.

A few seconds later Tara came out with Esperanza in her arms. I watched as she unwrapped the blanket from her and showed the woman that the baby was healthy and clean. She made notes on her clipboard and nodded to herself about something.

"Would you mind if I took a brief tour of the house?" She asked me but Mom answered.

"I'll show you around, Miss…" Mom was on her best behavior but she couldn't resist a little show of superiority.

"Ramos, I believe I introduced myself at the door." She answered with authority.

"Right…Follow me." Mom commanded and the officer gave me an encouraging smile before he followed behind. Tara held Espy and sat in the La-Z-Boy while the guys formed a solid wall of protection around us.

"I know the cop." Opie said quietly and I looked up quickly, "One of Unser's guys. He'll help."

Some of the weight on my chest disappeared and I felt that I could breathe a little better. I sat still and silent as Mom brought Ms. Ramos and the officer from the hallway which contained the nursery and my bedroom into the living room again. Ms. Ramos looked at everything with alert eyes and jotted down some things on her clipboard before she stopped short at the line of men blocking the kitchen. Mom gave an exasperated sigh and Chibs and Phil parted to give them room to move through. The officer nodded at Opie and gave me that same reassuring smile before he followed them. I tried to get up to follow but Lyla and Ellie both put hands on my shoulders. I sat back and watched Tara; she was glaring into the kitchen, offended by the very presence of CPS.

"Everything looks in order. The house is practically spotless; the baby is healthy and looks to be content. The log in the bedroom denoted an around the clock list of care personnel and the mother, even with medical problems of her own, is taking every precaution for the care of her child. I would still like to conduct some short interviews to tie up any loose ends and speak to her care providers. Due to the lateness of the hour I would like to conduct these interviews tomorrow. Would you be willing to offer your cooperation Mrs. Teller?" She asked and Mom nodded.

"Nothing to hide. These kids get the best care. I'll be here with my daughter tomorrow morning if you insist on this follow up." She'd probably be spending the night and I was grateful.

"Very well, I hope that you're feeling better Mrs. Ortiz. Is there any chance I could speak to your husband? I assume he's at work." Shit, I thought that Carmen would have been all over that in the report.

"He's not around; we can talk about that tomorrow." Mom was back to commanding.

"Alright, Officer Johnson we'll return in the morning." She turned and walked out the newly opened door while the officer stopped in the doorway. He gave a glance back before he spoke to us quietly,

"I'm gonna do what I can. No matter what the Sons do or don't do your kids are always taken care of. You guys are like Mama pitbulls. I'll do what I can, I have a feeling the report was malicious anyway." With that final vote of confidence he walked out and Mom shut the door and stood still for a second as she collected herself. When she turned around she was her old regal self again.

"Ok, I'm spending the night." Mom said and I nodded.

"Me too, I know how CPS can be. If they don't like a person or their lifestyle they can take things out of context and if I'm here they have to consider my relationship to you and my job." I looked at Tara, unbelievably touched by her offer.

"I'll be here, show her how the house runs and Chantal should be back tomorrow morning." Koz said in a voice that brooked no argument.

"We'll be around, on call if you need us." Opie said as Chibs nodded. Phil didn't have to say a word, he'd be watching from across the street. Mrs. Jenkins liked the "nice boy" who found her dog when it ran away so she was always willing to let him use her kitchen as a lookout spot.

"Thank you, I'm just so…god I don't know what to do." I'd been putting on a brave face since the smelling salts woke me up but now I just needed to break down so I did. I started crying and Lyla hugged me and pulled me close while Ellie wrapped her little arms around both of us.

"Don't worry baby, that's why you have us." Mom said and I looked at her while she swept her eyes over the room, our family.

* * *

The next morning I woke up at an ungodly hour, unable to shut off my mind and ultimately unable to get a good night's rest. Tara had come in to check on me and take a blood pressure reading and had tried to get me to take a mild sedative but I couldn't do that. What if they wanted me to submit a blood test? My mind was working so fast as scenario after scenario flitted across my tired and anxious brain. Eventually she forced me to drink a glass of warm milk and sat with me until I actually fell asleep. When I woke up she was gone so I quickly pulled on some sweats and a long loose t-shirt and went into Espy's room. She was sleeping soundly, my perfect little girl. I'd already come up with a plan. If they tried to take her away I'd shoot them all and head to Mexico then on to Germany to go to the Erbach Charter and beg asylum. Eventually Juice would join me. As these thoughts swirled around in my head the phone rang and spooked me so I went to the hall to get the cordless. The number on the ID was unfamiliar but I would rather answer and hang up than have the ring wake up Ma and Tara.

"This is a collect call from…Stockton Federal Penitentiary…would you like to accept the charges?" The automated voice asked and I accepted the charges knowing only one of six men would be the caller.

"Baby you there?" I heard Juice's voice and felt like crying. The last time we'd talked we'd fought and I didn't want that again.

"I'm here." I answered in a voice choked with emotion.

"What's wrong baby?" His voice was sharp and immediately I was reminded that this was my Old Man who knew me better than anyone else in the world and I had done him wrong. In the back of my mind I knew I deserved this hell.

"I should have listened to you baby, I should have been smart." I was full on crying now so hard that I barely heard his gentle coaxing voice.

"We only have half an hour baby, tell me why you're upset." Shit I forgot about the limit on his weekly call. They were only allowed one phone call a week and it had to be collect and was limited to half an hour. Usually he used it to call Lowen or Koz and get info that he didn't get when I visited.

"That stupid fucking bitch Carmen. She called APS, then she called CPS. I think the APS thing is over they conducted their interviews and found me fine but CPS should be here in a few hours. Shit, fuck baby what am I gonna do?" I needed him to hold me, to tell me we were going to be ok, I just needed him.

"First you're going to calm down baby. They aren't going to find a fucking thing. You're fine, Espy's fine and you have the best care possible. Second, and this is important baby, you're going to cooperate with everything, give them no reason to dig. I know you're scared and you lash out when you're scared but I need you to keep your head. Third, follow Gemma's lead; she knows how these investigations are done. CPS has been called on a lot of us in the past; it's a hazard of wearing the Reaper. Finally just be you. You're smart, charismatic and can wrap the hardest bastard around your pinky, just use that to your advantage. After Gemma goes all gruff and difficult they'll appreciate the sweetness you put out baby. I've seen you do it a million times. This is no different." I took several deep breaths and digested what he said. I could do it, I could do it all.

"I'm so sorry I brought this on our doorstep baby." I apologized and I heard him scoff.

"All you did was trust that stupid bitch. I hate to say this but you were just being you baby, you tend to think the best of people and forget that some people are just born bastards and this Carmen is one of them. Don't take this the wrong way baby but women are bitches, it's why you never should have been with a woman in the first place. Pussy should experiment with pussy but a relationship is taking things in a place it shouldn't go. That was your mistake now we deal with the fallout. I love you baby, love you more than is probably healthy and I know that you've learned from that mistake." How the conversation evolved to this I didn't know but I would listen to all that he had to say.

"Have you heard about the full contact visits?" I needed to hug him even if it was for a split second. I also needed to change the subject.

"It's gonna be a while baby. That's why I called. I needed to be sure we were ok and I needed you to know that it would be a while before things would go back to normal. Sounds like I had perfect timing. Once everything is worked out get a letter to Lowen, I wanna know the outcome." I rested my head against the back of the rocking chair and sighed.

"I'll make sure you know everything. I love you baby." I didn't think there was anything else to really say but he didn't have the same thoughts.

"Before I go I gotta make sure we're good baby. I know the last convo didn't go well and I wanna be sure you're still my baby. I also wanna make sure you're following my instructions." I smiled, as confident and strong as he was he needed me and he needed _us_ to be the strong unit we'd always been.

"We're good and obviously I'm cutting off everything with that bitch and as far as the prison clause goes that's always been null and void with me baby. You're it, the only one I've ever let in and will ever let in. That what you wanted to know?" I asked and rested in the chair, I was getting sleepy.

"Yeah, that's what I wanted to know. I love you baby, fucking worship you. The thought of that bitch touching you was a damn nightmare. Now I can breathe again. Our time's almost up baby. Give Espy a kiss for me and know that I love you both and I have faith that you'll get through this strong as ever." Again I could do everything he asked of me.

"I'll get through it as long as I know I have you. I love you." I spoke quietly into the phone. I'd heard some movement from upstairs and knew Mom was up. She'd been in the bed with Abel sleeping in his pack-n-play while Tara slept on the fold out in the living room so she could check on me.

"You always have me baby. The beeps have started on my end. Just remember be strong and be yourself and you'll get through this. I love you, both of my girls." He was cut off by the timer and I hung up on my end and buried my face in my hands. God why couldn't he be with me, I'd never needed him more.

* * *

"It's good to see you up and about Mrs. Ortiz. Are you feeling well? You gave us quite a scare yesterday." Ms. Ramos was being polite and professional and seemed to not have anything against us. That was a very good thing but I wouldn't fall for it.

"I'm feeling alright. A little nervous about everything. I love my daughter more than anything else in the world and you being here is a nightmare." Honesty was always the best policy.

"I'd actually be more concerned if you were calm about this Mrs. Ortiz." She actually gave me a sympathetic smile. "According to the report issued there's fear that your daughter isn't receiving appropriate medical care. However, we've talked to Ms. Neeta Tubbs who is a highly regarded caregiver in the community with over twenty years experience caring for children with special care needs, as well as adults. Also Gerard Perrier, again an excellent record in the field of Obstetric and Pediatric nursing. We haven't been able to get a hold of Gillian Smith but again her record is spotless and she has a very good reputation. The other nurses on the roster appear to have similar records. It appears to me that you do not let anyone near your daughter unless they have a spotless record. Not something an abusive and uncaring parent would do. Also, I've spoken to Dr. Knowles who has conducted several of Esperanza's post surgical checkups and even performed her surgery. According to her you and the nurses are following all instructions to the letter. Again this does not seem to fit the report. Do you have any questions?"

"Have you found anything that lends credence to the claims?" There, polite, I wasn't lashing out. Juice would be proud of me.

"I have looked into your husband's record as well as Ken Kozik's, since he is spending a great deal of time around your daughter. Both men have violent crimes on their records and that is of course a source for concern. I will be conducting an interview with an Elliot Oswald this afternoon to assess your husband's and Mr. Kozik's character. Once I have that on record I will be able to put it to rest. When I interviewed Mr. Kozik, well I can't divulge what was said or not said but I received the distinct impression that he would rather die than see harm come to you or your daughter." She made a note. "Your Mother, Mrs. Gemma Teller-Morrow, seems to think this report came from a spurned ex-partner. From the look on your face I'd say you have made the same assumption."

"Yes I have Ms. Ramos." I answered as calmly as I could, no need to lash out and she was being so reasonable.

"I feared as much when I observed your daughter's healthy appearance yesterday. Your injuries make it difficult to care for your daughter don't they?" There it was, I knew she was too reasonable.

"That's why I have around the clock care Ms. Ramos. The nurses help me with what I cannot do. Believe me, it is frustrating but I would never let my limitations and frustrations get in the way of my daughter's care." She nodded and made a note, damn I was calm and collected.

"That's what I've been hearing from everyone it seems to me like you should be receiving a Mother of the Year award not a report to CPS."She said the last quietly almost under her breath and I had to smile. "Well it appears as though our interview is complete. I will be speaking to a Ms. Lyla Page, and a Ms. Chantal Tau, also the character assessment from Mr. Oswald, once those interviews are completed and once we get a hold of Nurse Smith I'll be able to complete my investigation. Thank you for your time and I wish we could have met under other circumstances."

She reached out and shook my good hand before she packed up her files and went out the front. Once she was outside Mom and Tara came into the kitchen. Tara immediately put her fingers to my wrist and checked my pulse while Mom sat down across from me.

"Well?" She asked and I took a deep breath.

"She only has a couple more interviews to conduct, then we should be in the clear. Elliot's going to provide a character assessment of Juice and Koz." Tara let go of my wrist and lifted my head to look into my eyes. When she was nervous she slipped into doctor mode.

"You did real good baby, she didn't seem like a normal government bitch. Chantal and Lyla will do good and I know Gillian won't do anything to hurt you or Espy. I think we're going to come out of this intact and if she reports again they'll probably dismiss it with a quick trip and a check on the clipboard. I'm so proud of you baby, holding your own and keeping it together." I smiled, already glowing from Mom's praise; it was enough to keep me from going insane.

"Now we just have to take care of Carmen." I added and got a nod from both Mom and Tara, we had shit to figure out.

* * *

"I'll be in the car if you need me babe." Chantal said as I got out of the car and went up Gillian's walkway. I must have passed this house a million times growing up but I never noticed it, it was a mystery spot full of history and secrets, much like the woman residing within its walls. I almost went back to the car but steeled my resolve. I'd gotten a call from Gerard telling me that Ms. Ramos had tracked Gillian down at the hospital and that the interview was done. He'd asked her about it and she'd been as tight-lipped as usual but I know she did right by us, it was the kind of person she was. Now I needed her to be that kind of person again. Even if she didn't want to be she was widely regarded as a SAMCRO woman and we women had shit to take care of. With a deep breath I pressed her doorbell, got no indication that it was working so I knocked. I waited about three minutes and just as I was going to turn and head back down the walkway the door opened a crack.

"What are you doing here Milla?" Gillian asked and I ran my hand through my hair. Shit I was starting to fetishize it too.

"I need you to come to the clubhouse tomorrow evening at seven. Don't ask questions, you'll be told everything when you get there. I know you and I have issues but please put them aside. This is for me, for Espy and for the Club's future. If you don't come I'll know you're done with us and done with me. I'll make sure no Sons ever darken your doorstep again." Shit it hurt to get that out.

"I'll be there." She said it quickly and simply and shut the door. Ok it was much easier than expected. I turned around and walked to the car, as I got closer I gave Chantal a thumbs up and she grinned.

* * *

By the time six thirty rolled around all of SAMCRO's top women were gathered around two tables that had been put together in the clubhouse. Mom and Tara each took an end with Mom at the head. I sat at her right with Chantal at my side and Lyla sat with Gillian on her left. Phil, Ellie and Neeta had the kids in Jax's apartment so they wouldn't hear anything. We had some planning to do. The guys had a protection run for the Russians so we didn't have to worry about their interference in our planning either.

"I say you just let me shoot the bitch. She's not going to give up." Mom said as she took a drag of her cigarette and got nods from Chantal and Lyla. Lyla of course agreeing to whatever Mom said and Chantal just wanting Carmen dead.

"No, she's got too many connections and her Father's too important, she'd be missed. We need more constructive ideas, more _legal _ideas." I looked pointedly at Tara who seemed to be lost in thought.

"I have an official complaint and harassment charge already typed up I just need a notary and Milla's signature. Gillian also has a similar complaint about improper conduct and harassment. Margaret is also concerned by some of the things she's been hearing about Carmen and seeing around the hospital. We can ruin her career before it even begins but that won't be enough to get her gone." This got a chorus of nods from the table.

"Maybe we can intimidate her, use the guys. I know Opie's a good guy but he can be scary and maybe they can do something." Gillian suggested and I shook my head.

"No, this problem was caused by a bitch and it's the bitches who are going to deal with it. I'm only bringing the guys in if things get too hot to handle but I trust you all to do what's right here, to do what we need to for the Club because it's not just me she's trying to hurt here. I doubt she'd stop with Esperanza. Do you want her to call about Abel, or Ellie and Kenny or even Piper? No we need to stop this before it spirals out of control and we're all on the radar. I also promised my man I'd take care of things and I need you all to help me do that." Chantal and Lyla gave me a smile while Mom seemed to be considering everything. Chantal suddenly spoke up from my side.

"Does anyone have any dirt on her, maybe blackmail her." I shook my head.

"Blackmail won't work, she doesn't give a damn what anyone thinks of her." I said as I contemplated it while Mom stubbed out her cigarette.

"I told you nothing good would come of this shit when you started with her but you refused to listen. Look at what's happening to Milla Chanty, this is what happens when you go after other bitches. Find yourself a man before this shit happens to you." God, now was not the time for the old arguments.

"Not that easy Gemma but thanks for the advice. What's she scared of?" Chantal asked and I wracked my brain.

"Well when we were together she was claustrophobic, you don't get over that shit and she was terrified of being buried alive…" Suddenly realization dawned and we all looked at each other before we began talking at once.

"Shut up!" Mom shouted before she gave that evil lupine smile she was so good at. "I think we know what we're doing with this bitch. It's time to hammer out the details."

* * *

**Author's Note:** This plot line won't leave me alone so I wrote this up. I did a lot of research and apparently CPS conducts interviews and looks over files and if everything seems fine with no evidence of abuse they tend to leave people alone. It's only if they spot something that doesn't seem right that they'll pursue it. I was worried about it seeming too clean but then I had research to back me up but I have a feeling that we haven't seen the last of Ms. Ramos. She was actually fun to write. Thank you to all my readers and reviewers you inspire me to keep this story and others going. I really appreciate all your support.


	10. Chapter 10

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters, with the exception of Gillian, belong to me. Gillian belongs to the super amazing Superdani. She really is super **

**Chapter Ten**

"Mr. Oswald will see you now." The new assistant smiled sweetly at me and I nodded back, not the least bit pleased with my replacement.

"Thank you." I said politely and made my way into the office. As soon as I made it through the door Elliot stood up and came to greet me. With a quick kiss to the cheek he led me to the chair.

"It's so good to see you Milla, you look a million times better than the last time. How are you feeling and how is your daughter?" I smiled at the genuine concern in his voice. So man "important" people don't care for their employees but Elliot treated us like family.

"Other than CPS being called in we're doing wonderfully." He nodded and the smile on his face faltered. "Thank you for helping with that. It means so much. Ms. Ramos said you were very complimentary of Juice and Koz in particular but the group as a whole."

"I was just honest. I don't know Mr. Kozik well but Carlos was always very respectful and a genuinely decent man. The way he looked at you was enough to know that he'd do anything to keep you safe. I simply told Ms. Ramos that there was no one in the world that could take better care of your child than you and that appearances could be deceiving." I knit my eyebrows and he laughed before he continued. "I mean I told her that the Club may look dangerous and scary but the people who are part of it would die and kill for the children. I told her that Esperanza's in great hands."

"Thank you so much Elliot." My smile widened and he gave me a grin.

"Like I said, I was honest. I also told her about all that you've done for Tris, how I could never begin to repay you for that. Now, the CPS visit can't be the only reason you showed up. Let me know what you need." One of my favorite things about Elliot was the fact that he was perceptive and got to the point.

"You're always so perceptive Elliot...Ok, I need use of one of your back lots on Sunday. I was thinking the parcel of land you have near the orange orchard. The one with the barren land." I'd spent two days working through this with Mom and the girls. We knew what we needed.

"Why do you need the land?" He asked and I smiled softly.

"We're just taking care of some business Elliot. I can't tell you the details because I want you to have deniability." He got a concerned look.

"This SAMCRO?" He asked and I shook my head then thought better of it. SAMCRO was involved just not to the extent he implied.

"In a larger sense but in a more immediate sense it's for me and my family." He got this look in his eyes, he understood.

"This has something to do with CPS." It wasn't a question but I nodded anyway.

"None of this will blowback on you. We've worked out every detail and gone through all possible contingencies. All we need from you is use of the land and the use of a backhoe." I smiled at him and he took a deep breath.

"How long would you need the land?" He asked as he took a pen and pad out and started jotting something down.

"Just for a few hours on Sunday. We plan on getting this out of the way as soon as possible, so it'll go down in the early morning. Please Elliot, I know that you've already done so much for us, I just need to do this." He gave me a soft look.

"Do you have someone who could run the backhoe? I'd be willing to send one of my guys over." Yes! He was going to help.

"We have that worked out. I just thought it would be less suspicious to have Oswald equipment on land you own." He nodded before he wrote down something else on the sheet of paper.

"There will be a backhoe waiting for you on Sunday morning; I'll have them drop it off Saturday night. When you're done with whatever you're doing have the driver drive it to the utility shed on the opposite side of the orchard. I'll say I was doing some speculative digging. Never know where a vein of something will pop up." He stood and I rose with him. As I tiptoed to kiss his cheek he squeezed me and held me close. "I'd do anything for you Milla, just ask."

My brow furrowed at his tone but I chose to ignore it. I'd gotten what I came here for. Now onto step two.

* * *

"I can't believe you talked me into this." Chantal grumbled as I helped her straighten her shirt out so that her tits literally _popped_ the first couple of buttons.

"You're just the bait, Tina agreed to be the actual payoff, remember." I pleaded with my eyes and she simply sighed before she walked with me to the crematorium.

"God, just being here creeps me out." I tilted my head as I considered what she said.

"I dunno, the thought of bodies being burned to the point where they're ash is oddly comforting to me. We're all the same in the end kind of thing. I'll use that shit when we talk to Skeeter. You just bring the girls and get the doors for me." She nodded as we walked to the building but she hesitated at the doors.

"Just knock if you're nervous, remember that I'll do the talking." She went down the steps and knocked on the doors before she rushed back up as fast as her stiletto clad feet could make it and joined me. A few seconds later the doors opened and a husky man in an ash covered apron looked skeptically at us.

"I'm sorry ladies but all the bodies have been taken care of, talk to the mortician if you wanted a last look at a loved one." He didn't seem nearly as creepy and gross as the stories that circulated around the clubhouse made him out to be.

"No sir, we're actually here to see you. We have a business proposition for you." He looked from me to Chantal and when his eyes zeroed in on her breasts I knew he'd at least listen.

"Um, do I know you?" He asked as he licked his lips, the bait was working like a charm.

"You know my brother and my husband. I'm Jax Teller's sister, Milla Ortiz. I'm also married to the Son with the Mohawk and head tats." His eyes flashed up at me and he suddenly looked nervous.

"Listen I did my part months ago. My supervisor is still on my ass and has been since bodies went missing. I can't put a toe out of line." I nodded my head in mock understanding.

"Good thing we don't need bodies or use of your crematorium. Mind if we come down to speak in private?" I asked as I checked my purse, yep I still had my beretta and Chanty was armed to the teeth, he really creeped her out.

"I suppose, but I doubt I can help you." He moved out of the way and Chantal helped me down the awkward stairs. Once we were down the stairs Chantal closed one of the doors but kept the other open slightly. Better to have someone overhear part of the plan than be alone with this creep with the escape route closed off.

"Alright, Skeeter, I'll lay this out right now. I need access to a casket lowering device. I know for a fact that there are four available in this cemetery and only two will be in use this weekend. This leaves two unattended. I'll pay you generously if you make this happen." I leaned against a bench and Chantal stood with her arms at her sides in the center of the room unwilling to inadvertently touch anything

"I don't know what makes you think that I can do this for you. I'm just the cremator." He tried to play himself off as innocent ad I shook my head.

"Skeeter, Skeeter, Skeeter, you're so much more than that. I know you help rig up the caskets for memorial services, I know you handle the graveside prep as well as this job. You can't lie to me, I've done my research. In my research I also learned that you're one of three people with a key to the storage room that has the equipment we need. All we need is for you to loan us the key and you're in the clear. How does that sound?" I saw his interest piqued.

"What's the payment if I do this for you?" He was looking at Chantal; he seemed smart enough to get the drift.

"According to a reliable source money's no good for you but you've got a hardon for croweater pussy, direct quote there. This job is _very_ important to me, so important that I won't trust the payment to any croweater, no matter how small the tube she can suck a golf ball through. Do this for me and I'll get you a bona fide pornstar to work your junk, someone who Chantal here has worked with and can attest to their…skills. What do you say Skeeter, a little key worth some pornstar snatch?" I could see the wheels turning in his head.

"Since I can't have her, you got a picture of the other one?" Oh yeah, we had the key. I nodded to Chantal and she took out her phone, showing him some of the naked pics she had Tina send to her. The man was salivating. "Anything you want. I'll give you anything you want for an hour with her."

"Good, I'm amending the offer. Get us the key and find a way to put the device, a stand and the roll bars right near the entrance so our crew can get in and out. We'll grab it very early Sunday and return it long before business resumes Monday. Your key will be hanging from the door Sunday morning, we'll find a way in on Monday. It's my best guess that you losing the key wouldn't go over well with your boss. Your payment will come once every transaction is complete." I stood straight and he nodded.

"I'll do it, I'll even be around if you need help Sunday." I shook my head.

"No the less people present the better. We've got all the help we need." I went and stood next to Chantal as she took the phone away. "Give me your cellphone number. I'll have Chantal send you some pictures of your prize, just in case you want to pussy out of the deal."

He quickly told Chantal his number and her nimble fingers typed out the code as he stood going from foot to foot like a kid told he'd be getting a treat but had to wait. A few seconds later it was done and he led us out with assurances that the key would be in an envelope tucked into the outside door of the storage room when we got there on Sunday. He knew better than the renege on a promise made to someone associated with SAMCRO. Once we left Chantal practically bolted to the car but then evened her pace once we got far enough away.

"God I need to go home and take a dozen showers." I grinned at her response but then shook my head.

"No can do, you need to bring me to the clubhouse. I have a favor I need to ask Phil." She grumbled but put the car into drive and we took off.

"I'm taking a shower in the apartment then." The grin never left my face as we hurried off toward the clubhouse where a shower and the prospects awaited us.

* * *

"So, just let me get this straight. You want me to hook up these ancient radios to a private frequency, jury rig one of them to extend a distance of two miles then create a mic setup to hook up to the same frequency with the red radio as the parent port. You want this all done by tomorrow night so that we can test them out. I'm supposed to pull off this miracle while also helping set up and take down Ellie's party and build the new crib for Esperanza that's going in Gemma's place. I'm happy you have so much confidence in my abilities Milla but I'm no miracle worker." Phil said and I just smiled at him.

"Well I lightened some of your load for you. I've arranged for two old ladies to help with the party and Mary promised to be there so there's something. Also, Gillian's helping, at least that's what Lyla told me. As for the crib you can do that Monday, Mom already said it was fine as long as you do this. With the radios I just have this to say. Juice could do it; he could make them contact Mir if he wanted it. Since he's inside we need you to pick up the tech slack. You're right I have confidence in you, now it's your turn to show me it's not misplaced." Phil sighed then looked at the various wires and doo-dads I had managed to find in Juice's stash here at the clubhouse. If I had to go in his office at home I would but I hoped Phil would be able to do something with what he had.

"I think I can do something, do you think I could get a hold of Juice's microtools?" He asked and I nodded. I'd managed to retrieve them from the office before Chantal had taken me on my morning errands.

"Of course. They're in Chantal's bag, she's in the apartment but I think as long as you make your presence known she won't kill you for surprising her." He nodded quickly before he got up and practically ran to the back. While he was gone I took out my phone, there was a text from Koz

_ Heading to the clubhouse now. You there?_

I smiled before I sent my own reply.

_Here with Chantal, Espy's with Mom. How was coffee?_

I grinned; he and Gillian were starting that long, slow road to forgiveness. Right now they got coffee every once in a while and he'd resumed stalking her at the hospital but things looked good. Also, the fact that she'd agreed to be part of the plot against Carmen showed that maybe she'd be willing to patch things up between us as well. I had a plan for that but time would tell if I'd get to put it into effect. As I was waiting for his text some bikes pulled up and I felt relief. Some people needed Enya or the sound of a burbling brook to be calm. I needed a Harley's engine to soothe me. A few moments after the bikes stopped the door opened and I saw Koz followed by Opie, Chibs was still in Washington and would be until at least Saturday afternoon. He wanted to make it for Ellie's party.

"Hey kiddo." Koz greeted as he leaned over to kiss my head.

"Hey you, you never responded to my text." He smiled as he waved over a croweater who brought him a beer and me a bottle of juice. Now that I could visit the clubhouse again the guys kept the bar stocked for me.

"Well I was almost here. It went well and that's all you're getting from me for now." I nodded and smiled while he opened my grapefruit juice before he opened his brew. "What's all this shit?"

"Phil's working on a project for me. That reminds me; think I can borrow the prospects and Mike from the garage Sunday morning?" His eyebrows rose then he considered it.

"Let me talk to Ope about it. What's this about?" He asked and pounded his brew while I shook my head.

"Just taking care of some unfinished business. Don't worry nothing will blowback on the Club." He kept one eyebrow up and continued to look skeptically at me.

"Need help with whatever this is?" He picked up one of the radios and turned it over in his hand looking at it with a weirdly confused look. Koz was a lot of things but technologically inclined wasn't one of them.

"I just need the prospects and Mike." Koz sighed, I never had secrets with him but this was a bitch problem and the bitches needed to handle it.

"I still need to talk to Ope but if you need them they're yours. You will tell me about this shit though. Just give me the Cliff's Notes version." Shit, a direct order from the SaA, no way out of telling him.

"We're taking care of a problem, a big fucking problem that draws unwanted attention to the Club. It's a bitch problem and we want to keep the patched members out of it." Realization came to his eyes and he nodded before he took a long pull.

"Ok, we'll stay out but if you need us you better fucking call. Juice knew you'd do some shit like this, he had us on alert." I raised my eyebrow and he chuckled. "After he found out about CPS he sent a note through Lowen. Apparently, we're supposed to keep you out of jail."

I laughed; sometimes I forgot just how well my man knew me. Koz went on to tell me how this latest outing went and I couldn't help but smile at the look of hope in his eyes. Things were finally going well, now all I needed was for Gillian to forgive me and things would be golden. She'd been conferencing and speaking with Tara about the plan for two days but her interaction with me was at a minimum and it stung. I really missed her.

"What have we here?" Koz suddenly asked and I turned around to see a soaking wet Phil come out of the back holding the case of microtools with the magnifying head rig and a few steps behind him was Chantal with a towel drying off her hair. I knew my eyes were wide and Koz smirked.

"Um, I have the microtools. I'll get to work on this." He grabbed the stack of technological paraphernalia from the table and took off without giving us a chance to speak and Chantal merely stood continuing to dry her hair.

"What?" She asked and I turned around. How the hell was I supposed to address this? Koz looked at Chantal then to where Phil retreated to and let out a laugh that would make a hyena proud before he got up and went to Chantal kissing the top of her head.

"Nothing, sweetheart." He chuckled again before he walked up to Ope at the bar and whispered something to him, Ope laughed too and I knew it was time to leave.

"Chanty, I need to take my baby home." Chantal nodded and finished with her hair. Miles came running from somewhere in the back grinning as he took the towel, yep definitely time to leave.

* * *

"What's wrong Milla? You're really quiet." Chantal asked as we pulled out of the lot and I didn't know what to say.

"I thought you were into women?" Shit, why the fuck was now the time to channel Mom? Chantal just chuckled and gave me a smile.

"I still am, but there's just…something…about Phil. You know what happened to me when I was a kid what my "Dad" and brothers did to me. Phil's the first guy I've ever actually trusted and…well let's just say that with that trust came some benefits. Right now we're just friends who get a little something on the side but..shit Milla, you're the only other person I've trusted this much, the only other person I've wanted this much. No other man even reaches my radar. I mean I trust Koz, Ope and the rest of the boys but they're like how big brothers are supposed to be. Damn, I'm rambling, but you get the gist right?" She was gesticulating and I felt a smile creep on my face. She'd make a damn fine old lady after all.

"Yeah I get it. You're still into women, it's just that Phil's special and you're falling in love with _him _not his plumbing." She grinned; I'd gotten it in one.

"Don't tell Mama Gemma please, I'd hate to have her smirking at me all day. It's bad enough that you're gonna be grinning like a jack-o-lantern every time I'm in the room with Phil." I could feel my face split, the grinning had started.

"How long has this "little something on the side" been going on?" I asked and she smiled a sweet smile, as innocent a smile as I'd ever seen on her face.

"The night of the family dinner. I went home with Phil while you stayed at Gemma's. We were watching movies and he made this dumb joke about Transformers and he was so cute and nerdy that I had to kiss him and the kiss led to so much more. The best part about it was that he let me lead the way, he didn't push, didn't prod just let me show him what I wanted, what I needed. I've never had a guy treat me like that Milla. I wasn't Chantal the porn star…I was just Chantal and that's who he wanted. Shit, it was the best sex I've ever had and things have only gotten better." I felt tears in my eyes as she told me the story. After everything that happened to her through her life she deserved this, deserved to find love with someone who obviously worshiped the ground she walked on. She looked over and I saw tears in her eyes too. "I never thought I'd love anyone as much as I love you, but I think I could love him more."

The confession made me smile wider but also caused the tears to finally fall. I was so happy for Chantal, for Phil, for me. Hell, Juice would be in the clouds when he found out he didn't have to worry about Chantal anymore. Despite his protests and assurances I knew he still doubted her sincerity from time to time. We sat in companionable silence as we made our way to Mom's so I could collect my daughter.

"You get everything squared away?" Mom asked by way of greeting as we entered the house. I smiled when I saw Abel putting a block in Espy's bouncy chair. He really wanted his little cousin to play with him. He'd be a year old in a month and the thought almost made my breath catch. So much had happened to that little man in the year since his birth, so much had happened to our family. "Well?"

"Yeah, everything's squared away, we just need Gillian's help with the supplies." We'd agreed that since Gillian was new in town and constantly doing repairs on her own house that it wouldn't be suspicious for her to buy zip ties, duct tape, canvas bags and shovels. We just needed those necessities and the mic setup and everything would be complete.

"Good, Espy's sleeping so you can just chill out for a while, besides." Mom smirked as I sat. "Now's the time for Phase Two."

Chantal and I looked at each other as I took out my phone and brought up the text screen. I was going to be sending a very important message to a very stupid woman. You'd think she'd have some sense of self preservation and at least change her number, but no. I grinned as I typed the message.

_Need to talk. I made a terrible mistake. They're gonna take Espy away. I need to get out of the country._

Mom smirked as she read over my shoulder. We'd been having Gillian and Tara discuss the "horrible" situation around Carmen any time they could. Tara could be a really good actress and Gillian was just…Gillian. You couldn't help but trust her. Apparently Carmen had taken the bait in the hospital and now she was taking my bait. Less than 30 seconds later I got a reply.

_We can talk 2nite. Get online n IM we cn b out of the cntry 2morrow. I knew you loved me._

I cringed at the message but continued with the ploy.

_Too many eyes, come to the house Sunday morning at 5:30. It's my nurse's shift change. I'm alone for 10 minutes_

Ma smirked and kissed my forehead while we waited for the reply.

_Ill b there. Love you. Cnt w8 2 finally b a family w you_

That was it, it was done. Now we just had to get all of the little pieces together to complete the picture.

* * *

"Who's Mommy's pretty little girl?" I cooed to Espy as I helped Mom give her a bath. It still stung that I was "the help" with my own baby but as long as she stayed my baby and wasn't confiscated by the state I'd be happy to just assist.

"I never thought you'd be one of _those moms_." Ma said as she started to wash Espy's hair while I took the wash cloth and got her little feet.

"What do you mean?" I had a suspicion but waited for her to confirm it.

"Those babytalking, cooing, just annoying kind of Moms. It's cute now but you better snap out of it. She has enough of a handicap with Juice as a Daddy you don't have to lower her brain cells by doing the babytalk bullshit." Wow, that was harsh. Even for Mom.

"She's a baby, there's a natural inclination to babytalk her. What's the real problem Ma?" She was upset about something and I was a convenient target.

"The real problem is…" She sighed as she took a different washcloth and rubbed Espy's head to get a lather, "I don't want you to be one of _those_ moms. You're smart and fierce and your baby needs that, not some simpering fool."

"I rarely babytalk her Ma, I don't really like it either but come on, how can you not want to coo at the sweet little face?" I asked as I ran the washcloth over Esperanza's cheek and Mom smiled.

"Ok, once in a while you just have to, but curb that shit." I smiled and saluted Mom. As we were finishing up the bath there was a knock at the door and since Ma had her hands full it was my duty to get the door. To say I was pleased to see who was standing on the other side is a definite understatement.

"Hi Milla." Gillian said shyly as she stood on the other side, patiently waiting.

"Hi Gillian." Damn, why was I acting like a shy kid on her first date? I shouldn't have been this nervous around Gillian. I guess this was kind of how Koz felt, hell, still feels.

"Can I come in?" I nodded and opened the door wider. "Your Mom said she had Esperana for the day, I kinda missed her."

I smiled as Gillian walked into the dining room and sat down, knowing almost instinctively where it was ok to sit at Mom's table. That thing was almost as sacred as the Redwood. I joined her and looked at my hand for a second before she spoke.

"I was also hoping I'd get to see you." I looked up, surprised. She'd made no indication that she was going to ever talk to me in more than one or two syllables ever again but here she was, seeking me out. "We need to talk about some things."

"Whatever you wanna talk about." I insisted and she nodded.

"Before we get to that, where's Espy?" She asked and I smiled, that little girl already had everyone wrapped around her little finger..

"Mom's finishing up her bath, then she'll bring her out." Gillian nodded.

"Good, we can talk before they get out here." She took a deep breath before she continued. "I've talked to Koz a bit about that morning and I think I may have reacted too harshly. I'm not saying that it wasn't the wrong thing for you to do. It's just that now I know that your intentions weren't selfish. You love Koz and care about me and just wanted things to work out for us. Thank you for caring so much, really, but you went about it the wrong way."

"I get that and I'm sorry about how everything happened." She nodded and smiled lightly.

"Apology accepted. I miss you Milla, I realized that you and Espy had become a big part of my life, it's not just the Club I care about it's the two of you and over the last couple of weeks I learned that I don't just need the Club in my life, I need you and Espy too." She smiled, "Besides, if I ever work things out with Koz, I couldn't get away from you two if I tried. You're too important to him."

"You got that right, he's just as important to us." She nodded and those brown eyes shone.

"Can we start over again? A semi-clean slate?" She asked and I nodded.

"Of course, Espy could always use another Auntie." This made her grin and we chatted about everything she'd missed. Eventually Mom came from the back with my clean and freshly dressed baby, looking pleased at the scene in front of her. She nodded once in approval before she handed the baby to Gillian who cooed and just showed her love for my daughter. While she visited with us we also learned that she'd assembled all the pieces we needed and even managed to smuggle a sedative from the hospital so we'd be able to knock Carmen out when it came time to get to Phase Four of the plan. I had to grin at that revelation; things were turning out so nicely.

* * *

"Heart rate is steady and your blood pressure's good. You're in the clear." I glared at Tara as she gave me all the little tests that she needed to do to ensure that I was good. After everything with CPS and the plotting, she felt it was in my best interest to run through these tests every time we saw each other or get on the phone with my nurse or Neeta to see if they ran them. I loved Tara, I really did but this hovering was too much. I knew that she considered me family and she'd never be the touchy-feely-lovey type and this was her way to show she loved me, but it was still annoying as hell.

"I've been fine for two days Tara, you don't need to be so vigilant." I huffed and she simply gave me a shifty little smile.

"I may not need to be, but I want to be. Milla this is a stressful time and you've already undergone more trauma in the last year than most people go through in their entire lives. Be annoyed with me if you want but it won't make me care any less or do any less to take care of you." She took my wrist in her hand again. "Follow up."

I rolled my eyes as she finished up and read the chart Gerard had written up that morning which detailed how well I was healing and the recent change in Espy's routine. Now she'd be going to Ma's with Abel for a couple of hours a day so I could do some minor work for Elliot's non-profit. I was still on disability and Tribal Assistance but both organizations said that as long as I was below part-time status and working for a charity it didn't count. The charity was aimed at providing the survivors of sexual abuse with access to support and emotional assistance. There was no way I wasn't going to help with that. Mom also liked that, having me on board looked really good for SAMCROs image. We definitely needed a boost there.

"Tara, what about you? You're pregnant, got the little bambino all secure in there and you've undergone as much trauma as I have. Who's taking care of you?" Tara started putting things away and she still had that little smile on her face.

"I have Gillian watching me like a hawk and Gemma's hovering all the time. The guys are also checking up on me. I have no shortage of people looking out for me." She smiled slightly wider and sat next to me, resting her hands on her belly. "Then there's you. I know you have Gerard check on me when he's in the hospital. I know you're still on good terms with Dixie and she constantly brings me little snacks and pick-me-ups during the day. I haven't said anything because you're trying to be sneaky about it but I do appreciate it, even if I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"I just want to be sure you're taking care of yourself. All throughout my pregnancy you made sure I was ok, even when I tried to be all stoic and suffer in silence. You made sure I took all my meds, went to every appointment and made sure I wasn't working too hard. You also took Juice's panicked calls and managed to calm him down, a remarkable feat to be sure." That made her chuckle a little. "You've done so much that I can't possibly begin to repay you. Also, you're my sister, it doesn't matter if Jax has that ring on your finger or not you are part of my family and always will be. I want you and my little niece or nephew to be alright, because I love you both."

"I'm fine, the pregnancy is progressing without incident. That feeling's mutual you know, the sister thing. I may not be the "let's all hug and share our deepest feelings" kind of person but I do love you and I love my niece which is why I want her Mommy to be around for a very long time." I smiled then I had to take a deep breath.

"I want you around for a long time too but I think your part in the plot is over. I don't want you doing anything that could put the pregnancy in jeopardy. You can stay with Ma and make sure she doesn't go crazy." She shook her head.

"No, I was in the second she brought Espy into this. Hell, if you would have told me about APS when that inquiry was going down I would've had her in a disciplinary sanction so fast her head would spin. She messed with my family Milla, our family and I can't let that slide. Besides, you need me to monitor Carmen so she doesn't die on us. That would just be awkward." I don't know if it was her tone or just what she said but I burst out laughing and she joined me for a bit. It really felt good to laugh.

* * *

"Everything's looking good." I said to Lyla as we joined Chantal at a table in the corner, overlooking everything. She grinned at the praise before she took my hand.

"Well it was easy. All Ellie wanted as a Disney Channel party and that shit's everywhere. Really, between her and Gillian the party planned itself." This time it was my turn to grin as I saw Gillian standing by the food table making sure that all the food bowls were full and the soda cooler was stocked.

"She's really all in isn't she?" I asked and Lyla nodded. Besides Tara and Ma, Lyla spent the most time with Gillian.

"Yeah, all in, we just need Koz to slap a crow on her for it to be complete." I grinned wider at the thought as Tara came over with Abel on her hip and Ma pushed Espy in the stroller that Ellie had decked out in Disney regalia. Apparently since Ellie was Auntie she wanted Espy to have a special place in the party. That meant full access any time she wanted her and her newly pimped-out ride.

"Very nice job Lyla, the kids look like they're having a good time." Tara gave her a smile and Lyla grinned wider, especially when Mom gave a slight nod.

"Thanks for the compliment but you should really be thanking Gillian, she helped Ellie plan this and I just got everything they needed and made sure the decorations went up." Mom nodded again, it was something she would've done.

As we chatted about the party Gillian gave up her spot by the food table and joined us at the table. As I looked at everyone I realized that now would be perfect to bring everyone up to speed on the plan.

"Ok, I just thought I'd let you know that Phase One through Three is complete. We have all items, bait has been taken and Phil completed work on the mic system and fitted it to the box. There's also been an oxygen tank installed thanks to Chantal's brilliant thought that maybe the target would hyperventilate and the air holes wouldn't be enough. We have the van and flatbed operational and ready to roll out at three a.m., coincidentally that's when Mike will head to the orchard and commence digging. I also received a text from the target this morning. She has her bags packed and is ready to take off. We'll apparently be buying our tickets at the airport, one less paper trail to deal with. You all still with me?" I asked already knowing the answer. Everyone else did too and just gave me a look. "Good."

Once that bit of business was out of the way we sat watching the kids at their various locations around the party. Ellie and one of her little friends from school were at the "Hannah Montana" section. Her little friend was lip-syncing to "Who Says" while Ellie took pictures with the "professional" camera Chantal had managed to snag from her work before they threw it out. Kenny, Piper and a few of the other boys were running around with wands and pointy hats from the "Wizards of Waverly Place" section, thinking of the grossest spells they could. Then there was the "Suite Life" section, they decided on "On Deck" and I laughed out loud when I saw Piney cooling his feet off in the pool while Opie just shook his head and Koz merely snickered. It was especially funny since Mary had arrived and was doing some complaining but Piney couldn't have possibly cared less. The other kids and parents were scattered around the backyard, eating and talking and just having a good time. Eventually Ellie got tired of playing photographer and wandered over to our table, being sure to liberate Espy from her stroller as soon as she got there.

"How're you liking the party babygirl?" I asked as I watched her cradling the baby she so often claimed as her own.

"I'm having fun. I just wish Uncle Juice could be here, he always had fun stuff at the parties and I miss Uncle Bobby being Elvis." I knew my smile turned sad and Ellie handed Espy over to my Mom before she walked to me and gave me a hug. "I know you miss them too."

"Yeah I do but, you know what?" She shook her head. "They would want you to have a good time, enjoy your birthday."

She smiled and nodded before she hugged me. Once she was done hugging me she went around the table and hugged everyone, even managing to get a pleased gurgle from Abel. Once she was done with the hugs she took Espy back and looked back at us.

"I don't know what you guys are doing, but I know you're up to something." We looked at her in shock. The last thing we wanted was our plan and general anxiety to ruin the party. We shared concerned looks with each other while Ellie gave a sudden grin. "But that's ok, I know you all love me and are here for me so you can go back to what you were doing. Besides, I need to show Angie what a pretty baby Espy is. She said she looked like a monkey and that's not cool."

I chuckled knowing Ellie would never let the insult stand. Espy was hers and she would do anything she could to protect her in any way she could. Once Ellie rolled away with Espy in her pimpin' little stroller, Mom turned to me and we shared a little telepathic message. We still had some work to do.

We talked more about about the plan, hammering out the details and being sure everyone knew their part. Eventually the party started getting entirely too loud and we had to cut it short but we stayed seated at the table. We were the women of SAMCRO and we were ready to defend what was ours.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Next chapter REVENGE! Nothing but revenge


	11. Chapter 11

**I own nothing you recognize. Original characters, with the exception of Gillian, belong to me. Gillian belongs to the wonderful Superdani.**

**Chapter Eleven**

"Sit down, you're giving me whiplash." Mom commanded from her seat at the kitchen table but I had to ignore her. It was 5:05am and we still had twenty-five minutes to go before the plan would be set into action.

"Can't...too freaking nervous." Ma got up from her seat and banded her arms around me in a firm embrace, keeping me still but also causing my shoulder to scream in protest.

"We've planned everything out baby, down to the last detail. It's all gonna go off without a hitch. Breathe baby." She changed her hold and pulled my head to her shoulder. At times like this I wanted to look at her and ask who this sweet, calm, nurturing woman was and what she did with Gemma Teller-Morrow but that impulse was always immediately shot down by my need for the affection.

"What if she comes early? What if she figures out something's up?" I asked and my eyes went wide. Mom merely smiled and kissed my head while she rubbed my back.

"Honey, if she comes early that just means that we go to our hiding places early and she's not smart enough to figure out something's up." I chuckled at that and Ma kissed my head again. "Ok, now go in the living room and sit with Tara and Gillian. Lyla will be here soon."

I nodded and went in the living room, being sure to take steady breaths in and out. We were doing it; Carmen was going to find out that the women of SAMCRO could be even more vicious then the men. I smiled to think how proud Tig would be of me for coming up with this plan. When I got in the living room Tara and Gillian were putting medical supplies in the bag. We had my portable heart rate monitor, ready to get hooked up to Carmen's chest. The various needles with things like epinephrine, sedatives and anything else we might need that were liberated from the hospital. There was also a tiny camera that Phil had set up with a night vision lens that was going to be mounted once we got her in the burlap lined box. Now we weren't just going to have audio contact but visual as well.

"How's everything here?" I asked and Tara nodded before she gave me a small, tight lipped smile.

"Good, even with her extreme phobia she won't die on us. We have everything we could need short of a sterile OR." I smiled and let out a breath, it was what I needed to hear.

"Ok, now we wait." I sighed and sat down in the chair and watched the clock as the seconds crept by.

During the twenty or so minutes between my talk with Tara to showtime Lyla had arrived with the kids. Opie was doing some "Club business" and wanted them with Ma and since Ma loved all the kids she agreed. I watched Gillian during this time and was a little shocked at how calm she was about the whole thing. I thought she'd be nervous or freaking out about committing her first felony but she was doing better than I was. Also during that time Chantal had arrived on the back of Phil's bike and was now waiting in the kitchen with the rest of the girls, ready to pounce while Phil helped Miles with the van. Apparently the digging and prep had gone off without a hitch and Mike was waiting at the orchard for further instructions. He was most likely getting a Prospect patch for this and the man had earned it. When we said "no questions asked" he took it to heart and followed every direction to the letter. A very good habit for a prospect. I was talking to Tara about the heart monitor's battery pack when there was an excited knocking at the door…Showtime!

I got out of my seat, straightened out my shirt and made my hair messy. I already had red eyes from staying up all night so I could pull this off. Gillian gave me a thumbs up before she joined the other women in the kitchen and with one last, deep breath I walked to the door.

"Oh Milla!" Carmen exclaimed as she hugged me tight before she held me at arm's length and looked at me. "You don't look so good baby."

She hugged me again and it took everything in my power not to cringe.

"Would you be good if they were going to take your child away?" I asked, drawing from the sick churning in my gut as I thought about that exact scenario.

"Of course…well, not to worry. I have them gassing up one of Daddy's jets in Fresno. We'll be going to Dallas and that's where we'll pick up the Nanny, chef and in-house doctor. From there our first trip will be Dubai, we're taking a luxury flight. Then we'll see all that there is to offer. Once you're rested and recuperated we'll go to Madrid, I have family there and they'll be more than happy to put us up. God I've been planning this trip for years, now that dream is coming true." She took my hand and kissed it before she looked around. "Where's Espy? Shouldn't she be ready to go?"

"No, my granddaughter is sleeping peacefully in her crib." Carmen jerked up and I smiled a smile I knew was pure evil. Mom came up behind me and put her arm around my shoulders while she held the gun to Carmen. "You really are too stupid to live."

"Milla?" Her eyes were wide and I kept the smile on my face while I shook my head.

"You made a big mistake Carmen." Her eyes got wide as she saw the girls come out of the back and fought when Lyla grabbed one arm and Chantal the other.

"What mistake? I love you, that's it." She fought but Lyla and Chantal were surprisingly strong, her eyes went wider when she saw Tara and Gillian. "How is loving you a mistake?"

"Oh, honey, that's not the mistake. The mistake was messing with my family." I rested my head on Ma's shoulder while she held the gun trained and Gillian prepped the needle. "Family is everything."

Gillian plunged the needle into her arm while Tara put the sack over her head while Lyla and Chantal let her fall back into the chair. Within a matter of minutes the guys had come in and carried her out to the back while I hugged Ma and made sure the radio/video feed was operational. Now, we could have some real fun.

* * *

Once Carmen was secured we began our trip. It was silent as Tara checked Carmen's heart rate and made sure she wasn't in strain and everyone else just sat quietly with their game faces on. It sucked that Mom couldn't be here for the physical act of vengeance but it was a relief to know that she'd be with us through the radio and video hookup. No words were spoken as Chantal drove us to the location with Phil leading and Miles behind. As we pulled into the lot I grinned as I saw Mike, in the light of the work lamps, walking around the setup, occasionally putting out a hand to test the tension in a strap or the locking mechanism on the rack. Yeah, this guy had what it took for prospecting. We ground to a stop and waited for the guys to come and grab our charge. I smiled at Mike as he opened my door for me and helped me down.

"Everything's set up, the tension's done up on the lowering straps, the crank's well oiled and the hoist ropes are in place. Once the box is in the hole, it'll come out again." He gave me a smile and I nodded.

"You don't know how much I appreciate this. I'm going to have a talk with Chibs and Piney when we get back." I didn't have to say anything else, the look on his face proved that he got the gist of it. He nodded and helped me navigate my way in the still-dark morning air. I heard shuffling and a thump behind us and knew that the guys had unloaded Carmen. With Mike's help I found myself at the box and had to smirk. It was like something from a Takashi Miike film, or Tig's wet dream.

The box was a seven foot by three work of solid cedar, I wanted her to have the smell lodged in her memory forever. It was lined in a thin layer of the scratchiest burlap Gillian could find and affixed to the side there were four "asylum level" restraints to keep her locked in tightly. Also attached was an oxygen tank with enough oxygen for three hours that would be piped into the tubes we were going to affix to her nose. The mic set up was a thing of genius. Phil had managed to get mini-mics from somewhere and had them peppering the box so we could hear from every conceivable angle and the camera was affixed to the top of the box so that when it was closed we'd see everything. Instead of nails the box was going to be strapped in place with ratchet straps and duct tape. We wanted to be able to get her out quickly in case of an emergency. All in all it was a thing of beauty and it would be a shame when we'd have to have Mike torch it, we did have pictures though, it was too good not to share. Tig and Hap would certainly appreciate it. As I was admiring it Mike took my elbow and guided me away while Miles and Phil placed Carmen in the box. Once she was in there Tara, Gillian and Chantal went to work locking her in the restraints while Lyla went to the hole and took some pictures with her phone. I looked over and she smiled.

"For posterity." That made me grin wide and I watched Tara tap a needle before she put its contents into Carmen who took a sharp breath and started to wake up. It was a good thing that Gillian had already put the oxygen tubes on her nose and hooked her up to the monitor. From that moment there was a bustle of activity as the girls finished with Carmen and helped Phil and Miles get the box closed and on the lowering device. Phil clicked a button and suddenly we could hear the sound of shuffling, followed by a sound of obvious panic. Oh yes, she was awake.

"Whe- Wha- Oh god! Help! Somebody help me!" She screamed for about a solid moment before she quieted down. "Ok, I can get out of this. I can do it. Oh god."

"Hello Carmen." I said quietly into the headset Phil had equipped me with. The rest of the girls were around the monitor he'd set up in the back of the van with an external mic in case they wanted to talk.

"Milla." She said my name like she couldn't believe it was me and I guessed she couldn't.

"Yes Carmen, it's me." Suddenly she started screaming again and I had to remove the earpiece from my ear. As soon as the screams stopped I spoke again. "Oh, Carmen, Carmen, Carmen you don't wanna do that. The more you scream, the more oxygen you waste and that canister only has three hours worth…well two and a half thanks to that little outburst."

"Why are you doing this?" Her voice held an edge of panic; we couldn't let her rile herself up too much.

"I told you, you made a mistake. You went after my family and we can't let that stand. Now, you can get out of this darling. You just have to cooperate." I nodded to Chantal and she nodded back before she went to the box and slapped her hands to the top.

"What was that?" Carmen shrieked and I smiled.

"Just letting you know you're not alone. You cooperate and my friend will release you, you don't and…what was your worst fear again?" As soon as I asked the question we could hear struggling.

"If I get out of here, you're all gonna fry! I'll get my Dad's lawyers and you'll all go down. You'll be as worthless as your husband, who'll take care of your _little princess _then, huh?" I took a deep breath and nodded to Gillian who took the handle to the tension crank out of the box in the back of the van and went to the device.

"Another stupid move Carmen. Again, what was your worst fear?" As I asked it Gillian put the crank handle to the apparatus and cranked it enough to loosen the tension before she let the weight of the box take it down, as it descended about a foot Carmen screamed.

"STOP! Stop…I won't do anything just let me out of here please." She begged and Gillian pushed the button next to the crank, effectively stopping the progress.

"Good girl. We're all set to do that again if you offer any resistance and this hole goes deep…can you guess how deep Carmen." She didn't say anything, just whimpered. "What I'd like from you now is an explanation. What possessed you to do what you did? What did you think you could possibly gain from me losing my child? You have to know by now that my child means more to me than anything else."

"I-I- just wanted to h-h-hurt you." She sobbed and stuttered pitifully. "Thought your family w-w-was bad enough, to get attention. I wanted you to lose for once."

Toward the end of her explanation her voice got stronger. She was getting angry again. Good, we were just getting started.

"I get it Carmen, I do. I've had someone I thought I loved reject me and it hurt but I was mature about it. I didn't go after the people he loved. I just sucked it up and went about my life. I was thirteen at the time and more mature than you are now. Again, tell me what would you gain from me, hell from SAMCRO, getting that attention?" She had to learn that what happens to one effects all in the SAMCRO world.

"I wanted you to hurt so you'd see that I was the only one who could save you. I was ready god damn it. I had lawyers on standby ready to fight this for you. I even hired this guy who could get your marriage absolved because your man's in prison. I was going to be your savior." There it was, she did it to be my hero.

"Oh Carmen, you silly, silly bitch. You were never going to be my savior. I already have a savior in my life and he's in Stockton Federal Penitentiary biding his time until he can be in my life again. He's my old man, the love of my life and father of my children. You were never going to replace him and it was stupid to even think you could. On another note did you ever consider that it wasn't just me you were messing with, but SAMCRO? Did you ever think that my baby has the best care possible? So many holes in your plan Carmen, so damn many." I sighed, she was so spoiled that she couldn't see things beyond what would benefit her. The rest of the world didn't register.

"That thug? I've talked to people around town; he's nothing but a criminal like your Dad and your brother. When I get out of here they're all going down, all the kids will be in the system and you'll be lucky if you see your "old man" in twenty years. Fuck you and fuck SAMCRO!" I didn't even have to say anything Gillian let the box drop a bit before she stopped it so abruptly that it bounced. Carmen screamed, but we weren't done. With a jerk of my head to Chantal and Tara they nodded and each grabbed a shovel. As they shoveled dirt in the hole Carmen screamed again and resumed begging and crying in an unintelligible string of words.

"You ready to be a good girl Carmen? Ready to stop insulting my family, threatening my husband?" I asked in a voice so cold butter wouldn't have melted in my mouth.

"I'll be good." She squeaked and I nodded to Tara who went to the van and picked up the mic before she walked over to me.

"Hello Carmen." She said in a voice that was calm and collected. "Are you feeling well? Any nausea?"

"I feel sick but I can breathe." She said in a cooperative tone.

"That's good, now Carmen. I just want you to know that Milla's not alone in this, by going to CPS you put us all in danger and we can't let you do that. I know you don't like being in that box, but we need you to learn your lesson. If we let you walk out of here, what are you going to do?" Oh I loved Tara so much at this moment. Carmen wouldn't listen to me anymore. She was afraid of me now. I'd let Tara and the girls do the talking for a while, then I'd start again.

"I'll leave Charming, please Dr. Knowles, please let me out of here. You're better than this, better than that trash. I couldn't see it, couldn't see that she was a redneck piece of white trash but I bet you can doctor. Please let me out. I'll get you an appointment at Mayo or Johns Hopkins, hell Cedar-Sinai. Just let me out of here." I looked over and saw that Tara's face was white and the skin stretched tight, she was pissed the fuck off.

"Wrong answer Carmen, this "trash" is my family and I love them. If you say anything like that again I'll have Gillian drop the box a little lower, not much farther now." I was so proud of Tara I thought I would burst. "Now, tell me. What. Will. You. Do?"

"I'll leave Charming, start a new life. I'll never think about, talk about or come back to Charming!" She was getting excited; we had to calm her down.

"And Milla?" Tara asked as she rubbed my back.

"That redneck whore? Done. She can have her criminal and her half-breed baby. I never wanted the kid anyway." That revelation didn't surprise me, she hated kids. "Please let me out of here."

"We can arrange that, I just need you to promise me something Carmen." Tara said in a soothing voice that I knew was well practiced from working with hysterical parents. "Promise that you won't come back and I'll need you to put it in writing, we need documentation that you won't retaliate and call CPS again or report this to the authorities. If you do either of those things we'll just find you again and won't even bother with the set up."

"No, I won't put it in fucking writing. You'll have to take my word." Suddenly, Gillian came from her position by the crank, which Chantal took over and took the mic from Tara.

"That doesn't work for us Carmen. You're a liar and a loudmouth. I've heard the stuff you've been spreading around the hospital about the Sons and the kids. You've said the most horrible, disgusting things and for that reason alone your word is worthless. I'm prepared to help you get out of town, leave us in peace but we need the document. We need the proof." I looked at Gillian and she gave me a smile. She was so full of surprises.

"Nurse Icy? Jesus Christ, does SAMCRO have _everyone_ in this town in their pocket?" She sounded belligerent but Gillian's smile turned malicious.

"Carmen, I have zero patience for people like you and if you talk like that again, I'll lower this coffin so fast the impact will snap your neck. Your head's the only part of you that's not quite secure; imagine the force of that impact. The short version is that I will kill you. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Gillian's voice sent chills down my spine and for a moment we all just looked at her. Where was the sweet nurse? She sounded pretty Happy-esque, which was very disconcerting. "Either you agree to the document or we finish the drop, fill in the hole and call it a day."

Tara smiled tightly at her and Chantal joined us with Lyla in tow.

"I can't." She said quietly and suddenly there was a crackle in the feed.

"Jesus Christ, just drop her already, she's too dangerous to keep alive." Mom's voice came slightly scratchy but still intelligible. There was no way Phil _wasn't _getting that top rocker.

"You know we can't do that yet Ma, she's shown that she knows how to cooperate. If she ceases to do so we will have to amend that, but for now she'll remain as is." I spoke for the first time in a while and saw Carmen jerk in the video feed.

"Fine, but wrap this up Ellie and I are marinating ribs for lunch and Koz's barbecuing with Piney. We'd hate for you to miss that." I smiled and Chantal leaned over and spoke.

"Sounds good Gemma, you gonna keep some naked for me?" I loved this; it was a good way to show Carmen what she almost destroyed.

"Of course baby, we also have some coleslaw with grapes for Lyla. I want all my girls to be happy. So hurry up and take out the trash, Ellie and I are waiting and Espy misses her Mommy. We all want you to come home…all my girls." That was it, the crackling stopped and I knew Mom was done talking but would be listening and watching until the end.

"You heard that Carmen, that's what a family is. We watch out for each other, love each other and do what we can to make each others' lives easier. Now, that's what you've never had and could never understand. You almost took that from me and that will never be forgiven." I spoke quietly and suddenly felt tears rolling down my face, I couldn't talk any more but Gillian, with an annoyed look to the screen took up the mic again.

"We'll give you one more chance Carmen. You put the promise in writing and let me watch you leave and you'll get out of this mess. You fight us and we let you drop. We have a backhoe here ready to fill in the hole and are prepared to lay down a slab of concrete so you won't get out. You don't have very long to make this decision. Tick Tock." She handed the mic to Tara who looked positively evil as she spoke.

"She's right Carmen, with all your freaking out and screaming I'd say you have about fifteen minutes left on that tank. That's just about enough to hold you over as we get you out of the box. The clock is ticking Carmen and we need an answer." She smirked and we watched as Carmen warred with herself in the box.

"YES! Ok? I'll do it. I'll even make it legally binding. Please. Just let me out of here. I won't do anything; you'll be safe and free. Just promise the same for me." I made a tsking noise.

"You're in no place to make demands. We'll accept your offer but remember this. Wherever you go, whatever you do, we'll be able to find you and trust us, we will find you. There are Charters and allies all over the world and word will spread about what you did to the Mother Charter. We'll be keeping track of you but, as long as you cooperate, you'll be free. Do you agree to our terms?" I asked and I saw and heard her breathe a sigh of relief. I don't think she believed that we'd be able to keep tabs on her.

"Yes, just get me out of here. Once I'm free I'm out of your life and you don't have to worry about me ever again. I'm sorry I ever wasted time on you." I smiled; she'd be paying for that comment.

"Very well. It's done." I nodded to Gillian and she went to the crank again while Lyla hugged me, both of us almost limp with relief. "Oh one last thing Carmen."

"What?" She asked testily.

"Brace yourself." She didn't have time to reply before Gillian hit the crank and tension lever simultaneously, sending the box down the last few feet at a too fast speed. Suddenly there was a scream, and then a loud thump and Carmen went limp. We ladies all shared a smile and a hug before we nodded to the boys, who immediately went to retrieve the box, looking at us with pride. As they were retrieving the box and getting Carmen out of it I was walked to the van and forced to sit down, almost giddy with relief. Lyla gave me another hug while Chantal held my hand and we heard the rumble of motorcycles in the distance. Our boys were watching over us.

* * *

"It was the funniest goddamn thing I'd ever seen." Ma said as she dished me up a plate of ribs and the herbed, garlic potatoes that she's whipped up just for me.

"I was so nervous that she'd fight us and we'd have to kill her but damn it if Tara couldn't talk her down. I am so grateful to you sweetheart." I said as I picked up a rib and nibbled on it.

"I just did what I had to do. That bitch hurt family. Speaking of the bitch, has anyone heard from Gillian? She should have been here by now; it shouldn't have taken this long for Carmen to pack." She asked as she bounced Abel on her knee.

"She just texted me, Carmen's gone and she's on her way over, she wants us to save her some ribs." Koz said as he breezed in and deposited a fresh batch on the table and leaned down to kiss Mom's cheek before he moved around the table to do the same to mine.

"Thank God." Ma said as she got me a glass of juice. Ever since we got back we were being treated like conquering heroes. The guys went out of their way to make us feel comfortable, including Opie giving Lyla a much needed foot rub and Chibs making sure Tara didn't have to get up to do anything and even Piney went out of his way to show kindness, making a special batch of "naked" ribs just for Chantal who was allergic to the peppers in Ma's marinate. Today was turning out awesome and that awesomeness was compounded by the fact that I'd learned that, while the meetings were still restricted, I'd get to see Juice tomorrow and bring Espy. He couldn't hold his little girl but he could sure as hell see her. I smiled as I nibbled my rib…yeah things had turned out alright.

* * *

**Author's Note: **There you have it! The revenge has been doled out and Carmen's out of the picture…or is she? You'll have to keep reading to find out. If you have any questions about the apparatus I described. Just let me know. I have a cousin who works for a mortuary and he was very valuable in my research and of course Google's very informative. I hope that met your expectations and thank you for reading and reviewing.


	12. Chapter 12

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines, with the exception of Gillian, are my own. Gillian belongs to the amazing Superdani.  
**

**Chapter Twelve**

"Where are you going?" I asked Koz as he practically ran out the door.

"She should have been here by now. I'm going to go find her." He looked mildly panicked and I shared a look with Mom before we laughed. Koz in love was one of the cutest things I'd ever seen and after the show at the party last night it was even cuter.

"She'll be here soon, just relax. It's not like she's a shrinking violet." Ma said and I looked down at my plate, trying hard not to giggle.

"I'll go wait outside." With that Koz walked outside and Ellie got up from her seat next to me.

"What's up baby?" I stopped her and she smiled.

"I want to see Gilly." She said before she leaned down and whispered conspiratorially, "I think he's gonna kiss her."

I shooed her away and stayed seated. If he did kiss her it would be about damn time. I'd heard about the the reconciliation and if the way they'd acted at the party was any indication, she'd not just forgiven him but she trusted him again and I was happy for them.

"Hey Mama, I think your babygirl wants you." I looked up to see Opie bringing me a squirmy Espy. I smiled at him, loving how comfortable he was getting with my baby. I loved Ope so much that I wanted my baby to love her Uncle Opie just as much and lately he was doing a lot for both of us. I didn't think I'd ever get over the shock of walking into the living room seeing him changing a dirty diaper, I think Ellie's was the last one he'd changed, but he did a good job.

"Gimme." I said and Opie gave me a big smile as he deposited my little girl into my arms. I smiled down at her, she was getting so big with her caramel skin and pronounced nose. She looked so much like her daddy that sometimes I found it hard to breathe I missed him so much.

"She's here!" Ellie practically shouted from the living room and Ma walked to stand by her. I turned around and watched as Mom quietly opened the door, ushered Ellie out and followed her. No one was spared the watchful eyes of Gemma Teller-Morrow.

Tara gave me a look when there was a giggle from outside and we laughed. It seemed like Ellie was right. We watched as Mom and Ellie came back inside with matching Cheshire cat grins and a blushing Gillian and beaming Koz came in a few moments later.

"About damn time brother!" Chibs practically shouted and none of us could hold it in any longer, about damn time indeed.

* * *

I balanced my baby in her Bjorn that the guards allowed me to use. I still wasn't strong enough to hold her in my arms but with Mom's help we'd discovered that I was strong enough to hold her in this way and between Tara and Gillian we'd found a comfortable position that would allow Juice to see her face and Phil committed it to memory as he helped me arrange her in the main visitors' area. At first the guards were skeptical but after I allowed them to scan the cloth sling and check out my other sling they were ok with it. What did they expect me to do? He was behind glass anyway.

"Right this way Mrs. Ortiz." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I was here every week, I knew the procedure but the guard was just doing his job so I deserved to show him a little respect. It's not like he put them in here, in fact the guards were part of the reason they were all still alive. Once Espy and I were seated at the partition we waited for Juice to be brought in. It had been weeks since he'd seen her and I knew he missed her. Soon there was the noise of locks being disengaged and Juice was brought in. His grin was so bright I was momentarily blinded but gave him my own grin just the same.

"God, she's beautiful." He said once I moved so he could get a good look at her. We were in a private partition with perforated glass and a guard by the door on his side.

"She's perfect. How are you baby?" I asked once he moved his eyes from her and settled them on mine.

"Better, is everything settled?" I nodded, once we got this out of the way we could really talk.

"Yeah, we just have to do some follow up but Gillian assured us it was done." He nodded and his eyes went back to Espy.

"I'd give anything to hold her." His voice sounded distant and I felt a little piece of my heart break, we both wanted the same thing but didn't know when that would happen.

"When's the disciplinary hearing baby?" The question shook him from wherever his brain had transported him to and his mouth quirked a bit. It wasn't a smile or a grimace it was just what it was.

"It's scheduled for next Wednesday. Lowen says things aren't looking hopeless. It helps that I have a shorter rap sheet." I nodded, accepting that I wouldn't get anything else from him.

"Want me to postpone the weekly until after that, to see how things go? The gen pop visits are scheduled on Saturdays so-"He cut me off by raising his hand.

"No, I don't want you in that mess; even with the deal we were given there'd be no guarantee that you'd be able to see me. Besides, there's no guarantee that the hearing will go smoothly either and I need to see you. Seeing you is the only way I'm staying as sane as I am." I smiled as I felt my eyes mist up. Seeing him was the only way I was staying sane too.

"I'm starting my new job today." I was so proud that I could actually speak even though I felt like I was choking.

"The non-profit thing?" He asked and I nodded. He liked Elliot and trusted him so as long as I took care of myself and quit if things got too much he'd bow to my judgment.

"Yeah, just a couple of hours a day. I get to sit and answer phones, just basically offer any help I can. We're setting up a hotline so I'll be busy with that. This is such a great thing baby." I smiled at him and he nodded.

"You were goin' crazy at home weren't you?" He asked and I nodded. "Only ten more months to go then I'll be running you ragged baby."

I grinned, in ten months I'd be whole again. I stared at Juice while his attention turned to Espy and just studied him. In the three months and some change that he'd been here things were starting to change. The muscles that I loved were getting more defined and the bodyfat, what little there was of it, was melting away. His hair was starting to grow even longer than it had previously been and I mourned his Mohawk. I loved that hair, it was so _Juice_, I would associate that strip of black and those bolts with him until the day I died and I knew he wasn't feeling right without them. I moved to his face and my heart hurt as I saw the bruises my brother caused by being a fool, by reacting when he should have picked his battles. I knew Opie did me a huge favor at his own expense by telling me but I was grateful that I knew what happened. As I reached his eyes, those dark brown eyes I loved so much I saw that they had moved from Espy and he was doing his own studying, once they moved from my chest, where they were trained on where my healing surgical scar was, to my face and when his eyes met mine there was a sadness there that I'd never wanted to see. He started to speak and I shook my head. We didn't need apologies, we just needed our family and the time we'd been given.

* * *

After Phil and I dropped Espy off at Mom's he brought me to work. I was now working for "Survivor's United" Elliot's non-profit organization that's purpose was to aid survivors of sexual abuse. When he asked me to be part of it, there really was nothing I could say other than yes. Far too many people I loved and cared about had been victimized and, at one point, I was almost a victim myself. I knew he was doing this so that girls like Tristen could have a safe place to go to to get the support they needed in order to move on with their lives.

"Milla, you're here." Elliot beamed as I walked through the door to the office space he'd set aside in the building he kept open off of main street. The building looked to be in the middle of some extreme remodeling and I looked back to where Phil had just walked in the door. "Oh, Phil, good to see you too."

His smile lost a bit of his luster but he walked over and placed a hand to the small of my back in a gesture that was a bit too familiar. He led me to the center of the room and had me look around. All I saw was drywall being put up with paint in cans everywhere and some loose wiring.

"Umm, Elliot, why did you want me to come in today? It looks like this place won't be ready for a couple of weeks at least." I looked over at Phil who shrugged but was eying Elliot suspiciously.

"I want you to see where your new offices are going to be. I love having you around Milla, you're amazing as an assistant but...I need someone with a more fixed schedule and a more business minded acumen. Don't be disheartened, that's part of the reason I wanted to start this organization, to give you a place you fit. I talked to Tris about it and she says that you were the best person to talk to, you never judged and were always supportive. These women and girls need someone like you to advocate for them, to offer them support and give them hope. You're going to be our spokeswoman." He grinned and my eyes widened. I had no experience running an organization.

"Elliot, I'm flattered but I don't have a business degree or a counseling certificate. All I have is an English B.A. and a Journalism minor. I don't think I can be what you want me to be." I said and his smile never faded.

"Yes you can. I've hired managers to cover the business end and counselors to handle the counseling needs but I need you to handle the walk ins, offer a shoulder and an ear. You'll be our liaison, I know you know the laws and I know you know how to work with survivors. There are some women who can't handle counselors, psychologists or even well meaning doctors but they'll work with you. You were already going to help me, now you'll just have a larger place and a higher wage. Please Milla, say you'll be here, a voice for Survivor's United." He smiled and I just nodded. I may not have been able to run a business but I could handle PR, get the community to help. I'd helped Ma arrange charity runs in the past and knew how to spread word of mouth. If he needed me to garner support for this fledgling organization I'd do it.

"I can't start full time right away." I said quietly and his grin widened, he knew he had me.

"I understand, right now I'm on the lookout for your proxy. It's good to have you on board Milla." I nodded it was good to be on board, this whole thing felt right. "Come on I'll show you where your office will be."

I started to protest but he led me away. I looked back and saw Phil following stealthily so I relaxed. I was never nervous around Elliot, but after the tight hug on Friday and the declaration that he'd do anything for me I was a little iffy about him. Soon we were in the room and I had to admit, it was nice, nice lighting, some good windows and the perfect spot for a desk.

"This is great Elliot. What color are the walls going to be?" I asked as I looked around.

"We're going with a pastel and white theme, we're hoping it will be more comforting while still looking professional. What color would you like the walls to be?" he asked as I was simply staring at the walls imagining my diploma on one wall with a picture of my family on the desk along with a tiny replica Dyna. I could really make this place my own.

"Lilac." I answered without thinking and Elliot nodded.

"Lilac with a white trim sounds about right. What kind of desk? I was thinking a light wood like pine or even a slightly darker walnut would be good." Again my mouth spoke before my brain could catch up.

"Rosewood." I was imagining a nice, shiny rosewood desk with a simple space reserved for doing paperwork and a good computer, that Juice would soup up, in the corner. Suddenly I shook myself out of my fantasy and looked at Elliot. I blushed at my presumption. This was a nonprofit organization. It was horrible and selfish of me to want something so expensive and, in the long run, frivolous. "Pine will be fine."

"A rosewood desk wouldn't break the bank Milla. Besides, I'd do anything for you. I know I told you that." There it was again. I couldn't let this go I had to address it and if I lost my job and Elliot's support in the process then that's just the way it was. I was an Old Lady, I belonged to a man so really I was doing Elliot a favor too.

"Elliot, you know I'm happily married right?" I asked him and saw some of the joy leave his eyes.

"What do you mean Milla?" He asked and I took a deep breath.

"I mean the daily flowers while I was in the hospital, the unexpected pay bumps when I was your assistant, the kisses on the cheek and too-long hugs. Now "I'd do anything for you". It all adds up to you either thinking our relationship is more than it is or wanting it to be more than it is." I took another deep breath but kept my eyes trained on his. His look turned sad and I wished I could take back everything.

"What if I did want it to be more?" He asked and my heart broke. I liked Elliot, I really did but if he wanted things with me that he could never have I'd have to nip this in the bud and go searching for another job.

"Then you want something you can never have Elliot. I love Juice, Carlos, he's been my Old Man for a long time and he's a proud daddy who loves his daughter. Yes he's part of an organization with a questionable history and yes he's in prison but that doesn't change the fact that he's mine as much as I'm his and I'd never do anything to jeopardize that. I like you Elliot, far more than our professional relationship should allow and I love your daughter dearly but nothing can come of that. You're my friend Elliot, you can't be any more than that." I felt tears in my eyes and angrily wiped them away.

"I love you Milla, I would love for you to be more to me and to Tris but I know you can't be. I know that you're devoted to your husband and that devotion... You've done so much for me with the divorce. You've been a shoulder when I needed it an ear for Tristen and you've gone out of your way to support me in this, even as your life seemed to be crumbling around you. How can I not love you?" I smiled he didn't love me. He thought he did but he didn't really. He loved what I was to him, what I did for him, not me. I wouldn't tell him that and make him feel like a fool so I took another route.

"Thank you Elliot. It means a lot to me that you care as much as you do and I'm glad that you understand why I can't be what you want me to be. I will be here for you, but at a less _personal _level. I like you Elliot, but maybe it's time for you to be a boss, give yourself that distance too." He nodded in understanding.

"In that case, I expect you here in two weeks to begin work we'll start with one, two hour shift four days a week to start, then once you have use of your arm and can handle further movement we'll up your hours and see about putting you on our insurance again. How does that sound?" He asked as he started walking me out and I couldn't help but smile.

"That sounds great Elliot...Mr. Oswald." He nodded, gave me a pained smile then escorted me to Phil who was going to drive me home. As I walked out the door I saw Elliot surveying the room with his back straight and head high. He may have been hurting but it wouldn't get in the way of him helping people. That's just the kind of guy Elliot was.

* * *

"What's that bitch doing here?" Phil asked as we pulled into the yard after collecting Espy from Ma. Sitting on my porch was Amanda Ramos, a woman I never wanted to see again. "This better not be Carmen."

He growled and I nodded, we were on the same page but I put on a smile as I got out of the car. I didn't even have to tell Phil to get Espy from the back as I walked to the porch and stared at Ms. Ramos who scrambled up as I approached.

"Hello Ms. Ramos. What brings you here this fine day?" I asked as Phil moved around her and entered the house.

"I wanted to come here and let you know personally that your case has been resolved. We checked every interview and reviewed your daughter's medical records and determined that there was no abuse or neglect. Normally I would have just gone about my business and just called you to let you know the investigation was off but something about your case bothered me." She looked at me and gave me an earnest look, "You have no idea how many times I come to houses and find children being abused, raped, burned and scarred. I can't do anything for them, they slip through the cracks. That's why it made me so angry to see a young mother who actually _cares_ about her child get a report. For the time it took me to investigate your case I could have at least tried to help two or even three children who really needed saving."

"Thank you for coming here Ms. Ramos, really, I appreciate all you did." She nodded and held out her hand.

"You're very welcome. I'll be on the lookout for your name in the files, flag you if I have to. We're required to check every report that reaches a certain level but rest assured that you'll be treated fairly." I nodded again and took her hand in my good one. Once she let go she walked around me and took a right at my driveway. Once she was out of sight I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and walked in the house where Phil had Espy in her bouncy seat. As I watched them I felt a smile stretch my face. We were free the shadow Carmen had cast over us was finally gone.

* * *

"Milla! You here babe?" Chantal shouted and woke me up from the nap I was taking.

"In the bedroom sweetheart." I shouted back and looked over to the bassinet that held a still sleeping Esperanza.

"Good you're here. I need to talk to you about something. I didn't see Gerard out front so I wasn't sure if you were here or not." She walked by Espy's bassinet and stopped for a second to coo at the baby that she loved as much as if she were her own.

"What do you need?" I asked as she sat down with me on the bed.

"Phil told me you're going to be working for Survivor's United, not just volunteering but really working." I nodded, it made sense that he told her little things like that. "I want to work for you. Imagica's going under. That refused shipment to the distributor a month ago clinched it. I told them they'd lose everything with that shipment."

"I don't think I have the power to hire anyone, besides I haven't even been officially hired yet." I said and Chantal nodded as she took my hand.

"Not officially, but we both know Elliot. He'll always find a place for you. Listen, you know what happened, you know how I survived, how I fixed the part of myself that they broke. I can help so many other girls and women. You know I can."She was pleading so I squeezed her hand.

"Hey, sweetie don't get so upset. I agree, you're the perfect person to help with those girls and I know you'd do a great job. You should talk to Elliot, give him a point by point reasoning as to why you're the right person for whatever position you're going for. He appreciates succinct and to the point reports and you're good at those." She got this considering look on her face.

"I don't know if I can tell him about it, I'm not ashamed but is it a good idea to tell your future employer that your father and brothers kept you as a sex slave from the age of four to fifteen. That you were an underage stripper and entertainment from sixteen to eighteen then a porn star." I raised my eyebrows, I knew her story well. "I just want you to put it into perspective sweetie. I don't know if telling him would be a good idea."

"Actually, honey, it's a good idea. He's a father whose daughter is a survivor. Tristen is still healing and seeing you out there proud and happy would be great. Maybe you could go to school, get a counseling degree, then you could work with these girls and their families full time. I think this job would be perfect for you. Should we call Elliot now?" I asked and she shook her head.

"I should talk to Phil about it first, see what he says. That's what Old Ladies do right? They ask their man before they do something big?" Her eyes were wide and I smiled.

"You're not an Old Lady until he's patched in but I say do whatever feels right for you. I don't tell Juice every little thing and we work out fine. Just talk to Phil if you think he can help you with decisions but you don't have to run it all by him." I patted her hand and she smiled.

"I guess you're going to teach me how to be an Old Lady." She smiled wider and I chuckled.

"I'll help when I can but it's your man's job to guide you and help you learn everything and since he's so knew you'll learn together. You picked a good man in Phil, Chanty, and I know he'll do right by you." Suddenly she started crying and hugged me tight.

"I'll always love you you know?" She kissed the top of my head. "Only I think I'll love you differently."

She let go of me and wiped her tears before she got up and went to the kitchen. I sat back on my pillows and sighed. Today had been very eventful I reaffirmed the love I shared with the only man I'd ever loved, squashed a false love and helped the woman who used to love me learn how to love someone else. As Espy started fussing in her crib I got up and looked into the face of the purest love I felt, love for my child. The perfect blend of myself and my man.


	13. Chapter 13

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters, with the exception of Gillian belong to me. Gillian belongs to the amazing Superdani.**

**This chapter is dedicated to the wonderful, amazing, stupendous Superdani who inspired me to write when I was completely unmotivated. Thank you sweetheart.**

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**Author's Note: **This chapter is just wonderful, fluffy goodness to bridge the gap and fill time before the start of the new season. There will be a few more chapters but they'll be spread out and we'll see how I write with the new Season. I usually like to set the tone of my stories to match the tone of the season. Anyway, thank you as always for reading and reviewing!

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**Chapter Thirteen**

"Koz, where are you going?" I asked as I blew my nose and Chantal resumed stroking my hair.

"To get my woman. Don't worry kiddo, I'll be safe and bring her home." He walked over and kissed the top of my head before he went back for the door.

"Wait!" I called out and he turned around. "At least pack a bedroll. You don't want to get to her smelling and looking like roadkill."

He grinned that cheeky grin of his and I sighed internally. He was smiling, this was good. He quickly moved through the living room and dashed into the kitchen. We could hear his boots clomping down the stairs before they quickly started back up them again. He didn't even look back as he went out the door and I breathed a deep breath. Ever since Gillian had stopped by that afternoon to say goodbye I felt like my heart was torn from my chest. What did we do to scare her off? Why didn't she want to be part of our family anymore? Her words made no sense. She said that she wasn't good enough for us that _she _was the problem. Koz was working on something with Chibs and hadn't answered his cell but when he did they rushed here like a bat out of hell. He was terrified and the anger he displayed when we'd told him about Gillian was frightening in itself. For the first time I was sure he would've hurt me if I got in his way.

"Come on everyone. Lyla made coffee and baby, you go to sleep. You need to rest up." Mom came over and kissed my head while I nodded. Today was a trying day, I needed sleep but a thought came to me.

"Phil?" I asked and the big man turned around. "Let me see that file."

He handed me the heartbreaking file he'd compiled on Gillian and I bypassed the photos of the broken and battered young woman our Gillian was and looked at the information. She was so remarkable and had survived so much. When I found what I was looking for I smiled and took my phone out of the pocket on the sling.

"Looney here." My surrogate father-in-law answered and I smiled.

"Hey Looney, it's Milla." I greeted as I sat back further on the couch with the file spread out in front of me.

"Well I'll be, how are ya girl? The arm still givin you trouble? How 'bout the baby? You really need to bring her here Desiree's itching to meet her adoptive grandbaby and you know Juicy'd want us to meet her." I smiled, I would've loved for them to meet her too.

"I can't really travel Looney. I'm still recovering but I called you for a reason. Koz'll be coming through and he's on a mission. I need you to help him find Oak Hills." I set the file back on the coffee table as I waited for his reply.

"You want this help under the table right. Just guide him without telling him." I bit my lip to keep from laughing, there was a reason he was President.

"Please, I know I'm just an Old Lady, no real pull but-" I didn't get to finish before he cut me off.

"Don't go sayin you're _just_ anything darlin. Your our girl, even moreso since you married that boy. What you're askin is such a small thing I'd be happy to keep Koz on the right path. Who knows, he may have a convoy on the way back. Desi's not the only one who wants to see that baby." With that Looney hung up and I smiled. Koz would get to Gillian without a hitch and a brief check showed that Portland was still a hundred percent with us. Now I could sleep.

* * *

"Koz! I asked if you could hand me the paper." I sighed as Koz smiled that damn smile and handed me the paper that I handed to Ellie who grinned. Koz had been like this for a week ever since he returned from Oregon with Gillian on the back of his bike. Something big had happened and they weren't just back to good they were official and it would just be a matter of time before she got his crow.

"What are you girls doing?" He asked as he watched us working with the paper.

"Mommy's birthday." Ellie continued working on her paper as her grin was replaced by a look of determination.

"We're making cards that we're going to attach to balloons. Send them up to heaven." I said and Ellie just nodded while Koz turned to us and put down his beer.

"Can anyone get in on this?" He asked and I smiled while Ellie looked up from her work and handed him a few markers.

"Make it nice but no glitter, Mommy hated glitter." He saluted Ellie and the three of us got to work.

I finished my simple card and watched Ellie add a new page to her card. I'd have to give Lyla a huge hug for this, it was her idea and Ellie just ran with it and included me in everything. Once we were done I was going to lock the cards in my rolltop...to keep them safe until we went to say goodbye. After I'd walked Ellie across the street back to her house while Koz stayed with Espy I went home with the intention of making Koz help me with arm exercises. He was in a good mood so I'd take advantage of it. What I didn't expect was him thrusting the phone at me as soon as I got through the door.

"It's Lowen." Was all he said before he draped a cloth over his shoulder and positioned Espy for maximum burping.

"Hello Counselor." I kept the tremor out of my voice and was grateful. Today was the disciplinary hearing and when I'd seen Juice on Monday he'd been nervous as hell but tried to hide it. I knew him far too well for his act to work on me.

"Hello Milla. I have some very good news for you." I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and sat down.

"What's happening?" I asked as I tried to stop my hands from shaking.

"The disciplinary board decided that your husband is not a violent individual or a risk to himself or others. Barring any further offenses he'll be released on schedule. They also feel that he would benefit from having access to his family. From what was said he's apparently very calm and mellow after a visit from you and your daughter. Now it will take two weeks to process the paperwork but once it is you will be allowed contact visits with your husband." I had tears in my eyes, I didn't think I could be so happy.

"Thank you so much Counselor I don't-" I was stopped when she laughed on her end.

"Don't thank me, Juice was perfect. I didn't have to say a word he pleaded his case very well. You have a lovely day and we'll make sure that in two weeks time you get to see your husband again, without glass." We said our goodbyes and I grinned while Koz joined me on the couch. I leaned over and kissed my baby girl before I moved my face close to hers.

"We're going to see Daddy, Peanut, and he's gonna hold you." I kissed her again before I moved away and Koz smiled.

"It's about time something good happened." He said as he set Espy in her bouncy chair and threw an arm around me. "Everyone should be as happy as me."

I laughed and hit his shoulder but I was still grinning from ear to ear. In two weeks I'd get to touch my husband again. Nothing could be better.

* * *

I swear time had never gone slower than in the two weeks it took for the paperwork to process. The only way time seemed to go faster than a snail's pace was when I was at work or with the kids. There's something about kids running everywhere that makes time speed up. I spent so much time with Ellie, Kenny and Piper that there was a suggestion circling around town that I'd adopted them. There was a time when I really wanted to adopt Ellie and Kenny but I wisely maintained my faith in Opie and let him come back to himself. Besides it was trying enough with an infant and an overgrown kid in the house. Especially when that overgrown kid was very happily in love and inadvertently rubbing everyone's faces in it. I didn't think I'd ever get over the shock of walking in the kitchen one morning with Gillian in one of Koz's SAMCRO shirts and boxers making coffee. I was still caught up in the "Gillian's too good for us" mentality, despite what I knew she did... Well Gillian was family now and that meant that she had to go through the fire like everyone did and Ma wasn't against making her clean up after a Friday night party or make snacks for the guys and she did it all with a smile. Now her duty was to take me and Espy to the prison so I could see my man without glass and without guards preventing us from touching.

"Are you sure this is ok?" She asked for the dozenth time.

"Yes, it's perfectly fine. Lowen called the prison and Mrs. Murphy faxed your credentials so they know you're my personal care attendant, so that means you can visit and Juice put you on his approved visitor's list so you're golden." I stared at the road for a few seconds. "Can we get there any faster?"

Gillian chuckled and sped up a little, everything was going perfectly.

"Right this way Mrs. Ortiz, Ms. Smith." The guard directed us to a place I was unfamiliar with. It was a large room, much larger than the rooms we'd been meeting them in before with what looked like metal picnic tables and guards lining the walls. We were directed to a central table where Gillian sat across from me and took Esperanza out of her carrier. We waited for about ten minutes as I drummed my fingers against my knee and watched the door. Soon there was the sound of the "lock disengaged" warning and I saw Juice walk through, practically bouncing. I stood and his eyes were on me as he walked with purpose.

"Hey." I said quietly and he didn't say a word as he took my face in his hands and brought his lips to mine I moaned and reached my good hand up to trace his face as his tongue lightly traced my lower lip. I was lost in the kiss and the smell of him when we were violently ripped from this small slice of heaven.

"Hey, stop that!" Juice broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against mine before he ducked in for a little kiss.

"You have no idea, baby, no idea." I smiled, I had an idea. He kissed me one more time before he moved away from me and took my hand. "Hey is-"

He didn't get to finish his question before Gillian walked over, still carrying Espy.

"Someone wants to see her Daddy." She said as Juice removed his hand from mine and took his daughter into his arms.

"Juice this is Gillian. Gillian this is my husband Jean Carlos Ortiz...Juice." She smiled and nodded. The warning about limited contact ringing in all our ears.

"So you're Gillian. Damn, Koz has good taste. Thank you for everything, for being with my family when I couldn't. There's no way I could repay you for that." He said sincerely and Gillian remained smiling.

"They're my family too so there's no need to thank me Mr. Ortiz. I'm going to go talk to the guard about my bag. I'll be back. It's so great to meet you Mr. Ortiz." Gillian smiled wider and Juice looked at her with this adorable scrunched, up squinty face. He was a bit put out by being respected like that.

"It's just Juice." He still scrunched his face and Gillian went to talk about the items that had been confiscated from her bag. I'd told her that they'd be returned as we left the visitor's area but she just didn't seem to believe me.

"Baby, It's so good to see you." We sat together on one side of the table and I reached my hand over and ran my fingers through his short hair. It didn't matter how short it was, anything other than the 'hawk felt wrong. "When was the last time you shaved?"

"What you don't like the 'stache?" He asked as he ran his fingertip over Espy's cheek and he smiled.

"It makes you look like some sleazy telenovella villain or a used car salesman. It's not your look baby." I ran my fingertips along his jaw and he turned his head to place a kiss on my moving hand.

"I think it would feel good on your thighs." He whispered and my breath caught, yeah it and the bit of scruff would feel great.

"Watch what you say baby, we can't take care of it and you're holding our angel. It's creepy." He chuckled and looked down at Espy.

"Sorry baby girl, Daddy's just really happy your Mama's here and he missed you both so much." He leaned down and kissed her.

"I think she forgives you Daddy." He smiled and maneuvered so he could continue holding her and reached out his hand to give mine a quick squeeze.

"How are things going? The job, the kids? I wanna know it all baby." He smiled that smile and for the first time in months there wasn't the shadow behind his eyes.

"The job's great, we're just getting started so I'm mainly helping Elliot hire employees and just getting the office set up. As far as the family goes everything's fine and last week Ellie, Kenny, Opie and I sent cards on balloons to Donna since it would've been her birthday. I think Ellie's finally starting to work through the pain and Kenny's working through it in his own way too. The only thing that's not perfect is me baby. I miss you so much." I just looked at him and hia hand reached across again and he carressed my hair.

"I miss you too but stay strong. Now I can kiss you again, I can hold you again, even for a few seconds. That makes this worth it baby. I'm gonna keep my nose clean and try to stay out of shit, especially shit that a certain brother starts. I can't lose you baby and I can't lose this." He took my hand and kissed it before he gave my fingers a squeeze and released them.

"They'll give back my stuff before we go, you were right." I looked up, surprised that I didn't even hear Gillian approach, I was so wrapped up in my man.

"Sit with us. Tell me about yourself." I smiled at Juice's invitation. He knew how important she was to me and to the Club so he wanted to know her and I appreciated it.

Gillian smiled wide and told him the cliff's notes version of who she was and her relationship to the Club and me. Juice in turn told her a bit about himself but focused on his life with me. I felt tears in my eyes as he thanked her again for protecting the most important people in his life. All too soon the visit was over and he handed Espy off to Gillian before he took my face in his hands again and kissed me for all we were worth. I ran my hand over his new bit of hair one last time and he grinned before he was led away. I watched him walk through the doors and turned to see Gillian with Espy, she'd already packed her up. With one last smile I nodded and we nodded to a guard who led us out and after Gillian retrieved her things we went outside only to see Koz leaning against his bike.

"There are my girls!" He said excitedly as we crossed the lot to him and Gillian greeted him with a kiss before he reached over and hugged me. "You look happy kiddo."

"I am, what are you doing here?" I asked and he leaned down to kiss Gillian again before he tapped my nose.

"I'm taking my girls out to lunch then who knows? I just want to spend the day with all of you." I smiled wide and leaned up to kiss his cheek before he gave Gillian one last kiss and we were soon on our way. Today was turning into the best day I'd had in months and I'd have to thank my family for that.


	14. Chapter 14

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own with the exception of Gillian. She belongs to the wonderful and amazing Superdani who I need to apologize to. Sometimes I get so into updating that I forget important things. I'm so so sorry.  
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**Warning: Some slight spoilers for season 4.**

**Chapter Fourteen**

"Dr. Morris says that it's a good idea." I argued as my Mom pursed her lips.

"It doesn't feel right baby. You've only been doing his work for five months now. Not long enough." She shook her head and clutched the keys I desperately wanted in her hand.

"Look Ma, I know you worry about me but Dr. Morris said my arm's strong enough and it won't be far, just down the road and back. No more than a mile." Mom looked torn and clutched the keys tighter while I pleaded. God I felt like I was sixteen again, begging like this.

"You'll just go to the store? No side trips?" I smiled, with Jax in prison she had to coddle someone.

"Just to the store." She nodded and handed over the keys and it felt like the "Hallelujah Chorus" should be starting anytime. With a kiss to her cheek I went out the door and smiled as I saw my car. I'd have to adjust the seat since the amazon had been driving it a lot but that was fine, at least it wasn't sitting around unused and Chantal liked it better than her own outdated hunk of metal.

"Miss me baby?" I whispered as I got in the seat and adjusted everything from the seat to the mirrors. I sighed in near orgasmic bliss as I pulled out of the driveway and made my way toward the store. I was on an errand for Tara who was still sore and tired from adjusting to life with a toddler and a newborn. All she wanted was some almond milk and Cheerios, two things I didn't have since I only had real milk in my house and Cheerios never lasted long.

As I drove down the road I noticed a police vehicle following me. As I slowed and moved toward the shoulder to let them pass their lights started flashing and the siren was going off. I dutifully pulled over, expecting them to rush past but instead it pulled up behind me and a tall, bald black man got out. He was one of the new officers from San Joaquin. I calmly sat with my hands sill on the wheel after I'd rolled down the window and set my license and registration on my lap. I didn't know why I'd been pulled over but I wanted to be prepared.

"License and registration Ma'am." The officer requested and I handed them over.

"What seems to be the problem officer?" I asked politely and waited for the officer to answer.

"I noticed your tabs are expired and one of your tail lights is a little dim. I'd think with your family owning a garage you'd get that taken care of." I got a good look at the uniform and realized that this must be the new Sheriff we were informed of.

"I'll have it taken care of right away...Sheriff." I kept my hands on the wheel and studied the Sheriff. He was, as of now, a mystery to me and probably to the guys. He so new that they would either tell us to be wary of him or get him on the payroll.

"You should, I'd hate to bring you in...leave that little baby alone." I looked at him and suppressed my glare. He obviously knew who I was and who I was affiliated with He didn't know how we handled people who threatened our children.

"Like I said, I'll get it all taken care of. Am I free to go sir or am I getting a citation?" I asked reasonably and he gave me a smile.

"Just a warning Mrs. Ortiz. Be sure to get those problems fixed. I really would hate to bring you in. From what I hear around town you have enough to deal with." He gave me a Cheshire Cat grin before he handed me back my license and registration. "Have a nice day."

He nodded his head slightly before he walked back to his squad car and pulled out. Once he was gone I put everything away, situated myself again and pulled out. He may have just given me a warning, but I had a feeling that he was just getting started and would be messing with me again in the future. Men like that are too easy to read.

* * *

"Ok Koz, no problem. I really have no idea why you're so worried about this. We love Gillian and I swear that sometimes Espy likes her better than me. She'd be a welcome addition to the household for the night. Ok. Love ya bro." I sighed as I hung up. Koz and Gillian may have been a couple for four months now but their desire for each other and obvious passion hadn't diminished in the least. If anything they had gotten more passionate as they explored new territory together and found a life together that fit both worlds. I was very happy for them and wanted them to stay as happy and in love as they were but I was getting fed up with Koz's crazily over protective instincts which had gotten even crazier since Gillian became his. I shuddered to think how bad it would get once she got his crow.

After I hung up I had to smile at the situation. A "strange car" had been driving on Gillian's block so Koz was going to check it out while Gillian spent the night with us. Once everything was sorted out she'd be free to return home and we wouldn't have to hear of this again, until the next "threat" popped up. I quietly went into Espy's room to check on her and wrinkled my nose at the smell of "baby" that permeated the room. We were using this new lotion that Tara recommended to combat the dry skin that plagued my poor babygirl. Once Juice got out I'd have to smack him for passing his horrible dry skin onto our baby. Even so the lotion was working nicely, but we still had her dry and brittle hair to contend with. Once I gave my baby one last kiss I walked down the hallway and stopped in the doorway, watching the scene in front of me. Gillian was sitting on the couch and spread out on the coffee table in front of her was my wedding album and the pictures I'd tucked in outside of the sleeves. She had her back to me but I could see her lovingly running her hands over some of the pictures and smiled softly as she picked up the picture of me with Koz, his arm firmly around me and a grin plastered on his face. That was one of my favorite pictures, we both looked so proud and happy.

"I can make you a copy of that if you want." I said as I walked into the room and instantly felt bad when she practically jumped out of her skin. Usually Gillian was like a an animal, she could sense if someone was watching her or approaching her. I guessed that it came with being prey for so long.

"Sorry, I just saw this on the shelf over there and decided to take a look. You don't mind, do you?" She asked as she turned around and I shook my head.

"I don't mind at all. What do you think? At the time I thought I'd gotten so fat, I was mortified, but Juice kept looking at me like I was the most beautiful thing in the world. He always looks at me like that." I picked up one of the pictures of him kissing me and felt my smile turn sad. Sometimes I missed him so much I couldn't breathe. "Sorry, I'm just missing him right now."

I tried to turn the smile happy again and Gillian smiled warmly at me. I knew she worried that she was rubbing my face in the fact that she had her man with her, but I never felt like she was. I just wanted her and Koz to be as happy as they could be. At least one couple needed to be and as often as Ope and Lyla were fighting lately, they weren't the happy ones.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" She asked and I chuckled a little.

"Not at all, you know you can talk to me about anything." I put the picture back and sat waiting for her to continue.

"I was looking at these pictures and I was just wondering, what made you decide on this? According to Gemma you didn't want to get married. What made you say yes?" She asked as she picked up a picture of Juice and I with our large extended family, in front of the Reaper.

I smiled as I thought about it. It seemed like a lifetime ago when it was only just under a year.

"We were together a long time before we got married, three years. Juice said he wanted to take me to a Justice of the Peace the night of his Patch party, that night he knew I was his and nothing would change it, but he waited to propose until he'd decided that we'd spent enough time learning each other. I kept putting it off and putting it off. I knew I was his and once I got the crow everyone else did too. I didn't want civilian rules to dictate how I loved my man. Unfortunately, I was hurting my man, I made him feel like I didn't really want him. Even after he bought me the perfect ring I was still hung up on proving a point." I looked down at my engagement ring, that rested so perfectly with my wedding band, and smiled. It was perfect, just like the man that gave it to me. "Eventually I realized I was hurting him and some serious shit happened with SAMCRO that made me realize that I didn't give a damn about what the civilians thought I wanted my man to own me in every way and have a claim to him too. So I said yes, and after another tragedy I couldn't wait any longer so we got married in the clubhouse and my only regret is that Bobby and Opie couldn't be there."

I looked up from the picture my eyes had landed on and saw Gillian smiling even wider at me. I felt my face heat up a bit. She probably didn't need such an in depth explanation but sometimes when I get started the words won't stop. it was one of the things I had in common with my man.

"What I'm trying to say is that when the time is right you know. You won't wanna fight it anymore. Something got you thinking about it?" She looked at my ring finger, then looked up at me, blushing when she saw the knowing look in my eye.

"Oh no, Koz and I are happy as we are. Just being together is enough. It sounded like you and Juice were the same way. I was just wondering what happened to change that." She slaughed a little and I started thinking about what she just told me. They were happy as they were and I was glad of that, but I knew Koz. Now that he'd found the woman it would only be a matter of time before he'd want the family but he'd sabotage himself by taking too long and thinking too hard about the things that _could _happen. I couldn't let him do that. I had to save Koz from himself and it hit me. I knew the perfect way to save him. With a smile to Gillian I got up and went to my kitchen. I had the beginning of a plan, I just had to fine tune it.

…

Later that night Koz had come home from his stakeout and, after a kiss to Gillian and a game of "peek" with Espy, he discovered that he was almost out of beer. As he was heading out I stopped him, it was time to set my new plan into action.

"Koz can you pick me up a couple of things?" I asked before he made it out the door.

"Sure Kiddo, everything ok?" I smiled, Koz was always so good to me.

"I'm fine I just need a copy of "Modern Bride" and some rice. I'm doing something with Ellie and I'm planning on making that rice pudding you like tomorrow and I'd rather have the ingredients on hand."I smiled sweetly at him and he just grinned before he ruffled my hair.

"Good thing I love you kid." He kissed my forehead before he went out the door and I turned my smile to Gillian. The seeds had been sown, now we just had to see if anything took root.

* * *

"Ma, what are we doing here?" I looked up at the sign and sighed. We were at the new facility Wendy had been placed in and I was nervous. It was never good when Ma left whoever she was working with in the dark, it's how she ended up getting pinned for the death of an IRA rat. With another sigh I got out of the car and stood by Ma as she smiled. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, that smile was never good.

"Come on baby, it's time to right some wrongs." Damn it, it was never good when Ma got all "superhero". Regardless I grudgingly walked with Mom and stood with her at the front desk.

"We're here to see Wendy Case, her caseworker said today would be a good day to visit?" Mom was acting all polite, not good.

"Gemma Teller and Milla Ortiz?" The woman behind the desk asked and I was shocked, whatever this was Ma had planned ahead.

"That's us." Mom put her arm around my shoulder and I looked quizzically at her, trying to decide who this woman was and where she hid my Mom's body.

"Wait here, Once Ms. Case is in the visitation room I'll be right back for you." Mom Nodded and I turned to look at her again.

"What's happening here Ma? This June Cleaver act is scary as fuck." Mom grinned and pulled me away from the desk.

"If I came in here waving my piece, how do you think that'd go over? Sometimes bein' nice is the only way to get what you really want." She just took a page from my playbook so I simply nodded, I could wait and see how long this lasted. A few seconds later she grinned and turned me to face the woman from the desk.

"She's ready. I must ask to see your bags before we go in." I handed my bag over and she rifled through it, nodding when there was no contraband present. She did the same to Mom's and I was shocked that she'd passed the inspection too. Whatever reason we were here had to be an important one. The woman nodded and we were led into a nice big room with bright sun pouring in through the large windows and women in scrubs standing like guards while other women were sitting at tables. It was like jail as seen on Oxygen.

"Gemma...Milla, Corinne told me you'd be visiting. Despite me telling her that you two were two of my biggest stressers." I looked at her and was pleased to see that she didn't have any of the symptoms that she was using again. I knew Wendy, she could talk her way into getting pretty much anything from people. Even contraband in a recovery facility.

"Did we stress you the last time you shot up?"Mom asked and Wendy looked at the table, not wanting to be reminded of her fuck up.

"In a way. You gave me hope, then it was crushed. So yeah, you're to blame for the shit I'm in now." Mom smiled and I rubbed my forehead. "What do you two want?"

I looked at Ma, I had no idea why we were here and I wanted to know as much as Wendy did.

"We're here to make sure something good happens. You know Abel turned a year old a few months ago right?" Mom asked and Wendy swallowed before she answered.

"Yeah, I get pictures every once in a while. Don't know who sends them." She looked like she was ready to cry and I couldn't force myself to feel sympathy for the woman, any pain she felt she brought on herself.

"I do, Abel's _real _mother sends them. A woman too damn good to be mixed up with the likes of you. A woman too good to admit you're the trash you are. She's done you a world of favors. It's time you paid up." I looked at Mom and smiled, I knew what she was doing.

"Pay up how, I'm stuck in this place." She huffed and I sat back in my seat, simply enjoying what was happening.

"Tomorrow a lawyer is comin' to see ya. She's goin to have a stack of papers for you to sign. Sign all of them. You do that and you just might breathe free air again. If not...we'll just see what happens." Mom sat back and I looked at Wendy, her mind appeared to be racing.

"You want me to give up Abel don't you?" She asked and I scoffed.

"Giving up implies that you gave a damn in the first place. Just sign the papers and do the first unselfish thing you've ever done in your life. Give Abel a real family with a Mom and Dad that love him and love each other, a little brother he already adores. Do that for him and earn the right to call yourself a person." I put everything into that little speech and Wendy just nodded.

"I'll do it. I'll sign everything. He was the only good thing in my life ya know. The only thing I did right and even then I fucked up. You're right, he deserves a real family." She sighed and looked down. "Can you two please go now? I need time to think."

Mom nodded to me and stood up. I followed suit and went for the door but stopped to watch Ma who hadn't moved from Wendy's table.

"You're doin a good thing, the right thing. Feel good about that. Thanks to you your boy will actually have a chance." Ma turned on her heel and collected me. linking her arm with mine as we walked through the door. Once we were in the car and settled I turned to mom.

"That was a good thing you did Ma. I'm glad I was there." She smiled at me as she lit up.

"I'm glad you were there too, the bitch always seemed to listen to you." I smiled and Ma started the car. "Where we off to now?"

"Umm, if I remember right you're running low on your stash so I thought we'd hit up that new dispensary, Clear Passages. For some reason they sent me a couple of vouchers for some free shit, don't know why but who am I to turn down free weed? I also thought you could stock up, throw a little my way when I'm done breastfeeding." I handed a voucher to Mom who smiled as she read.

"Hope they have good shit." Mom pulled out and we were on our way. I looked at the voucher and felt my nose wrinkle. They did colonics too. Maybe I could convince Mom to get one and figure out what's been up her ass all these years. With that thought I burst into giggles and couldn't seem to stop.

* * *

**Author's Note: ** We're almost at the end of _Down the Road_. Only one more chapter to go. I know these last couple of chapters may seem boring but they're my way of tying up loose ends and laying the groundwork for my next story which is already being written. I hope you've liked the story so far since I've loved writing it. Thank you all for reading and reviewing!


	15. Chapter 15

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters are my own, with the exception of Gillian who belongs to the wonderful, amazing Superdani. Thank you so much for everything sweetheart!**

**Warning: Slight spoilers for season 4.**

**Chapter Fifteen**

"I'll be back in six hours. You be good for Gramma." I said as I kissed my baby girl's cheek while Mom smiled.

"She's always good. Don't know how she came from you and the posterchild for ADD." I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but laugh. She did have a point.

"I have to go, take care Ma." I kissed my mom's cheek then went out the door. I had to pick up Chantal at Phil's then we were heading in. Elliot had told us to arrive early and I was curious as to why he wanted us so early.

I drove to Phil's and found Chantal sitting on the stoop of the building in her nice slacks and button-down blouse and had to smile. If given the chance she doesn't dress like the porn star she used to be. Except for her shoes, the girl stumbles in anything other than heels.

"Thank god you got the message. I've been locked outside for an hour." Chantal said as she got in the car and I looked her over, there was something off about her.

"You ok?" I asked and she nodded.

"I'm fine, just in love with a dumbass." She huffed then gave me a sly smile. "I guess you could give me pointers, huh?"

I reached over and smacked her arm as she laughed. After that the conversation stayed light and we continued to the offices of Survivors United.

"What the fuck?" She said quietly as we parked in our customary spot and saw Jacob Hale standing outside the back with his cell to his ear.

"I have no idea but this can't be good." She nodded and we got out of the car. As we approached the door he was standing near Hale looked over and said a quick goodbye before he hung up.

"Milla, Ms. Tau." He nodded and I resisted the urge to growl. Such a condescending, disrespectful asshole and after what he had done to Elliot last month he was definitely on my hit list.

"It's Mrs. Ortiz, unless I consider you a friend, or a fellow human...Jacob." I smiled tightly and he frowned. Good, he was quick on the uptake.

"Very well, Mrs. Ortiz." He said my name in the disgusted tone and I just smiled before his phone beeped and he turned. I took advantage of his distraction and went to the door. Chantal followed and soon we were through the door and down the hallway. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Elliot standing in the main room, but that relief turned to apprehension when he turned and I got a good look at his face.

"Elliot?" I asked and he came up and hugged me before he turned and hugged Chantal.

"I'm so glad you two are here, I wanted you to be the first to know." He ran a hand over his face and Chanty gave me a look.

"What's going on Mr. Oswald?" She asked and he led us to a set up with two chairs facing a third...shit...this didn't look good. Still, we sat down and waited for him to let us know what was up.

"You two know that I took a beating with the land deal right?" We both nodded and he continued. "Unfortunately that means that I had to cut a lot of things from Oswald, things that were costing me money, rather than bringing it in. I held onto Survivors United as long as I could, but with the economy, and this...I couldn't justify it anymore. There was no way that I could keep this up. Not even with donations or volunteer work. I'm sorry."

"That's it, you're not even going to try?" I asked and Elliot gave me a sad look.

"I did try, for a month but I can't keep this up. I'm so sorry Milla, Chantal. The reason I invited the two of you here so early is because I have job opportunities for the two of you that I won't be offering anyone else." He smiled his most professional smile and I felt my stomach lurch. "Oswald Construction has been offered the "Charming Heights" contract and we accepted. I'll need and on-site supervisor to handle paperwork and employee issues and an interoffice liaison to help with the flow this will create. I was thinking Chantal could work on-site and Milla, you could be my interoffice liaison. You know the way Oswald works and have a good rapport with all the supervisors. The jobs would pay slightly better than both of you are getting now and you'd have more responsibilities and access to healthcare. What do you say?"

Chantal looked at me and I sighed. The new job sounded good, sounded great but I just couldn't do it.

"Do what you need to do Chanty." I said quietly and she nodded.

"This is a great opportunity for both of you." He was trying to sell it, but I sighed before Chantal grabbed my hand and squeezed to give me strength. This was going to be hard.

"I appreciate this opportunity Elliot, I truly do but I have to respectfully decline your offer. I cannot justify working for Jacob Hale. The man has tried to oust my family and destroy everything we've worked for. He's responsible for so much shit that I can't even look at him without my stomach turning. I respect you and understand that you had no choice in this but I do and I can't work for you if you work with him. I'm sorry Elliot." I looked at him and he nodded.

"I was expecting this reaction. What if I offered you a job in another part of Oswald?" I shook my head and he nodded again before he turned to Chantal. "Chantal?"

"I would love the opportunity Elliot and am very pleased and flattered that you think of me so highly, but I can't do it. This is my family now and Hale has hurt them too much to let it stand. Thank you so much for all that you've done for me but now I have to say goodbye and good luck." She leaned over and kissed his cheek and I saw tears in her eyes. I hated that she felt she had to do this, but at the same time I was proud she was showing her loyalty.

"I understand. Thank you both so much for everything you've done and, Milla, please don't let this sour your relationship with Tris. She still needs you." I smiled before I stood. He and Chantal did the same.

"I'll still be there for Tris, you can count on that." I edged past Chantal and gave Elliot a hug. "Thank you for everything."

Once I let go I took Chantal's hand and we walked out, not the least surprised to see Hale leaning against the wall by the door. Chantal and I looked anywhere but at him and got in the car. We had a lot that we needed to think about.

* * *

I walked into the studio and felt an odd sense of homecoming. The naked women, the cameras, all it was missing was Auntie Lu. As I thought about Lu my throat closed up but I willed the sensation away and followed Chantal. We were at Dondo's studio to give Lyla her bag, and so Chantal could see about getting a job. She didn't handle being unemployed well.

"You miss Cara Cara don't you?" Chantal asked and I nodded. I missed being behind that camera, I even missed working on the scripts with Luann and running lines with the stars. I was about to speak when the bossman himself walked up to us. I'd worked with Dondo before when I was Luann's assistant so there was no hesitation as he gave me a hug.

"Milla Mia, my darling." He smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. "How are you? The last time I saw you, you were in a hospital bed."

I smiled, Dondo may have been arrogant and annoying at times but if he was your friend it was for life and I considered him a friend.

"I'm good, I have a beautiful little girl and I'm recovering nicely. We're here to give Lyla her bag." Dondo nodded before he looked over at Chantal and smiled wider.

"Chantal Tau, the brains and the beauty. Please tell me you're looking for a job.I would _love_ to have you on my payroll." He took her hand in his and she gave him a small smile.

"Actually, I did want to talk to you about a job. Is it possible to arrange a meeting?" She smiled more brightly at him and he nodded.

"No need to arrange one. You two go to my office after you see Lyla." We nodded and he leaned down to kiss my cheek before we went to Lyla's dressing room. In Cara Cara she was one of the lower-rung girls but here she was his star and I was happy she'd finally made it big. I just wished she'd actually listen to her old man every once in a while and at least try to find work with Dondo that didn't involve her getting naked in front of the camera. I knocked on the door and heard her shout for us to come in. When we walked in she was sitting around dressed in a nurse's uniform and talking into her phone.

"I'll be home later Ope. I know, Milla and Chanty are here. I'll ask them." She gave an exasperated sigh and looked at us. "Did you two get an escort here? Ope wants to be sure you're not alone."

"Ratboy came with us since Phil was doing some updates on the Club comp." Chantal answered and Lyla nodded.

"Ratboy's their escort. Ok, I'll call when I'm on my way." Lyla hung up before she stood and hugged us both. "Sorry about that, Ope's been up my ass lately. Thanks for bringing my bag."

"No problem, everything ok with you two?" I asked and Lyla threw up her hands.

"Who knows? One minute he's letting me do my thing, the next he's on me about my job. Just relationship bullshit. I'm good and really, thank you for my bag." She hugged me again before she stuffed her bag under her seat.

"No problem. What's the employment situation like around here?" I asked as I looked around and Lyla smiled.

"He's always on the lookout for new talent and I know for a fact that he needs a new PA, preferably someone who knows the business." She gave me a look and I felt a smile stretch my face. I'd have to talk to Juice about it, but I definitely wouldn't mind coming back.

"Thanks Lyla, we have to meet with Dondo but if you need anything let us know." I hugged her again and she nodded.

"Thank you, and if you need me to put in a word with Dondo text me." Chantal and I nodded before we left her dressing room and found a PA who led us to Dondo's office without a complaint.

"I can't believe we're doing this." Chantal said with a trace of disappointment in her voice, as we waited for Dondo to return, and I reached over to grab her hand.

"We can walk out right now." I offered her the out and she shook her head.

"I need this too much and I'm not cut out for waitressing." I nodded and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

"Hello ladies, sorry to keep you waiting." I looked back and saw Dondo walk in and shut the door behind him before he walked to his desk and sat down. "When do you want to start?"

He looked at Chantal and she was speechless at his abruptness. He saw this and continued.

"I talked to Lyla, she says you're both interested. I need a new Personal Assistant, not just a Production Assistant and I know you're good at that shit Milla. I could also offer you script work and some scene direction. You'd be doing what you did for Luann, only you'd be doing it for me. Chantal...I know you're hot, really fucking hot but I had different plans for you. I need a new distribution manager and the shit that you did for Imagica was fantastic. You took a rinky dink company and put it on the map before they shut you down. I know you could do that for us. What do you ladies say? Both jobs are on the table." He leaned back and rested his hands on his stomach before he looked at us.

"I'll take it!" Chantal blurted and I took a deep breath. I wanted this job, really wanted it.

"I have to talk to my husband first, let him know what went down." I also had to tell him about my unemployment, the last time I visited we were so caught up in each other that I barely told him anything.

"I get it. Let me know soon, ok?" He asked and I nodded. "Good, Chantal I'll have some papers drawn up and bring you in later this week."

He reached across the desk and shook her hand before he reached across and did the same to me.

"Milla, don't be a stranger." I nodded as Chantal and I both stood, said our goodbyes then left. As we got to the car Chantal was walking on air while I had thoughts weighing down on me. I really needed to talk to Juice and I had a week before I could visit him. It would be a long week.

* * *

I sat at the picnic table and waited for Juice to come through the doors. I had to psych myself up to tell him what was going down. When I worked at Cara Cara he never had a problem but things could be different now. Now I was his wife, I had his baby and we there were other things to consider. Then again I'd be bringing in a nice paycheck and have a stable work environment with someone who understood how important the club was to me. I sighed but felt a smile stretch my face as the lock disengaged warning went off and I saw Juice escorted through the door. He grinned and walked up to me as I stood.

"Hey baby." He said quietly before he brought his mouth to mine. I simply kissed him back before we sat and he laced his fingers with mine. "How's Espy doing? She still got that cold?'

I nodded, the cold had been making its way through all of the kids so we had to be careful who we exposed them to and who they were exposed to. We didn't want an epidemic on our hands, especially while the guys were busy with their runs.

"Espy's doing fine, she just has the sniffles and is really tired a lot of the time. She misses her Daddy though. She says "dada" all the time." It made him smile before he leaned in and kissed me again.

"How are you?" He unlaced his fingers and ran them through my hair before he settled his hand on my neck and rubbed. I missed his magic fingers.

"I have something to tell you baby, please don't be mad." I moved away and his brow furrowed. "I'm not exactly employed right now."

"What do you mean baby?" He asked as he kept our fingers laced.

"Elliot had to close down Survivors United and had to let us go. I should've told you earlier." I hung my head before he used his crooked finger to lift my chin so he could look at me.

"Are you ok? How does this affect you baby?" He forced me to look at him and I sighed.

"I still have assistance if I need it and the other money's good but this sucks. I like working for Elliot." I chuckled when I thought of how petulant I sounded but Juice chuckled with me.

"I liked you working for him to. At least I could count on him not to hit on you." I held in a laugh at that. What Juice didn't know couldn't hurt Elliot. "You goin' for another job or you gonna stay home?"

"I was offered a job baby. I just don't know what to do about it." Juice moved his hand and sat back a bit as he unlaced our fingers, he was obviously waiting for me to continue. "Dondo, Lyla's boss, offered me a job as his personal assistant. I'd be doing what I did for Luann, no more or less and the pay's good. What should I do baby?"

He took a breath then blew it out his mouth as he looked at me. I could see the wheels turning in his head and he seemed to come to a decision before he leaned in and kissed me.

"I'll support whatever decision you make babe. Just make the one that's best for you and Espy." He kissed me again before he settled back and took my hand again. Just like that all the anxiety was washed away and I lost myself in my husband again.

* * *

"What about these?" Lyla asked as she held up these tacky looking champagne flutes encrusted with what could only be described as bling. Gillian and I shared a look before I reached over and guided Lyla's hand back to the shelf.

"Honey, I think simple's the best route to go now. What about those?" I pointed to these beautiful blue tinted glasses and she grinned.

"Perfect! Now, what about gifts for the wedding party. What should I get Jax and Tara?" She looked anxious at the thought of getting them something.

"Let Ope worry about Jax's gift. I say get Tara something nice that she'd never get herself, maybe a bracelet or something?" I suggested and she just nodded.

"I have the perfect thing! Come on, we can get the other stuff later." She took my hand and started to drag me while Gillian followed behind and laughed at Lyla's excitement. She could since she wasn't being dragged behind a manic woman on a mission.

Lyla dragged me out of the store and didn't stop until we were in front of another store down the street. The title "Frills and Thrills" caught me off guard for a minute before I remembered I'd been there before. Juice was definitely a fan of their merchandise.

Lyla was going to pull me through the door when she saw Gillian standing away from the door just looking, making no movement to go in.

"You two have fun in there, I'll just go back and see about the-" She was trying to get out of it when Lyla let go of my hand and walked to her.

"Please come in Gillian. I never get to do girlie things with you and I want to do this. I also really respect your opinion. I just want to find a gift for Tara and maybe something for the wedding night. Please come in?" She widened her eyes and I had to resist a laugh as Gillian nodded.

"I'll come in, but don't expect me to be any help." Lyla just smiled and threw her arms around Gillian before she let her go and walked into the store while I followed behind.

…

I was looking through a rack of absolutely beautiful negligees, avoiding Lyla's insanity when Gillian came up beside me and looked down. She was avoiding Lyla too.

"Want to go back to the store?" She asked and I shook my head, now I had a mission. I wanted something special for after the wedding too. Juice deserved a treat.

"I'm looking for something that'll make my man's jaw hit the floor and the leather contraption Lyla picked for me isn't exactly my style." I let my gaze land on this black and white polka-dotted negligee and Gillian just reached over me and took out a red negligee dotted with black roses and lined with this beautiful red lace.

"That will go well with the dress you got for the wedding. Besides red's your color." I picked up the negligee and looked at it before I looked at Gillian and smiled. She knew me well.

…

Later that day we were sitting around our table in the restaurant discussing our shopping trip. Lyla had gotten this absolutely beautiful lingerie set that looked like something Emma Frost would wear to a business meeting but on Lyla it would work. She also got this gorgeous nightgown for Tara that my brother would certainly appreciate that was sexy, yet conservative enough that Tara would love it. Gillian had gotten nothing but uncomfortable in the store so she ducked out as soon as we were done and managed to get the stuff on Lyla's list. The wedding was two weeks away and things were falling into place.

"So, when's Koz moving into your place Gilly?" Lyla asked and Gillian looked up and quickly moved her eyes between us. It was almost comical, or it would've been if she didn't look scared. Then it came to me, she hadn't discussed his move with me yet.

"Don't worry Gillian, Koz told me all about it. Since Chantal's already gone he didn't want to leave me completely alone so we talked about it. I'm happy for you two." I reached over and patted her hand while she smiled weakly.

"Thank you for being understanding. He's moving in Saturday. He wants to be settled before they get out. I was trying to figure out the time to tell you. He was supposed to wait for me." She looked a bit angry so I decided to soften it.

"Don't be mad Gillian. Koz and I never lie to each other and we tend to tell each other everything important. He was just looking out for me." I gave her a smile and she just nodded. She'd probably be talking to him, but for the time being she wasn't that angry. She'd be even less angry once he found the right time to put the ring I'd helped him pick out on her finger.

* * *

"Daddy's comin' home tomorrow peanut." I whispered as I tucked a stray curl behind my baby's ear, before I laid back on the pillows and looked at the ceiling. For some reason I didn't want to sleep alone so having Espy share the bed with me seemed like the best option.

I looked back at her and smiled. Soon our family would be together, soon we'd be whole. The past fourteen months had been the hardest of my life and had proven to me that I needed Juice. I needed him to make me happy, I needed our daughter to give me purpose. I caressed her hair one last time before I turned over and looked at the clock. Eleven more hours and they'd be home. Eleven more hours and our lives could begin again.

With that thought I leaned over and kissed my daughter's head before I rested my head on my pillow and closed my eyes. The next time they opened I'd be greeting the day and I'd be getting ready to greet my man. After fourteen months without him I hoped he could handle what I had in mind, I just wasn't sure the bed could.

* * *

**Author's Note: **That's it, the end of _Down the Road_. I wanted to finish this story before the events of season 4 bled all over it and those of you who have seen know what I'm talking about. I hope you all enjoyed it because I enjoyed writing it. I really want to thank you all for reading and reviewing. With each story I feel more and more confident as a writer, so thank you for that. I have one request for you before we conclude things. Let me know if you think Milla should work for Dondo. If you remember she worked for Luann at Cara Cara for a while and this new job would be like that. I ask this of you because I'm not sure where to take it and I respect your opinions. Just remember that she'd be behind the camera, not in front of it. Thank you all again and having your input means the world to me.


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